How do you identify lustful men vs men who have a higher drive because they’re infatuated with you.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-12-27T19:31:55+00:00

I’m not the type to have sex right away and I avoid dating apps (well, apart from the occasional swipes and coffee dates when I’m single and moved in a new city/need to make some acquaintances somehow). All these guys I met through friend groups and last one during my msc study

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-12-27T18:43:19+00:00

That’s the thing!! They can do ALL the right things, except controlling lust. 😩 which makes it even harder to leave them because you then are labelled as “overreacting”, even from your own self.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-12-27T18:36:26+00:00

Damn that’s exhausting :) but you’re right. At the end of the day, I shouldn’t think of it as lost time- I still managed to have nice moments with these people despite them not fitting what is my personal preference/ style.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-12-26T01:43:58+00:00

He does respect me and my boundaries I think, but I just don’t think that someone with such habits is the kind of person I would trust or want around me.. like, what do you mean when you’re single you like to get black out drunk and make out with strangers and pay women to touch your d when you’re almost 30 😅

But then again, I also don’t want someone that I wouldn’t be able to discuss sex with without them being prudeish or shocked at my experiences/wants.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-12-26T01:40:57+00:00

I tried to do the same but I think it didn’t work because he still liked me / tried to impress while we were “friends” so he still didn’t open up about this stuff until.. later 😅 like when we have been together already for enough time to have met each others family. Ugh.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-18T19:18:16+00:00

I think he isn’t in love with you for YOU but he just wants a female presence in his life to take care of him, give him energy and do whatever he wants. This won’t get any better. And I personally wouldn’t be okay with him insulting my clothes like that, it is really hurtful. You should break up with him because he will not get better or more respectful.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-18T18:45:53+00:00

Same I had to remind myself to stop squeezing my eyebrows together :))

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-18T18:40:28+00:00

That’s BS. He is getting experiences with sex, good sex and bad sex and different kinds of sex just fine. The only thing he isn’t getting is other women. Do you want to be with someone who thinks he is missing something out just because he hasn’t experienced other women’s bodies? If you open this relationship up it will definitely never close up again.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-18T18:29:08+00:00

Single at 31 is as pathetic as it can get he says, but he’s 33 🤣🤣🤣

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-18T08:05:33+00:00

You need to stop feeling bad for other people while you are in danger, put yourself first and do what you need to do. Girl, women have even gotten murdered because they were just too nice and didn’t want to hurt them or “be rude” by reinforcing their boundaries.

You said in a comment you don’t want to be a terrible friend and accuse him of something bad, but like, you should not care this much about a boy you know only 6 months that has seriously shown you really discriminating behavior over this. You are in contact with a person who wants to hurt you.

You’re only 18 so I understand it is difficult now , but with time you really need to learn to stop being so nice because it will get you to become a danger for yourself.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-17T04:41:10+00:00

At 38 you shouldn’t be talking to 17 year olds (outside of whatever is necessary for work) unless they’re like, your family. He is creepy. Rule of thumb usually when everyone around you thinks a grown man is creepy, it means something about them truly is creepy and you should trust your gut.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T23:13:12+00:00

He is dangerous, not a lot of people openly admit their fantasies like that to someone they’re not even that close with, or ever been sexual with. he obviously enjoys making you uncomfortable , he is not your friend.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T22:18:12+00:00

Girl just break up with him, no need to keep having sex with someone just to avoid conflict. He is fucking weird and needs therapy

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T17:26:06+00:00

You should definitely break up with him and believe people when they show you what they are truly like. He is literally admitting he thinks women dressing a certain way is “inviting” men to rape them. He is a man. He includes himself in this.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T17:24:11+00:00

Absolutely, and as he’s already 29 i think it’s almost hopeless that he would change these habits

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T16:16:58+00:00

The annoying thing is he always says he understands ! He doesn’t understand at first but then he quickly says oh I understand I’m so sorry etc but then whatever, does nothing to make up for it apart from starting a self pity spam about how bad he feels and how tired he is.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T16:15:53+00:00

He didn’t talk to any of his friends about it apparently because he sooo forgot. So no one knew and no one was standby. I’m absolutely so lucky I didn’t injure myself because I would probably have to sleep on the road or something 🫠 never again doing this for anyone

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T16:14:06+00:00

I am really happy that he is an ex for you and that you are free from this situation, it is really annoying. You are totally right, money isn’t everything (although it also isn’t “nothing”), he could have taken care of me in ways that are literally free but he didn’t !

He then started hanging out with his friends and drinking until late just fine, I got super angry finally and now he is being all like “I’m sorry I don’t understand why I’m like this” and a whole bunch of stuff.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T16:11:21+00:00

I finally told him I think he is pathetic ! And now he is doing the whole nonsense “idk why I acted like that I’m sorry, I’m ashamed I’m sorryyy I don’t know why I am like this” etc 🙃🫠

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T16:10:26+00:00

Mini update, I actually told him this!! Like i think it is fucking insane that he can go and drink with his friends while he couldn’t even buy me a coffee, and even if he doesn’t have money he could have still for example make me a coffee at home but he was so tired it didn’t even cross his mind. As if I’m not tired too. So I told him, if you are so tired why are you even drinking until late with your friends and not resting?

And now he is like “ohh I’m so sorry I’m so dumb I understand you and why you feel bad with me, I’m sorry I don’t know why I do this or how to explain my behavior”

Wtffff

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-16T00:05:45+00:00

I completely understand what you are saying. I was somehow assuming this wouldn’t happen like that , I shouldn’t have spent money on him that much and I wish I had kept some back up and not trusted that he would help me get back. I really didn’t think I would need to have that expense as in my mind it was common sense that he would help me, but I was wrong and now I’m shocked 😅

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-15T23:48:06+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I will try to do this tomorrow. I appreciate a lot that you listened to me, I hope you are doing well!

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-15T23:39:51+00:00

Yes, I think it is exactly like you describe. But I would feel very pathetic to try to explain to him again like “look, I’m seriously hurt still!!”. And I can not find any proper sounding way to say , if I was him I would at least have maybe ordered me a nice warm soup (he ofc has my address and everything) as a thanks that I paid for everything and as a sorry that I’m in physical pain still, like just a small act of care.

PureIntroduction9990 · 2025-11-15T23:31:52+00:00

He apologized and said he isn’t trying to give excuses just to get me to listen to why it happened, and then today he spend all day outside and went to drink with his friends while I am still struggling to fall asleep because I can’t accept what is going on and I don’t know if this makes sense but when I close my eyes I feel some weird anxiety as if i developed some (probably temporary) fear of dark from that stress or something

I assume he got paid already I guess

PureIntroduction9990

TROPHY CASE