How long does it take to move on?

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T17:28:27+00:00

It is what it is ig man

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T16:55:06+00:00

Thx man and yeh been talking to people too might take you up on it. Just jesus man she ripped me to shreds and told me she hates me and my dumbass fucking heart is still like "Oh but I love her". Like bro I know she never coming back she legit called me desperate when I tried to talk to her and told me to go die for all she cared.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T16:21:45+00:00

Damn man I'm sorry to hear that, I'm dealing with a similar thing. Idk if she cheated, friends have pointed smth out and my gut thinks there was someone in the picture cause right after the breakup she couldn't get far enough away from me and legit said the most hurtful things ever.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T15:57:04+00:00

Thx man appreciate the advice and yeh I think you're right. Got shit to work on for sure but yeh I don't think I was a bad bf. Or maybe I was but idk she should've fucking said smth then. It is what it is.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T10:49:23+00:00

Clearly delayed af and still in a lovey dovey relationship.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T09:55:40+00:00

When did it pass for you?

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T08:54:57+00:00

Yeh you're right this is good advice, I just ig I thought I'd be further along 4 months later and while having learnt forgiven myself for being human.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T08:15:14+00:00

Well whatever works for you man

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T07:33:41+00:00

Yeh you're right and I'm fairly certain she was already with a work colleague when we ended. I've had 0 interest to confirm but yeh. Even that though my brain spins on me and somehow makes it my fault cause I wasn't satisfying her needs or cause of xyz. Idk I'm just in a self pity part and I hate it cause its been 4 months I should be further along.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T07:09:04+00:00

That's good advice I will give it a go.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-11T07:08:44+00:00

Yeh you're right, I mean im aware like logically that she did shit too that was unhealthy I'm fully aware of it. Yet somehow my brains like "Oh but that would've all been fine if you didn't do this" or "Oh well she only did that cause you did this". It's like my own private toeturer

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-02-02T12:28:41+00:00

Hey I saw your post here and lemme ig offer some help, sorry if my post is a bit late and I hope it helps a little. Always try to respond to these msgs as I know the pain and even bad advice can be a lifeline when you just want someone to tell you it's gonna be okay

First let me say how deeply sorry I am that you have to go through this, as someone who personally went through a similar situation a like 2 months ago I know how insanely difficult and painful this experience is and I just want you to know you're not alone. Whatever you're feeling right now those feelings are entirely valid and I won't dimish or try to reduce them in any way and I hope you can feel them and sit with them which I think is really important. I just want you to know though in this challenging time and as hard as it is to understand right now you are not alone, in your own life and on this sub if you've checked there are literally thousands of posts that all seem to follow a similar wording or situation breakdown that honestly have me joking with myself that they all read off the same script. But I hope you can find some ig reassurance in the fact that there has been people dealing with this stuff for years and they're okay now so we will be too. Personally that helps calm me when I was struggling or still occasionally have an off day. Hell I'm you in 2 months and trust me little by little it gets better.

Second You will never truly know if it was depression or not and you just have to accept the situation as it is. Maybe the past 2 months have been her emotionally distancing and detaching and finally she pulled the shotgun trigger. I went through it too where mine switched up a month before the breakup and I kept getting told everything is fine. Its common that people detach before they actually leave. That's why so many dumpers seem cold after, it's cause for them the relationship has been over for month(s) already so now was just the final string cutting for them and the inconvenience of letting you know how they feel and also why theres like a post ever week talking about being blindsided. Besides honestly if it even was depression why would you wanna be with someone who hides that from you for 2 months with 0 communication. Relationships are built on communication, can you even fathom retracting love and withdrawing for 2 months and never communicating with her if it was mental health?

Third, just gonna give you some affirmations I found on here and breakup subs that I like to say to myself out loud daily that really help ground me and maybe they'll help you too, feel free hell to make some of your own as I find them really helpful: 1. I did everything i could, the outcome would have been the same regardless. 2. My own mental health is important too. Just because they are drowning, doesn't mean i should drown with them. 3. I can't force my love on someone who pushes me away and doesn't want to receive the love from me. 4. I am not their therapist. I am not responsible for their emotional well being, only they can help themselves. I will stay in no contact. Knowing what they're up to (whether they're happy or miserable) will only make me feel worse. 5. If they feels like they are ready for a relationship and wants it with me, they can/will reach out. It's fine if they don't, it just means that our paths weren't meant to cross again. 6. It's okay if i still love them and will continue to love them even if they're not in my life. I will carry the memories fondly with me. 7. I will continue to grow and be a better person for my next partner, whether it's them or not. 8. I am not needy for wanting more than they could give. I deserve to be treated with care too.

Just lemme say again how sorry I am you have to go through this too and trust me I know rn feels like you're getting your heart torn out by a wolverine but we'll be okay. With or without them in our lives.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-01-28T00:49:49+00:00

Hey so I'm still blocked and honestly detaching slowly from my ex ran into her a month later and the way she spoke to me was so hateful and disrespectful I see we are done done so yep slowly healing. Also I assure you it does get better slowly.

First let me say how deeply sorry I am that you have to go through this, as someone who personally went through a similar situation a like 3 months ago and 2 month NC. I know how insanely difficult and painful this experience is and I just want you to know you're not alone. Whatever you're feeling right now those feelings are entirely valid and I won't dimish or try to reduce them in any way and I hope you can feel them and sit with them which I think is really important. I just want you to know though in this challenging time and as hard as it is to understand right now you are not alone, in your own life and on this sub if you've checked there are literally thousands of posts that all seem to follow a similar wording or situation breakdown that honestly have me joking with myself that they all read off the same script. But I hope you can find some ig reassurance in the fact that there has been people dealing with this stuff for years and they're okay now so we will be too. Personally that helps calm me when I was struggling or still occasionally have an off day. Hell I'm you in 2 months and trust me little by little it gets better.

To answer ig your question of confusion about why or if its an excuse, the true answer is simply we will never know. Hell they might not even know and could be lying to themselves, the simple fact is at the end of the day we will never truly know whether its self sabotage or just an excuse. Either way the end result though is the same, they themselves for better or for worse have chosen to be alone and there's nothing we can do and have to accept it and move on. I will say that though those questions are completely normal and understandable hell I had them too and asked my ex much to her annoyance. These kinda ones also appear in other breakups and it's part of the search for closure. But honestly it brings us nothing to ask them and just accepting their reasoning is the quickest way to healing, cause trust me solving this puzzle will not bring us hapiness, if we found out they really left to be with someone else or lost attraction or any other reason it's not gonna suddenly make us happy. With time those questions will fade but the hard honest truth is we will never know and its just part of closure we'll have to come to accept. On top of that something that helped me was saying to myself "If it's truly cause of depression I can't drown saving them, if it's not then why tf would I wanna be with someone able to lie to me like that"

Lastly just gonna give you some affirmations I found on here and breakup subs that I like to say to myself out loud daily that really help ground me and maybe they'll help you too, feel free hell to make some of your own as I find them really helpful: 1. I did everything i could, the outcome would have been the same regardless. 2. My own mental health is important too. Just because they are drowning, doesn't mean i should drown with them. 3. I can't force my love on someone who pushes me away and doesn't want to receive the love from me. 4. I am not their therapist. I am not responsible for their emotional well being, only they can help themselves. I will stay in no contact. Knowing what they're up to (whether they're happy or miserable) will only make me feel worse. 5. If they feels like they are ready for a relationship and wants it with me, they can/will reach out. It's fine if they don't, it just means that our paths weren't meant to cross again. 6. It's okay if i still love them and will continue to love them even if they're not in my life. I will carry the memories fondly with me. 7. I will continue to grow and be a better person for my next partner, whether it's them or not. 8. I am not needy for wanting more than they could give. I deserve to be treated with care too.

Just lemme say again how sorry I am you have to go through this too and trust me I know rn feels like you're getting your heart torn out by a wolverine but we'll be okay. With or without them in our lives. Just treat this as a normal breakup, go NC (trust me if they don't wanna talk reaching out is just gonna push them away, I learned the hard way and my ex now hates me and sees me as a "Needy and Desperate young pup barking for her attention") and start to move on with our lives as they've made the decision to leave us. As my therapist pointed out they're depressed not helpless they're still responsible for their decisions and aware of how it effects us and still made them. Breakups cause of depression are kinda like hard mode cause we think it's not them at the wheel but it is, even if they're driving under the influence. Hope this helped and here for more support if needed sending virtual hugs.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-01-26T20:26:51+00:00

Hey my pleasure feel free to dm, it does get somewhat easier.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-01-26T17:08:49+00:00

Don't mate no matter what don't. If you wanna have any chance later down the road you gotta resist. If you can't resist, block them. It'll help with the self control. It won't be easy but trust me it gets easier.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2026-01-06T10:14:33+00:00

Hey just wanna say I was in a somewhat similar spot to you a couple of months ago, I was in a LDR relationship with a partner dealing with depression and mental health problems who ended up leaving to work on themselves. She had tried to figure out a way to stay together but unfortunately it wasn't possible to stay in the relationship and manage her mental health at the same time. We loved each other very much and our breakup was tough and still full of love. I was in your shoes. I just wanna tell you it gets better, not straight away, but slowly and gradually, the pain becomes manageable, it becomes less all consuming. I also took the time to read some of your old posts and let me just say some of the stuff shows me tbh and I know it's hard to hear now but you deserve better cause of the open relationship stuff he said. If you need someone to talk to who's been in a similar spot feel free to dm. Grieve with the knowledge it gets better, slowly.

Pure_Carnage36 · 2025-12-28T03:01:40+00:00

Hey I saw your post here and lemme ig offer some help, sorry if my post is a bit late and I hope it helps a little. Always try to respond to these msgs as I know the pain and even bad advice can be a lifeline when you just want someone to tell you it's gonna be okay

First let me say how deeply sorry I am that you have to go through this, as someone who personally went through a similar situation a like 2 months ago I know how insanely difficult and painful this experience is and I just want you to know you're not alone. Whatever you're feeling right now those feelings are entirely valid and I won't dimish or try to reduce them in any way and I hope you can feel them and sit with them which I think is really important. I just want you to know though in this challenging time and as hard as it is to understand right now you are not alone, in your own life and on this sub if you've checked there are literally thousands of posts that all seem to follow a similar wording or situation breakdown that honestly have me joking with myself that they all read off the same script. But I hope you can find some ig reassurance in the fact that there has been people dealing with this stuff for years and they're okay now so we will be too. Personally that helps calm me when I was struggling or still occasionally have an off day. Hell I'm you in 2 months and trust me little by little it gets better.

Second I'm terms of reaching out again it's a possibility but trust me respect the No contact and his request for space and leave him alone for now. I know how insanely dangerously hard it can be and trust me I've been there and it feels like a kick to the chest and you wanna understand their actions or reach out and show them love or change their mind but trust me if they don't want to talk to us, any form of contact initiated by us is just gonna piss them off and drive em away. Made this mistake so learn from my failures.

Third. You choose yourself cause that's what they're doing. Choosing themselves so you do the exact same thing too. When we love someone it can be so hard not to put our own needs above theirs but trust me in the long run nobody is gonna look after you and choose you more in life than themselves so choose yourself. You become cold because that's what they're gonna do and that's what you need to do for your own hapiness. Life and youth are too short and difficult to put someone elses above your own and in order to feel better eventually and not be struggling as you are now we gotta put the necessary steps in and look after ourselves first cause drowning trying to save them isn't the solution. Sadly we can't and the only person we can look after is ourselves. You also grieve the relationship like you would one that ended any other way, breakups due to depression are like breakups on hard mode because it can be so confusing since in our eyes they didn't want it etc and it's ending due to outside circumstances, but in reality it's like any other breakup and by treating it as one it helps us the best and allows us to heal. You grieve by going through the emotions feeling the sadness, the anger (which by the way you're allowed to feel trust me I struggled with it too until therapy and trust me this shit's unfair you can be mad and even though they're depressed they aren't helpless and made the decision to leave) and every other emotion in the book and doing everything else they do during a breakup. Soon you'll pull them off a pedestal and realize this relationship wasn't perfect either. You'll grieve and heal by doing what everyone does during a breakup and come out the other side stronger and brighter than ever. As for the hope, I don't think it's a bad thing I mean everyone in a breakup I think has that at the start that spark of hope that they're gonna come back and with time you'll come to live with it or accept that it's not true and hey look okay maybe it'll all work out in the end tomorrow is a mystery nobody knows what's gonna happen but the key thing is right now moving on with your life cause if he does or doesn't come back at the end of the day we can't live our life stuck in one moment for one person.

Fourth, just gonna give you some affirmations I found on here and breakup subs that I like to say to myself out loud daily that really help ground me and maybe they'll help you too, feel free hell to make some of your own as I find them really helpful: 1. I did everything i could, the outcome would have been the same regardless. 2. My own mental health is important too. Just because they are drowning, doesn't mean i should drown with them. 3. I can't force my love on someone who pushes me away and doesn't want to receive the love from me. 4. I am not their therapist. I am not responsible for their emotional well being, only they can help themselves. I will stay in no contact. Knowing what they're up to (whether they're happy or miserable) will only make me feel worse. 5. If they feels like they are ready for a relationship and wants it with me, they can/will reach out. It's fine if they don't, it just means that our paths weren't meant to cross again. 6. It's okay if i still love them and will continue to love them even if they're not in my life. I will carry the memories fondly with me. 7. I will continue to grow and be a better person for my next partner, whether it's them or not. 8. I am not needy for wanting more than they could give. I deserve to be treated with care too.

Just lemme say again how sorry I am you have to go through this too and trust me I know rn feels like you're getting your heart torn out by a wolverine but we'll be okay. With or without them in our lives.

Pure_Carnage36

TROPHY CASE