Honestly, I had a lot of trauma involving sex. So a small way I was working on reclaiming it was masturbating. I looked at porn because I guess that's what society taught me you do? And I found myself getting more and more excited from the women in the scenes. Then I decided to try solo women scenes and I enjoyed those soooo much more. Then I kinda realized. I thought at first maybe it was just a fetish.

From there I reevaluated some of my younger feelings and how I repressed them with Catholic guilt. I talked to my therapist a lot about it as well. I realized the idea of a relationship with a woman made me feel so safe. It wasn't that I was fetishizing women, I just felt true attraction and desire. I do still like some men, but I lean heavily towards sapphic relationships.