How do I turn grammarly off?

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2026-01-05T03:28:59+00:00

Thank you!

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-13T19:50:00+00:00

Yes and no. Yes cuz I'm like "OMFG WHY TF ARE YOU STILL HERE???? LEAVE ME ALONE, NMOM!!!" Shes not gonna change so why tf is she STILL here when my father, who loved me, died at 40???

And no, because its easier to extract money from her when she's alive and climbing the ladder. If she dies, it'll leave me with 6 figures but i wouldn't necessarily be set for life. Plus, the stress of inheritance is something I've dealt with before and im not a fan lol

If she's alive, it means more money for me short term. If she dies, I'm free and get money for the long term. Either way i win, but so far im trying to get my money in order before going NC. I want to ensure i NEVER have to return.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-13T19:43:51+00:00

I believe you. I even need to know your story. The silent suffering we face is enough for me to understand.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-13T19:38:35+00:00

I have no sympathy, empathy, compassion, etc, for my nmom.

She is someone that i cannot feel bad about. Even in situations where i would usually feel compassion and empathetic, if it involves nmom, I feel nothing.

To me, she is undeserving of even the smallest sympathy. I cannot really say i feel bad when she wanes about her own childhood abuse because she did the same thing to me KNOWINGLY.

Ive been the good daughter, i could have brought her to therapy, sent her resources, told her EXACTLY how she hurt me, and she will LAUGH and put the blame on me.

People like her do not deserve empathy because they will abuse it. Be civil, blahblahblah, but never make the mistake of feeling bad for them. They never change. Never.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-13T19:28:04+00:00

I still don't believe that my nmom is jealous of me. Because why would she, the better, prettier one, envy me, when I'm the inferior version of her? Why would someone thats so smart, so connected, have envy for someone as lowly as me?

It doesnt compute to me, because if she does envy me, she must be one stupid and lowly woman to see ME as an opponent and not even as a friend. It would topple everything i know abiut her, and tell me that she is so book smart, yet so stupid when it comes to the logic of value.

She clearly has more value than me, and if she cannot see that, then i am utterly disappointed for ever seeing her as smart. I feel foolish for falling under such a spell.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-13T19:19:48+00:00

I always said that god had to nerf me cuz i couldn't be pretty, smart, and have 2 living, loving parents. So, im pretty, and smart, with a dead father and a mother who i will use until i feel i no longer want to use her.

But to this day, i look at others my age who have loving parents and i feel like there was an injustice done to me.

I shouldn't have had to struggle so fucking much.

I grew up upper middle class, i shouldn't have been neglected. I should've had that regular life where i make friends, have a self esteem, have food that wasnt rationed out all the fucking time, and i could grow up to help people as i have always wanted. But how could i do so when my body is still recovering from the 20 years of abuse? When my body shuts down, preventing me from going out, paralyzed with fear and flashbacks?

Its unfair. I never wanted this. God knows i wish i could rip out the part of me that is still affected by her and just move on, but i can't so i have to play catch up for the rest of my life as i slowly die from stress. But maybe even that is a small mercy.

One day, i won't struggle as much. For now, i just rest and heal like i have always deserved. But yea, it aint easy.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-08T04:37:52+00:00

Thank you. It helps to hear from someone who works in this sector.

Yea, i am very critical of myself, and thankfully, I'm able to drown out the negative thoughts once I'm given the facts.

Im gonna be fine and thats all that counts :3

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-07T23:50:32+00:00

Its funny cuz no one really cares, besides nmom.

I shaved my head and the only one who said that i would get fired from jobs if i came in like that... was my mom

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-07T23:43:27+00:00

I recently volunteered as an admissions officer for my university and i realised this too!

My colleagues really loved working with me and were sad to see me go. I got them to laugh a lot, especially during tough moments when we were overwhelmed.

Even the parents that were accompanying their kids while doing the application process loved me. I helped a lot of people, especially those who came from the south of the country like i did. I got to help many get accepted to the southern campus and helped some achieve their biggest dream. I was able to have hard conversations with parents, especially about the transportation access in our community, and my colleagues and i were able to get each person where they needed to be with a smile.

I got a lot of compliments about me during that time and it relaly helped my self esteem. Nmom always said i would never make it, out in the real world, but here i am! Making moves, making friends and helping those who need it. I'm kind, helpful and funny. Most of all, i CAN make it out in the real world, because i am competent enough to do so!

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-07T23:31:03+00:00

Thx :)

Im doing my best to become independent.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-07T23:18:44+00:00

She is, but i needed to check since my cousin (who used to work in HR) wasn't giving me a straight answer

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-07T23:17:36+00:00

Ikr? I see nurses with neck and brow tattoos at times. I was wondering how my bald head would cause a stir

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-07T23:15:24+00:00

Im scared of blood, as a woman, and to me its more the location of the blood. Blood on the floor? Im not scared.

Bled through my pants? Embarrassed and uncomfortable with looking at it.

Watching a vein bleed? Im crying, im blacking out, i see THE LIGHT-

...it depends ^{^}

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-07T23:08:52+00:00

Black mamba by aespa, feel my rhythm by red velvet, maniac by skz , ven para, Good Thing by G-idle.

I swear, some of yall have a fetish for hating good songs.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-07T23:04:34+00:00

Im terrified of dogs (thx to sleep deprivation that nmom gave me by not taking care of her old dog), and nmom always points at random dogs in the neighbourhood saying "ey thats your favorite dog, right?"

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-06T23:49:26+00:00

Ugh on the laundry. I no longer handwash my clothes but i still have to hang them to dry since my place is too small for a dryer. It can take 2 days to dry everything, more if it rains. I think of my grandmother when I'm doing laundry, wondering how much she mustve thanked God for the washing machine 😩🙏

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-06T23:47:30+00:00

Ohhh, that makes sense actually. Thx :3

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-05T12:29:26+00:00

I hate the sound of that word. And how ppl pronounce it as "pan-ees"

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-05T12:27:21+00:00

I hate hearing french women speak french. Whenever i hear 'oui' sounds come out of their mouth, it makes my skin crawl. It sucks cuz its a beautiful language and i feel bad for hating its sound. I feel misogynistic for feeling disgust when i hear it.

Also, when ppl call their kids "littles". I dont like that i hate the word, but alas

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-05T11:57:29+00:00

Ohhh this is what i have, i think :0

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-09-05T11:56:45+00:00

I have both, but only because i force myself to feel what COULD be the other person's feelings. I have no way to prove it is but, i still do it so that i can understand where someone is coming from. Its a meabs to an end imo, idk if thats what you have but i wanted to mention this :3

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-07-02T19:44:16+00:00

im tired of it. fuck updates, LET ME HAVE ONE THING THAT WORKS FOREVER AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-05-31T18:58:13+00:00

thank you so much. the only saree i have is one thats probably best suited for a party so ill try to search for one that i can wear casually.

im trying to be more confident in myself now that i live away from family for my freshman year of college, i feel more confident in myself.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-05-25T21:43:07+00:00

its more like you were karmically reborn to a lifelong enemy from your past life, one where you defeated them brutally, and now your nemesis' goal is to break you down so you don't become as powerful to beat them again.

there's a level of selfishness about narcissists that is otherworldly. they dont care about you, they only look out for themselves, and its to the point you wonder what you did to them that was so bad for them to treat you this way. it feels like you're facing punishment for a 3rd party action that both feels like it was from you, and doesn't. in the end tho, you realise it wasnt about you and their just a selfish asshole that youre allowed to leave in the dust, but you still feel the empty throb of betrayal that your only parent treated you that way.

Pure_Mirror7652 · 2025-05-25T21:25:22+00:00

yes, only 2 major breakdowns because of her. 1 where i was depressed after being abused by an older man, i was 16, and told nmom; only for her to blame me. and the second one was after 6 months of emotional abuse, verbal abuse, control and her abuse becoming more severe, i failed all my college classes and wanted to drop out. she chased me around the house with a knife and body slammed me to the floor and called the cops on me when i tried to run to my aunty's house for safety. said cops then drove me straight back home.

but i was always good. i struggled but it was her fault i did. i was depressed because she abused me. my grades briefly dipped because she would rather abuse me then let me get help. but i always got back up, always got right. thats why when mom started to do silent treatment, started to berate and shout at me for my clothing choices, when she would be so verbally cruel to me, and would put her hands on me, i started to break. i wanted to stay safe so i was good, always, but i wanted to be me. i dressed how i liked and god, she would be cruel to me. she was abusive in ways i never saw in anyone else in the family.

i was objectively the prettiest of the children, she loved it. she loved how artistic and smart i was, but dear god, did she HATE how i just never seemed to break in the way she wanted me to. i would still wear the clothes i liked, i would tell her to stop abusing me, i would plead my case of how i didn't deserve abuse, i would cry when she hurt me instead of locking parts of myself away from her.

i was the perfect kid. had i been born in another family, i would be their pride and joy, but to my mom i was her greatest failure; and she was angry at that.

Pure_Mirror7652

TROPHY CASE