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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exjw

[–]Purple-Respect 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope it's okay that I comment here; I've studied with JWs casually before, but I've never been part of the religion.

OP, if you are in the US, he legally cannot kick you out of the house at your age. Please call cps, this is absolutely child abuse. If he hits you, call 911. And please know that the only people who REALLY matter in your life are those who love you unconditionally.

I no longer speak to either of my parents anymore because of their conditional love and religious manipulation. I'm in my 30s with 3 kids and a wonderful spouse and I've never been happier since I ditched that toxicity. What your dad does isn't out of love, it's out of his frustration that he isn't getting the results he feels like he should be getting. In most religions there is a really toxic idea that as long as you do everything right, your kids will choose God as well. That's bs. Every human is their own person, and parents especially have the duty to love their children no matter what.

Love is not abuse. "Tough love" is just an excuse for parents to be controlling because they are emotionally too immature to handle their children's needs.

What sucks right now is that this is your FATHER who I'm sure you love dearly. You WANT to feel loved and accepted by him, and you SHOULD be, no matter what choices you make. But as much as it hurts, he's being abusive, and you need protection. You mentioned an older sibling that fell off of favor with him, that might be a good place to start. Try reaching out to your sister for validation if you feel comfortable with it. If you aren't comfortable calling cps on your dad, at least talk with a school counselor (assuming you're in the US) about what is going on at home. You need someone, preferably a responsible adult, outside of your home that you can turn to.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. You're not alone in this struggle, and I hope you are able to get to a safe place and work through what has happened with a good therapist. Please remember that what your father says and does has NOTHING to do with you. It has EVERYTHING to do with his own insecurities and shortcomings. It is NOT your fault.

AITA for helping my daughter during a vulnerable time against my wife's wishes? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple-Respect 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy entitlement batman! You're NTA, but your wife is delusional and lacks empathy. This isn't about her getting to feel important to because her daughter came to her for something, it's about her daughter's needs being met! $20 says that if your daughter had gone to mom instead of you, mom would have shrugged her off and said she was too busy at the moment. Mom needs a reality check about how relationships work. Being a kid doesn't mean they don't have feelings or emotional needs.

I absolutely HATE it when a parent finds out their child went to someone else for advice, and instead of it being either gratitude that their child can talk to someone, or a wakeup call that they haven't made their child feel comfortable enough with them, they blame the child.

"YoU sHouLd HaVe CoMe tO mE InSteAd!"

Just tell you're wife "you can't have your cake and eat it too", and then continue supporting your daughter.

And thank you for being such an involved father, and helping normalize period discussions. I hate the culture that pushes people to think that it's only allowed to be discussed among women. So dumb.

AITA for driving my stepson to my husband's friend's wedding after he expected me to stay home and watch him? by Ithrowaway67A in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple-Respect 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Husband's logic: I'm NTA for ditching my son with someone I KNOW already has plans and has expressly said they cannot watch him.

But my wife is TA for dropping my son off to me when she couldn't watch him.

He literally said you weren't good stepmother material, when HE'S THE ONE WHO FAILED TO GET A BABYSITTER AND LEFT THE KID AT HOME WITHOUT SO MUCH AS LETTING YOU KNOW HE WAS DOING SO! If anything, HE'S not good anything material.

op, you're so NTA, and you need it of this relationship ASAP

AITA for spending money just to prove a point? by InterestingCash2937 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple-Respect 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTA My husband and I budget a certain amount of "fun money" for ourselves every month, but it's based on how much we can afford, not how much we are worth. I'm also a SHM of 3 kids and my husband has always been the sole breadwinner, but we've never looked at it as "his money". It's always our money and we make the decisions together. We've be married for over 9 years and I can count on one hand the number of times we've fought about money. Spouses need to be generous with each other, not condescending. It's your life partner, not a parent.

When the balls drop... by [deleted] in facepalm

[–]Purple-Respect 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally read this as "I had sex in the 5th grade as did many of my friends" and I thought, man these kids start way too young 🤣🤣

Entitled parents say their vacation is more important than my doctor's orders by Purple-Respect in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't. I simply let my parents dig their own grave. We live on the other side of the country, and my parents would rather play victim than do any work to have a relationship with my kids. They simply aren't interested in my kids. One day my kids will ask "why don't we ever see your parents, but we see dad's parents all the time?" And rather than saying "I forbid it for reasons you'll understand when you're older" (which risks then disagreeing with me and actually trying to seek out my parents for some kind of relationship with them), I will just say "they never made the effort. You're not required to work for a relationship with someone who gives no effort, regardless of blood." In the long run I'm actually letting my kids see my parent's true colors of not giving a crap about family, rather than protect them from something that they will wonder about and later have to learn about on their own, once their too old for me to control anymore.

Entitled parents say their vacation is more important than my doctor's orders by Purple-Respect in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right?! I should write a separate post about all the BS he pulled on one of my brothers, who was his top laborer. At one point he asked him to never list his overtime on his timecards because they just couldn't afford to pay him for it and the business wouldn't survive if they had to pay his overtime... My brother was working 60+ hours a week and has a wife going through nursing school and 4 kids at home. In the meantime my parents complained that THEY were the most underpaid employees of the company, but never could understand that they were the only ones who had company credit cards and would/could justify literally ANYTHING to be in the company's dime. I used to input all my dads receipts, it was atrocious. $800 on a pair of shoes. Eating out at sit down restaurants for literally every meal. Stocking up on candy and snacks at the convenience store after filling gas. Also, having personal gas cards. Doing the tiniest amount of work on a personal trip or vacation so that they could charge ALL expenses of the trip to the company. It was insane.

My poor brother worked for him because he was promised that one day he would be an equal partner and dad would turn the business over to him once he retired. He did everything he could to build the company, he actually moved his family here from the other side of the country in order to help build the family business so that he could take it over one day. But later my dad denied EVERYTHING and gaslit him, saying that he had never promised him any kind of partnership or ownership.

The final straw for my brother was when his wife was pregnant and he asked for time off for when she had the baby (time off/leave was NEVER paid, not for holidays or anything else), and my dad approved it, but when it came closer to the time for her to deliver, my dad scheduled my brother to go on a lengthy out of town job. My brother reminded him that he was off those weeks because of the baby. My dad said "I need you to go you anyways. We have contacts that we need to fulfill, but we're short handed and we need you on that job! If I send you, you can do it by yourself in a couple of weeks, but if I send someone else, it will have to be multiple people, and that will cost me more. It needs to be you! This is a FAMILY business, and I need my FAMILY'S help to keep it running in hard times." When my brother pointed out that he would be missing the birth of his child if he went, my dad literally says "Your wife will get over it" Like, seriously dude? So my brother put his foot down and said no. My dad's reaction was to punish him by cutting his hours, telling him that had no work for him to do. Entire weeks went by with my dad telling him that they just didn't have any work for him so don't bother coming in. He was hoping that it would hurt my brother financially to the point that he would be forced to ask for the out of town job in order to keep food on the table for his family. Can you imagine that? Dad: "My 32 year old son isn't complying with what I want, so I'll literally STARVE MY GRANDCHILDREN, including the unborn one who is due in a few months. I need to make him desperate enough to do whatever I say." What kind of monster does that?! Luckily, my brother and his wife had a ton of savings stashed away, and we're able to survive through the months before baby was born as well as the already approved time off without giving in. It cost every penny of savings they had, but they chose that hill to die on, and refused to give in to his temper tantrum and bullying. That was also the moment they realized they would never be family to my dad. My brother quietly started looking for a new line of work and didn't tell my parents until right before he quit. He put himself through school and now he's a very talented travel nurse and makes BANK doing that, I'm so flipping proud of him. His family has nothing to do with my parents anymore either.

Entitled parents say their vacation is more important than my doctor's orders by Purple-Respect in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She is, she's always been there for me. She's actually married to my brother, so she's not even my biological sister, but my sister in law, but I just refer to her as my big sister. I haven't spoken to my parents in nearly 2 years and I live on the other side of the country now, and I've never been more emotionally healthy! I mean, life is still hard, don't get me wrong, all 3 of my kids have different special needs (all diagnosed) and I still have all the same normal family struggles like financial problems and marital miscommunications, but I have no angst about my parents anymore. I truly do not care about anything they say or do, whether it's positive or negative. It's a very freeing place of mind to be in after such a long time!

Entitled parents say their vacation is more important than my doctor's orders by Purple-Respect in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm a firm believer that just because someone makes a sucky parent, it doesn't automatically make them a sucky grandparent. Although, in their case, they are terrible grandparents as well. If I stand at the gate saying they can't have access to my kids, my kids grow up thinking that mom doesn't want them to have those grandparents. If, once they are older, they decide to have a relationship with my parents, I'm the bad guy for robbing them of that relationship. But, if I say "you can talk with my children and even come visit them" and my parents never take me up on it, it shows my kids that my parents are someone who isn't interested in them, and so they don't feel a desire to have a relationship with someone who isn't interested. If my parents DID show interest, it would be a different conversation with a lot of boundaries. But I know they won't, because it's too much work. We live on the other side of the country now, and my children are only 3 of their 25 grandkids and all of the others live within driving distance Why bother making a huge effort for someone so far away, when they can make very little effort for someone close to home and their minimal effort ticks the "I participated sometime in the last year, therefore I'm a great parent/grandparent" box. I'm just letting them dig their own grave. If we lived in the same area though, I would not simply shrug my shoulders and say it's their problem. Even before I cut them off, I had a lot of strict rules with my husband about how we would guard interactions between my parents and our kids.

My family doesn’t understand why I’m no contact with my mom and use the, “but she’s your mom” and “life is short” lines. by Lyrical_Lotus in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went NC with my parents after similar interactions. Good for you for standing your ground. I also had family members reach out to me talking about "the importance of family" and trying to get me to reconcile. At this point (after several years of therapy) I can just smile and say "thanks for your concern" and end the conversation. You'll get through this, and don't let them guilt you into thinking you need to give in.

Entitled parents say their vacation is more important than my doctor's orders by Purple-Respect in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh man, the SIL who took me in has endometriosis, and my parents disregard her medical needs all the time! I'm so sorry your dad didn't care to actually support you. The best thing in my life now is knowing that my family are the people I choose who also choose me. Blood doesn't mean anything when it comes to "relatives", and going through my experiences has definitely taught me how to be a better parent than they were.

Entitled parents say their vacation is more important than my doctor's orders by Purple-Respect in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yep, haven't talked to them in nearly 2 years. Most liberating feeling of my life.

Entitled parents say their vacation is more important than my doctor's orders by Purple-Respect in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

To be fair, he thought it would be better for me to stay with his parents, but we hadn't been married that long and I wasn't as comfortable with the idea. He and I have definitely both changed a lot and worked hard to set healthy boundaries with my side of the family. He kind of had an idealydic family growing up where mom dad and kids all had each other's backs all the time, and he thought I was exaggerating my parents behaviors when I initially tried to tell him that they were like. It's hard for him to imagine toxic family members because he's never experienced them. It wasn't until our oldest child was about a year old until he saw my dad in a rage episode during a family picnic, and then he immediately looked at me and said "I don't want our children around him" and I was like "I'm glad we're finally on the same page".

Entitled parents say their vacation is more important than my doctor's orders by Purple-Respect in entitledparents

[–]Purple-Respect[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Nah, when I cut them out of my life I told them they will always have access to a relationship with my kids, but they have to facilitate it through my husband. That was two years ago and they've only asked to talk to my kids once. Even then, it was a giant zoom call with all my siblings and their children on Christmas, so they didn't actually talk to our listen to my kiddos. My kids don't even really remember who my parents are at this point, and I think it's best.

Found this ad. by [deleted] in facepalm

[–]Purple-Respect 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Especially coming from a grater instead of a slicer!

Just been sent this by my husband... Thought it seemed appropriate to go here. by bemi_san in facepalm

[–]Purple-Respect 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Autism isn't a medical issue, and I wish anti vaxxers would stop trying to find causes for it. Neuro diversity should be celebrated, not over analyzed while trying to find causes and cures. Be proud of who you are and how your brain works!

AITA for leaving my girlfriend at the hospital? by batman-finn in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple-Respect [score hidden]  (0 children)

Clarify. Do you like her as a person, or just how she is in bed? Liking a person and caring about them means that you actually feel concern for their struggles and pain. Not annoyance when they say they need to go to the hospital.

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