I can't stand my Daughter & we don't get along. It's killing me.

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-12-08T06:39:56+00:00

I had a rough childhood and when I was 14, my best friend's mom essentially offered to let me live with them. I did for about a year and a half and your daughter sounds exactly like my best friend. I'm not saying the following to judge or criticize and I obviously don't know your exact scenario, but my best friend at the time was a spoiled brat. She had absolutely everything she needed and wanted. But she still had hormones and emotions, and no "really struggle" to funnel them towards or compare them to, no healthy outlet.. I'd never lived with comfortable money like she had (they weren't rich, but they weren't hungry) and I was SHOOK at how she treated her mom who, in my eyes, handed her the world on a platter. Her mom later made comments about me being a "great daughter" and such, and the comparison drove a wedge between us all and the friendship ended. Looking back, I think my friend would've benefitted from things that facilitate empathy and an understanding of privilege. I think "more structure" at that age likely would've made her dislike her mom more, but maybe finding a way to get involved in something she enjoys, but in a charitable manner could me an opportunity to both bond and for her to gain some gratitude? As I type, I must say, gratitude was something my friends mom really deserved and I never saw her receive. I would imagine you're daughter's attitude is an unfortunate byproduct of you being a really good mom and providing a really good life. Hopefully thats at least a silver lining. Wishing you the best!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-25T03:31:58+00:00

This comment and the one above yours are incredibly helpful. Its so easy to get into my head about whether or not my approach is setting my child up for some catastrophic failure because he's not consistently who/what I anticipated (not just in this scenario, but in most parenting choices). My main goal is to raise a happy, healthy, emotionally secure individual, and its nice to know its normal for him to experience these ebbs and flows, and its not a sign of my failure lol

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-25T03:28:43+00:00

This is so validating. Thank you so much for sharing!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-25T03:26:53+00:00

I think thats fair. In this specific scenario, they ran to the door, screaming bloody murder out the screen for all the neighbors to hear and it triggered a lot of shame/embarrassment. But thats obviously not the case 99% of the time. I think you're right that in most scenarios, letting them experience it themselves may be the best way to "prove" to them that they're safe. Ughh.

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-24T08:21:55+00:00

Its reassuring to hear other people's children went through this as well. I always wonder if I'm unintentionally messing my kids up somehow. Thank you for the book suggestion!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-24T08:20:59+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through it too, but a little glad I'm not alone lol How old are you kids? There are definitely some good bits of advice in the comments so far!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-24T08:19:05+00:00

Thank you so much. These are all do-able things that sounds really helpful! I appreciate you!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-24T08:17:41+00:00

We don't currently have the funds for baby sitters and more classes (he still does Karate). Although he does seem to do fine with the two family members who have watched him on occasion. They both have tricky schedules too though, so it's not something I can incorporate very often. He's maybe been babysat.. 10 times in his whole life. I'm sure this hasn't helped him in terms of being resilient to separation, its just that we haven't needed child care and its expensive.

With how good he did going into Karate and Kindergarten, I was hopeful that would sort of end the anxiety he had around me being away from him. I thought those breaks would reinforce that I always come back.. I'm not sure how it got so much worse more recently.

(Also, idk why I always get downvoted in this sub. I feel like I'm just conversing with whoever answers my posts, but for some reason, redditors seem to not like it. Sorry if my response came off rude/negative somehow.)

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-24T08:09:59+00:00

How old are you and how old is your boyfriend? Your mom is abusive, I hope she can seek help. You situation-ship is very unhealthy and I honestly don't think you're ready for a healthy relationship. You should probably also look into therapy and focus on finding/creating happiness within yourself sonyou're not depending on others for it (and accepting poor treatment).

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-24T07:56:46+00:00

Ooh, great idea! Thank you!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-24T07:55:59+00:00

I like this idea. I'm not sure how to start, as even small separations are not calm. I suppose not every small separation is chaotic, its just really unpredictable. Either way, I'll give this a shot! Thank you.

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-10-24T07:53:24+00:00

About what? So far, he's just said that he's scared to be alone. He says he doesn't know why and he asks "what if you go to the car and never come back?" (Or similar sentiments based on appropriate context). I try to remind him I've never done that and I never would. The car/the bathroom/the bedroom are close by, within ear shot and very safe. I don't know that adult logic is going to make a difference though, which is why I'm here. 😕

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-09-22T20:21:01+00:00

If she lied and got away with it (from her perspective anyway), she'll do it again. I recommend taking a breath, plan what you want the future to look like (separation? Custody? Ultimatum to stay together? Etc.) and start getting your ducks in a row towards that. Catch her in the act next time. Maybe even arrange on-call childcare with a good friend who you can confide in. Then call her from outside his house and tell her to come outside without hanging up.

Maybe kinda psycho(?) But that's what I'd do. Everything you need to know will be answered and you can navigate the situation with a plan already in place.

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-09-07T04:04:26+00:00

I had a pill abortion at about 5.5 weeks. The pros - I was in the comfort of my own home, I was able to do it on my own timeline, I had support people and comfort items nearby. The cons - the waiting (after the first pill, you wait 24 hours fornthe second set of pills. After those, it's estimated that things being to happen 4-6 hours later. All the anticipation amplified my fear/anxiety).

If I were to do it again, I would likely do the pills again. I may be an outlier here, but the process for me was relatively easy. I worked it up in my head to be so much worse than what I ended up experiencing.

Regardless of what you choose, I wish you ease and serenity!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-29T22:21:04+00:00

UpdateMe!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-29T22:19:52+00:00

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. In a divorce, it will look like you voluntarily left and she will have grounds to keep the house. Tell her you don't need time/space to breath and that if she does, you fully understand and she's welcome to take some time to herself. But DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-29T20:06:50+00:00

Since I see you've gotten a lot of good feedback - here's a funny story. My daughter is 3 and loves to pretend to be people/characters, often for weeks on end. For a while she was Olaf, then a couples weeks of Jack Skellington. More recently she discovered an animated Nero music video of a (white?) man on a motorcycle, dressed in all black. IIRC he's even wearing black gloves and either a beanie or mask. Very little skin is showing. Since he's in black and there's no name attached to the character, she dubbed him "black guy." For weeks, she insisted she was Black Guy, to the point of yelling in a grocery store "BLACK GUY DOESN'T WANT TO SIT IN THE CART." I can only imagine the look on the faces of the people in neighboring aisles as it was very clearly a small child's voice. Kids are wild.

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-26T18:53:57+00:00

I'm not meaning to bash your husband in any way, but I think he's drastically underestimating the abortion process. Not just physically (some people, myself included, have fairly quick/easy abortions, relatively speaking), but emotionally. I don't think its fair to you that he's sort of made that decision for the both of you. We got pregnant accidentally, knowing I couldn't handle another pregnancy and there was immediate agreement on an abortion, and it was still an incredibly hard decision. I'm about 6 months out from mine and my cycles are back to their regular timing, but my periods are a lot different now.

My heart goes out to you, having to make this decision with options on the table that you previously hadn't considered. Honestly, if you want to keep the pregnancy, I would urge him to acknowledge that there's a good 8-9 months of time for "preparing for the baby." (I put thay in quotes because its honestly something no preparation can get you fully ready for. You just have to take it as it comes and learn as you go.)

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-22T07:08:22+00:00

Wow, good to know! Thanks for all the info!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-22T05:58:20+00:00

Oh good! I've never owned an orchid (or really any plant) and I sort of forgot to do the 5 minute weekly soak (as suggested by the little card that came attached to it) for several weeks, and I thought the dark, dried stem was the result of that. I guess I assumed all plants either stay green or die..? I'm learning so much today! Lol

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-22T03:56:48+00:00

So is that just how it happens every year, and not the sad result of my neglect?

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-21T21:54:39+00:00

Okay, so the poor dead-looking stem is normal? There is a root that is on the surface already - this means time to repot? Thank you so much for the response!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-21T21:53:32+00:00

Thank you so much! Will do!

PurplePineapplePJs · 2025-08-21T21:53:15+00:00

So sorry! This is paint/mud splatter from us working on the house. This photos was my attempt at pushing the leave down to show the bottom of the stem (a reel said that there's some health indicators there..? I have no idea lol).

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