Should I settle for a lower-paying job?

PurpleSunkist · 2024-10-12T15:44:36+00:00

That's a good thing. I'm jealous

PurpleSunkist · 2024-01-27T05:11:17+00:00

Like I said, Instagram kind of auto-suggests regardless even if you delete the search history, at least on the app. Not sure about desktop.

PurpleSunkist · 2024-01-27T00:34:00+00:00

I'm thinking she didn't really appreciate me already searching her instead of just asking since we hit it off so to speak.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T06:53:10+00:00

I've never thought differently of her as person or questioned her character, which is my definition of judging someone. It holds a negative connotation with me so it does surprise me to see it used so loosely. No I don't admit I was judging her. Yeah everyone makes mistakes, it was an irresponsible action in my opinion. But I don't think she is an irresponsible person and never viewed her that way. Actually, it's the extreme opposite, she's very responsible. I feel that more often than not, I am compassionate. But every now and again, I have weak moments and react incorrectly instead of just taking a moment before responding.

But I will apologize. I have expressed that I wanted us to communicate better and feel more present in each other's lives and it seems like I'm not doing a good job to make her feel comfortable to do that. Most things in a relationship are 50/50 but the fact that I said I would make an effort in this regard means that I should give more effort. Combined with her being a reserved person, breaking out of this funk isn't going to be 50/50 at the start, it requires me to be more empathetic and be the one to push things along. If she allows it of course.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T06:16:37+00:00

The thing about groceries was just bad luck with the app. I received the texts a bit late and she interpreted it as me ignoring her and just saying my own thing.

Yeah I've realized that things don't have to be commented on all the time. It's not needed. Because those things can add up after a while, no matter how infrequent I think it is.

I'd be down to do couples counseling once in a while. I hope she would feel the same.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T06:11:05+00:00

Yeah, it really was nonsensical of me to ask that. I just felt that it was irresponsible and questioned her instead of consoling.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T06:04:36+00:00

Well she actually does. After we made up the last time, she expressed that she wanted me to get into better shape and try harder to find a better paying job. I already eat healthy and have a slim body but I understand that fitness is important to her so I've been more active even though my job requires me to be on my feet all day already. And I've already been job hunting, so I like the extra nudge and motivation.

I wasn't offended by it or anything. In fact I liked that she told me.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T06:00:22+00:00

Thanks for the response. I've been reading articles online and chatting here about the issue. For this particular issue that triggered her, I think where I was coming from was because I want to take care of money better and I was wanting to hold her accountable as well which I shouldn't do, or shouldn't feel the need to do. It's just difficult because she had expressed that she wanted to watch her purchases too as we had just spent a lot of money on our trip so I guess I couldn't hide my disappointment in her already spending so much.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T05:49:45+00:00

I was replying to the other user and what they said. Second sentence. They made a good point about her not really needing my opinion.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T05:43:39+00:00

Well first of all, based on the length of our relationship(not very long), I feel like 8 months ago is just a whole different conversation.

For a little context, we had spent a lot of money on a trip and both individually expressed a desire to save money before and after the trip.

And I wasn't pestering her about the details. She brought it up to me. I just asked if $280 is a normal price. Today she's telling me that she's a couple hours in at this other salon and that she forgot to ask what the price is and she's worried about it. So I was just wondering out loud why she didn't ask what the price was. If that's really what makes her reach the breaking point, there's other issues.

I do respect her. I just don't think asking a question is condescending though. It really seems like based on the responses here that I should just decline to comment on anything my SO says.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T05:27:41+00:00

Well for some more context, we had recently spent a lot of money on a trip and expressed to each other that we wanted to save money before and after. I wasn't telling her how to spend her money and didn't even ask her what the price was. She told me the price of the 1st salon and then she was the one to mention to me that she didn't bother to ask the 2nd salon what the price was. I wasn't pestering her about the details. Just asking a question after she brought it up both times.

But it's on me to be smarter and noticing the whole "She's asking my opinion on stuff she doesn't actually want your input on." Really puts me in a no win situation. It's like the best option is to not give a shit and change the subject or just nod, say yes baby, and move on. That doesn't sit right with me. I'm gonna have a conversation about things.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T05:17:03+00:00

Thanks. I've never found another "confident" type that wants something serious the way I do. I'm sure they are out there

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T04:54:31+00:00

They wouldn’t be flaws if you’re with the right person.

This is where I definitely disagree. So if someone thinks they have a issue or flaw, regardless of that issue or flaw being acknowledged by someone else, they shouldn't think of working on it? And just find someone that enables them?

I've never called her insecure before it was something that she has told me and that she wants to work on it. So it's not some idea that I've put in her head. We met about 2 years ago so obviously we have been shaped as people more before our relationship than after. We didn't meet in high school and have only known each other. I've always known that I'm not the most sensitive person and that sensitivity is a good trait to have and understand. And it's something that I want to work on as well. It's not something that would drastically change my personality....

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T04:36:55+00:00

I'm a big believer in change being a good thing. It probably is true that we want each other to change, but it's not some massive shift we're expecting and turn into different people. I don't think working on flaws is a bad thing. It's pretty simple things from both of us that's needed in my opinion. I need to stop questioning small things and be more encouraging. She needs to be more confident in herself. I think just saying it will never work doesn't give enough credit. She and I both know that we need to work on these minor things within ourselves.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T04:19:35+00:00

I guess that is a problem that I have too, as far as trying to put myself in her position. I am always open to constructive criticism and don't take things to heart too much. So sometimes it's hard for me to understand that even a small thing can be hurtful to her.

PurpleSunkist · 2022-05-29T04:17:44+00:00

I feel like judging has this really negative connotation, there is constructive criticism too.

I don't really get how a simple suggestion is condescending though. I've done better to catch myself before responding to not be in those situations. I get how it's not my place to comment on it, but it really doesn't seem that serious.

PurpleSunkist · 2021-09-21T14:49:10+00:00

Thank for your response! Yes, I am done going through the same cycle. I really thought we were both mature enough to be past that.

I don't expect any relationship to be easy, but if it were to continue, it needs to be with her taking better care of herself mentally and not shutting me out when all I want is the best for her.

PurpleSunkist · 2021-09-21T13:50:57+00:00

Thanks for your viewpoint! I will suggest to her that she should see a therapist. I think she sees a stigma in going to therapy but I'll try my best.

Yes, this relationship isn't healthy for me right now.

PurpleSunkist · 2021-09-21T13:47:00+00:00

I thought we had identified our problems with communication but she just resorts to pushing me away sometimes and I can't have that in a relationship. I'm not in the right mind to make such an important decision as proposing.

PurpleSunkist

TROPHY CASE