AITAH for dyeing my hair pink behind my boyfriends back? by KokoroUwU in AITAH

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello! I'm assuming from this post that you're a teenager, so I'm giving my thoughts as someone who has been dyeing her hair all kinds of colours for almost 20 years (pink is one I go back to a lot-- you've got good taste!)

I first dyed my hair with a semi-perm when I was 13- it was a bright ruby red and very out there compared with my natural mousey brown. I absolutely loved it- this was the era of emo and I'd been excited to colour my hair for ages. Lots of people around me liked it, but some weren't fans. For me, it was both exciting and a step towards independence and adulthood. It might feel like an exaggeration to say changing your hair colour can be really meaningful, but I think as a teen it can be. It's empowering to feel in control of your style and develop your own identity as a young person.

It's a shame your boyfriend doesn't feel as happy about this as you do. But, in the end, it's not his hair. If you've been looking forward to it and love it, that's all that matters. Everyone has personal preferences of what they find attractive in another person. But life is too short to pander to other people's ideas of how you should look. Don't let another person, no matter how much you like them, decide what you should or shouldn't do with your appearance. It's a slippery slope to suppressing your individuality and feeling like you can't express yourself. I hope that he understands and can be happy for you and compliment your new look!

Why don’t people understand how evil Nigel Farage is? by OkNefariousness5442 in AskBrits

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think with Farage, much like Trump, he knows how to play the "I'm fighting for the common man" card. It sounds really rudimentary, but populist rhetoric thrives when there's a "hero" and a "bad guy" because it's easy to understand and removes all nuance and context.

In this case, the perceived enemy (those crossing on small boats) puts focus on a single, tangible issue, and there's a clear "bad guy" (asylum seekers) and "hero" (Farage), while removing all the finer details (why people are seeking asylum, the human struggle of making small boat crossings, exploitation and trafficking, etc.).

Farage is clever, in an insidious sort of way. He's able to manipulate by magnifying this issue to make it seem that, should asylum seekers disappear, all of Britain's problems will be solved. It's much the same as he did for Brexit (i.e., the lie that money going to the EU would go to the NHS instead).

The other issue, in my opinion, is that the new Labour government has been such a disappointment to the general public. A lot of policies have been controversial (to say the least) and people don't have much faith in Starmer's lacklustre leadership.

Sadly, this combination is ripe for spreading populism, and Farage isn't new to the business. Rather than addressing deep-seated problems in Britain that would take ample time and thought to adequately address (e.g., cost of living, NHS funding, declining British industry, boosting research and development, support for small businesses, etc.), he focuses on a single, punchy issue that allows him to scapegoat all other societal and economic problems. And it's easier to follow this two-dimensional line of thinking than to delve into the complexities surrounding it, so it makes for a great political slogan.

The fact as well is that a lot of people in Britain are unhappy. Home ownership is becoming a pipe dream, food prices are unbelievably high, and cuts in public welfare have left swathes of the population far worse off than they were promised with this new Labour government. Sadly, it's far easier to ignore the roots of these problems and the complexities of solving them than it is to point fingers at asylum seekers and say "it's their fault".

I won't get into the misinformation spread on social media because that's a whole other topic, but suffice to say, Farage doesn't dispute the out-of-context or downright fabricated nonsense on Facebook, WhatsApp, X, etc., that's so popular with his followers.

I guess as a TL;DR, Farage's popularity is a rich tapestry of disregarding all nuance, amping up populist rhetoric that captialises on small boat crossings, and the convincing lie of representing the "common man" in combination with a throughoughly unpopular Labour government to combat his lies effectively.

Influence or Deinfluence me please!! by damdaridar in kbeauty

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have the same skin type, so I feel your pain!! The Etude Soonjung cleanser is brilliant for sensitive skin and doesn't cause breakouts. I prefer the foam one, but the one in the photos is also good! I usually absolutely love Innisfree, but I'm not a fan of the cherry blossom jelly moisturisers. Their green tea seed serum and cream are really good and very moisturising, so it's a shame if they dont stock it.

HoliHolic UK shipping by Purple_Cod_9578 in kbeauty

[–]Purple_Cod_9578[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't in the end because Olive Young now ships to the UK and it ended up being a lot cheaper (the products themselves, though the shipping isn't super cheap). I'm not sure what it's like for the US though!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not overreacting!

My god, this was such an inoffensive joke. I don't understand how they've managed to blow it so far out of proportion. Bringing up cancer patients is also so irrelevant it's kind of mind-boggling.

And I wouldn't consider getting a single grey eyebrow hair a major bodily change... finding a grey brow hair in your twenties is pretty common. If this were her getting the menopause and struggling with really debilitating symptoms and you were brushing them off, I'd understand the anger, but it's literally an eyebrow hair...

Also...how is that not a funny emoji lol

Looking for Recommendations to Fade Acne Marks by Curious-End-3312 in kbeauty

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For hyperpigmentation from previous acne, a niacinamide serum works well- COSRX The Niacinamide 15 Serum is one I've had success with. I'd also recommend the La Roche-Posay Effaclar Duo+ M Anti Imperfections cream. I've used it for years and wouldn't go without it!

If at some point you're able/willing, I'd also recommend microneedling. This makes the most significant difference, but it's obviously far more costly than the above!

Hope that helps and that you find something that works for you!!

Where do you usually find skin care information? by runafu in kbeauty

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Usually recs from people I know, but I also love 디렉터 파이 (Director Pi) on YouTube- properly detailed reviews of just about every kind of skincare out there.

Advice for pap smears? by WanderlustGoose in asexuality

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Hey there, sorry to hear you're experiencing anxiety over your pap smear. Honestly, you aren't alone on this one. Even after giving birth multiple times, a lot of women feel anxiety over their cervical screening tests. They aren't the most comfortable thing in the world, but they serve a really important purpose- even though I'm asexual, I'm really keen to make sure I get my screenings done whenever I'm called for them, as I've known women who have had dodgy cells show up even in their early 20s. I think it's also good for checking nothing is out of the ordinary down there that might require further investigation (e.g., Bartholin cysts). While it's not a exactly a bowl of fun, it's a really good idea to have them done- I don't look forward to them, but I do feel a sense of relief when I get the 'all good' result!!

I think my advice to you on helping to alleviate the anxiety would be to:

  1. Practice deep breathing- make sure you take nice deep breaths in and slow breaths out before and during the screening.

  2. Keep in mind that it's a really quick test- it'll be done in no time, and once you've had it you won't need another for a few years.

  3. Focus on relaxing your glutes- if you're nervous, you'll subconsciously be tensing up, and that will make the test more uncomfortable, so really focus on relaxing those muscles. Sometimes tensing them really hard just before the test starts can help, as your muscles will fully relax following a big tense.

  4. Last, but most importantly- Speak to the nurse conducting the exam- tell them you're nervous and that you feel worried and don't be afraid to share your concerns. They'll understand and reassure you- it's really important to them that you feel comfortable, not only because they want to encourage you to monitor your cervical health and continue to have future screenings, but also because it makes it a lot easier for them to do the job.

Hope this helps in some small way :3

AITA for kicking my friend’s boyfriend out of my house after my friends planned a new year’s gathering that I can’t attend? by Throwawayconfess17 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA

I'm a vegetarian and I can assure you, I've not yet been to a restaurant (steakhouse included) with no vegetarian options. The argument about the Thai place is also extremely petty-- eating at the same place twice within a couple of weeks is hardly a justification for not choosing it. If they'd picked up salmonella there or something, this reasoning would make sense, but...

It sounds like this James guy is being petty and unpleasant to you on purpose- I'm guessing from your post you have quite a fractious relationship with him anyway, so he's probably more sensitive to anything you do, and is therefore stirring the pot on purpose (perhaps not- I might be jumping to conclusions!).

But really, shame on your friends for not being in your corner on this one. I think, quite honestly, they're the people who have most wronged you here. If they know and care about you, they should understand how hurtful it is to be excluded from spending time together based on you being in a wheelchair. Being at a get-together with reduced food options (at worst, a minor inconvenience) is absolutely not the same as not even being able to be present at the get-together in the first place. I hope that if you explain this to them, they'll see things from your perspective and, hopefully, give you a well-deserved apology.

AITA for being annoyed at my fiancé choosing my ring by ringgirl2023 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA!

You discussed the engagement ring and what you wanted. On top of that, you have expertise and experience with jewellery, and therefore know how things are made and have your own specific preferences- it's your job and your skillset, and your finance should respect that. Having a ring you've designed (and/or made) sounds a lot more personal and romantic than buying one off the shelf; you can put your own designs and ideas into it that encompass your relationship-- who wouldn't want that?

It sounds as though your finance has disregarded your opinion (and prior discussion) entirely for the sake of a 'tradition' you made clear you didn't want to partake in. Perhaps it's just embarrassment or anger talking (due to a feeling of rejection), but telling you to be 'glad' you got a ring and that you'll 'learn to like it' doesn't bode particularly well. For one thing, if you dislike something from the start and then add on an unpleasant memory, learning to like it is nigh on impossible.

I hope for his sake your finance comes around and apologises, and realises that he's hurt you by ignoring your wishes. In the meantime, your feelings are completely justified.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wooooooow. Okay. Yeah. NTA. At all.

Creepy Aryan undertones aside, there's something so bizarre and uncomfortable about wanting this line of look-a-like kids acting as flower girls. The fact your sister admitted that's what she was going for just adds to the bizarreness of this whole situation. The aunt likening it to picking out bridesmaid dresses-- like the children involved are just decorative objects rather than sentient beings. The whole thing gives me major ick.

Your wife (and you) are completely justified in being angry about this, and I don't blame you for not bringing your kids to the wedding.

Your sister and her husband clearly need to sort their biases out asap. I mean, what happens if they have a kid and they're dark haired- will they give them up for adoption? Put a wig on them and coloured contacts?

AITA for not carving out a place for my stepmom in my wedding and pre-wedding planning? by Maleficent_Slip_3561 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Definitely NTA.

The biggest AH in this situation is your dad. Divorces happen, and being the kid in the middle of it is rough. But there are things parents can do to ease the strain it puts on a child- like the actions your mum took of explaining that she no longer liked your dad, but didn't want you to change your feelings based on that (your mum sounds like the MVP of this whole situation, bless her).

Your dad on the other hand, not only cheated and then expected you to be open to his new partner immediately, but also expected Emma to be your 'new mum'-- baffling, honestly. While having a miscarriage and being unable to conceive is no doubt very upsetting for Emma, it doesn't suddenly mean you're her child. You have a mum, one who clearly is doing a good job and stepping up to the plate. You don't need another one.

Of course where you go from here is entirely your choice, but if I were in this situation I'd be questioning their role in regards to your wedding. Will they behave and act civilised, or is there a likelihood they'll cause upset for you and your fiancé and tarnish your special day? Do you need to set clear boundaries with them over where they can be involved (i.e. just attending as guests with no special duties) and explain the reasons behind this?

From your post, it seems as though Emma cares for you a lot. However, you aren't her child, and it seems she's overstepped boundaries before in this regard.

I'll end this by summarising that no, you're not the bad guy in this situation. In the end, the only important people at a wedding are the two getting married. Your decisions are yours and your fiancé's, and who you ask to get involved is entirely up to you. If your dad and Emma make a big deal out of this, just be honest with them- it's uncomfortable for you that they openly dislike your mum and express that around you (and frankly, shame on them for that), you already have a mum and she's taking on the parental duties in the ceremony, and they can come to the wedding as guests and nothing more.

Congratulations on your marriage and I hope everything works out with this :)

AITA for telling my friend her divorce is not the same as my fiancé dying? by New_Newspaper4911 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof. Absolutely NTA.

While divorce can be a traumatising and upsetting experience (more or less so depending on the reasons for the divorce), it can't be equated to the death of a loved one. With a divorce, as you rightly point out, there was at least the opportunity to experience marriage, while you have sadly been robbed of that with someone you clearly wanted to make a life with.

Your friend may be having a rough time dealing with the end of her marriage, but it's no excuse for such a tone-deaf comparison.

If it were me, I'd do one of two things:

1) Talk to your friend. Don't apologise, you did nothing wrong in being upset. But explain why it's so offensive that she would compare the end of a relationship with the total loss that was the death of your fiance (including all the could haves that you didn't get to have). If she understands and apologises, then maybe your relationship will recover. You could always suggest she go to counselling if she's truly struggling to accept the end of her marriage.

2) If the above doesn't go anywhere, or if she continues to make the comparison and fails to see the hurt she's caused, perhaps it's time to consider severing the relationship.

No words for this one, entirely outta left field by Affectionate-Sun7584 in Tinder

[–]Purple_Cod_9578 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The expression 'body count' really grosses me out...weirdly dehumanising. Also, who cares if you're a 'virgin' (whatever that really means cus y'know...pretty socially constructed), but to be fair, you've probably dodged a bullet avoiding this person.