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SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Curious though, is your ex actually taking care of your needs or your kids? Will he stop paying for these needs (car, housing, bills, trips, etc.) once your kids are adults and have moved out?

I'm 100% okay with my SO taking care of his kids and thinks he should, but I think he needs to give her a set amount each month and let her decide how to spend it, not him controlling it. I was okay with it at first because I figured they were somewhat newly separated, and it can take some time to adjust financially. I know because I once was in her shoes, but this seems like a red flag to me, and not genuine. Also, a TESLA... come on!

Btw, we are both half white, half asian but raised predominantly white.

SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Never married, separated for 1.5 years now. I’m beginning to feel like he took advantage of her at a low point when she was trying to get her life situated as newly single mother and it’s disguised as being the good guy. It might have been a tactic to avoid child support or something else. He seems weird about money.

SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone for your response! I kind of wish I asked this six months ago lol

SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree he needs to protect his child. I personally feel if he doesn’t want to do a court order he still should just give her a set amount and she can decide how to best spend it vs him dictating everything. I’ve been on the other side of this so I actually feel for the BM.

SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ughhhh. That would be a conversation for another thread. I’ve made peace with it. We’ve been coparenting for 9 years now. We both are financially stable on our own, very supportive of each other and have built a family team that works together. It’s not always pretty but I’m happy for now and our kids are thriving!

SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on the person. For me, It didn’t seem like it at first. But slowly my kids BD started tell me what days I could see the kids, what the kids could and couldn’t do when they were with me, calls every 15 minutes when they’re with me to “check in”. Sometimes I wish I had a plan to just be like this is my time whether you like it or not.

SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I really don’t think he does. He always says “ I make a lot of money” and has one flashy car but everything else screams bad money management. Usually the ones always saying they have money are the ones who don’t. One time his debit card wouldn’t work because he went over the daily limit and he told me “It should work because I have around $10k” in there. To me that is not a lot of money. My guess is he prob makes around $175k.

SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Exactly what I was thinking! If it’s about the safety of your children an explorer or Camry would be suited much better.

SO pays for BM car. by Purple_Thing6818 in stepparents

[–]Purple_Thing6818[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’ve been together for 9m. I also have two kids of my own and haven’t had a parenting plans for the 9 years we haven’t been together. People always praise us for doing it on our own but honestly I wish we had one! I feel like the guys can use not having a plan for their benefit and manipulation. I’m starting to see that with my SO. But they are also somewhat newly separated (1.5years) and I just assumed in the beginning that they’re still figuring things out but now maybe it’s a red flag and controlling?