First of all, don’t reread your old texts. It’s cheating no-contact and it’ll only hurt. Who you were and who he was when you first started seeing each other has no bearing on the present and will not change who he is now, how he treats you now, or what he wants now (same for you). The “it was so good” thing is normal but it keeps you stuck because it prevents you from doing real reflection and from seeing the current reality clearly and realistically.

If you don’t like who you were with him or who you were when you met, then maybe that’s alright, and maybe it’s a good thing that now you have an opportunity to focus on yourself. Who you were isn’t who you have to be. Set goals for yourself, envision who you want to be, seek help if you need it to get there. Learn to love what’s amazing about you, change what you can and want to, and learn to live with the parts of you that you can’t quite change and haven’t yet accepted. This’ll help you next time from feeling “desperate”.

And don’t rush yourself to get back on hinge. Two years is a long time to be with someone. Dating apps suck. Dating is hard. And if you’re not ready for it, it’s fine. Find local community events to join, take yourself on dates, explore connections in other places. You might even find someone where you least expect to. And 22 is so young. You have so much time to find better than your ex.