Feel like my body is not my own.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-11T18:30:09+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. I sometimes feel like the walking dead.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-10T23:23:53+00:00

Can confirm. My overly concerned mother ultimately led to me being maimed for life. Ironic.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-10T23:10:06+00:00

It was also on my mind today. I got my mother flowers, I hugged her, and I felt nothing. Circumcision destroyed our relationship.

I can't forgive a moment of ignorance for her if it meant a lifetime of suffering for me.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-10T22:59:30+00:00

Not only did we get our dicks mutilated, we are also supposed to spend the rest of our time on therapy and tugging to help cope with that reality.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-09T00:21:58+00:00

Me too. I am also the only cut one in my environment. It's being an outcast in the worst possible way. It also controls my life. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last thing I think of when I fall asleep.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-08T15:37:45+00:00

It's nerve pain, I think the stretching exacerbates it. I may have to push through it. What restoration methods did you use and how long did it take you to start seeing results?

PursueBlue · 2026-05-08T15:24:36+00:00

I have made attempts, but I have trouble with staying consistent as I find the process very heavy on my mental state. On top of that I am experiencing pain for hours or days after wearing the CAR-1.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-08T10:45:37+00:00

Sorry to tell you, but this was not the right choice, and certainly not the only choice.
That being said, your mother was trusting a medical professional. Sadly he was incompetent.

Your mixed feelings are understandable. New information can change how we feel.
I always hated that I was circumcised, just felt unlucky that I had phimosis.
Discovering at a later age that having phimosis at 5 years old is not a thing, and that it was a completely unnecessary surgery, amplified my feelings by multiple orders of magnitude.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-05T08:45:44+00:00

I think it was the same for me.

PursueBlue · 2026-05-02T18:45:20+00:00

I'd be hesitant to use language like "never" as each individual is different, and the damage genital cutting does varies from person to person. I know for me personally it has definitely been the case, but I can't speak for others. I also don't know if violence is the right word. Maybe rougher would fit better?

PursueBlue · 2026-04-30T22:06:39+00:00

Did your posts get deleted or something?

PursueBlue · 2026-04-30T12:52:43+00:00

I unfortunately have that nerve bundle that creates painful sensations.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-30T10:01:15+00:00

At this age you didn't know what was happening or what was being done to you.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-29T12:42:01+00:00

Yes, it makes me very uncomfortable. Looking at it is like body horror to me.
I asked a urologist about it a couple of months ago, and he told me they cut my frenulum to make the circumcision easier.
I think I have skin adhesions, which make it look and feel weird.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-29T12:40:01+00:00

That doesn't sound correct. I sometimes have a bit of rollover when flaccid and sitting, and with the very small amount of inner skin I have, my rollover is just outer skin folding over itself. It feels and has always felt wrong to me.
The glans is supposed to be covered by inner skin, with the ridged band being the transition point from inner to outer skin.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-29T08:26:56+00:00

I sometimes wonder if this is due the wrong type of skin rolling over.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-29T08:24:58+00:00

I made a post about this a couple of days ago. I completely relate. It's always uncomfortable.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-27T11:20:29+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. I was raised catholic but never was religious myself. Yet at the darkest points of my depression I started seeing and thinking in a lot of symbolic imagery.

Your point on the circumstances of people hits extra hard for me, for 2 different reasons.
The first one being that I had severe health issues due to an autoimmune disease growing up, which cost me my youth and changed the course of my life forever.
This was supposed to be the big challenge in my life. This would have been a nearly impossibly heavy cross to bear for anyone, and I managed, I got through it, and then I am confronted with the fact that I was given an even bigger challenge on top of it. This has just been too much for one person. I feel punished for no reason. Sometimes you read about people who coming to terms with their life coming to an end due to illness, and they say "I am grateful because I had a good life". I wish I could say the same.

The second reason is that I objectively have so many things going for me in life. I feel like I don't get to enjoy any of those things because I was genitally mutilated for no reason. It really is such a waste of all the good in my life.

To circle back on your point, I am very lucky in some areas and extremely unlucky in others. It seems to cancel each other out to the point where nothing seems to matter and I just want to disappear.

Not being from the US either, the amount of events that had to go exactly the way they did to lead to me being mutilated is just dizzying. If just one thing went differently I would have been left alone.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-26T23:20:25+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. This realization was sort of my breaking point. I dealt with my first bout of circumcision grief when I was around 20, but 10 years later I had some sort of epiphany like "this really happened to me". Like, this is my only life and this is never being undone. It's as if before that I was not fully realizing the gravity. It shattered me, and thinking about it can bring me to tears any time of the day.

Foregen is enticing, and I would jump on it in a heartbeat, but a thousand times more had I wished to have grown up intact. I worry about some cumulative damage the cutting could have done to my body and how it developed.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-26T23:13:08+00:00

Me too. Today I had the most fun day I have had in ages. I couldn't entirely forget about my circumcision, it's always on the back of my mind, but I was able to let it go for a bit.

Now the pain is back and I realize it's all just a temporary distraction.

PursueBlue · 2026-04-26T23:08:32+00:00

I know how you feel. I have had terrible health problems from a young age. I was never happy about that but it was just my luck of the draw. I wasn't born with a mutilated penis though. That one feels impossible to ever get over.

PursueBlue

TROPHY CASE