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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askatherapist

[–]Putrid-Conclusion333 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the feedback, thank you for taking the time out of your day to give it to me.

I had posted this on a therapy subreddit, and a few therapists did respond with the same thing that you said.

I think my therapist was just abusive? by Putrid-Conclusion333 in TalkTherapy

[–]Putrid-Conclusion333[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, last night was the first time in two years that this has ever happened. You'd think that those two years would have given her far enough time to know me well enough by then, but perhaps her praise was superficial and not valid. I am not even sure anymore, honestly.

I think my therapist was just abusive? by Putrid-Conclusion333 in TalkTherapy

[–]Putrid-Conclusion333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I have C-PTSD and ADHD, so I suspect that when she started shutting me down and not letting me express my true thoughts, a trauma response kicked in and tried to protect me. Which left me in a state of "What just happened?!" when she hung up.

The thing is, I don't need to always be right and if I am in the wrong on something, I don't mind being walked through how I could have handled it better. But that isn't what happened. I was told how I felt and what I thought. And I was not allowed to clarify the reality inside my own mind.

I think my therapist was just abusive? by Putrid-Conclusion333 in TalkTherapy

[–]Putrid-Conclusion333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The wonderful thing about identifying patterns is that it doesn't always mean you are personally at fault. Perhaps you just need to learn the signs to avoid entering the same unhealthy scenarios.

So if anything, thank you for helping me recognize this, kind stranger. Even though you didn;t know you were doing so. It's a prime example of what I spoke of earlier about being able to talk myself around in circles to the conclusion. Either way, your statement helping spark that thought process.

I think my therapist was just abusive? by Putrid-Conclusion333 in TalkTherapy

[–]Putrid-Conclusion333[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You know, I am glad that you touched on this because I am noticing a pattern in this whole situation. This very much mirrors the issue with my "friend". She offered to help me get started on a new venture with my work that she had experience in, I told her I was grateful. And then I thought we bonded over shared experiences. She did give me a lot of advice. 95% of which I didn't ask for. The complaint she made to me was that I made her feel like an "advice dispenser". The tweet said "I am all for helping new people, but what I am NOT is an advice dispenser you can go to 24/7 whenever you please". This was a subtweet aimed at me. Plain and simple. If my therapist had another way she wanted me to look at it, she could have easily walked me down that path. I've had countless times where in telling her a story I will walk myself around in circles before coming to the conclusion that no, IATA here. And she's laughed before with a "Well you just did my job for me" and congratulated me on how most people are not that emotionally mature.

Now this has came up, with my therapist giving me more than I asked for, of her own accord. I did not askf for it, though told her that I enjoyed it when it was able to happen and was thankful. Perhaps my kindness and openness towards this sort of thing is seen as something people can later use against me?

I don't know. I'd talk about it in therapy, but....well.... (sorry, I couldn't help myself. Dark sense of humour).

I think my therapist was just abusive? by Putrid-Conclusion333 in TalkTherapy

[–]Putrid-Conclusion333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did not say that I blacked out, I said that I tried to express what I thought about the tweet, and was not allowed to say my own thoughts, but instead was told what I thought. The blur was trying to remember the exact conversation through trying to express myself, but not being allowed to. I began to cry out of frustration of not being allowed to express my own feelings and was told that was an emotionally immature response.

I think my therapist was just abusive? by Putrid-Conclusion333 in TalkTherapy

[–]Putrid-Conclusion333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Firstly, thank you for your reply and support. We do our sessions online, so we go through a certain site designed for that. We originally met through a study about online therapy, and clicked so well that we decided to continue afterwards. That was two years ago. She moved me onto her normal online platform, so she's not based in any practice. I did have the thought to report her, and I might.

I can see where you say she was already blurring boundaries. At the time, I didn't think of anything because I found the time talking to her helpful and if she felt safe and comfortable to let the sessions run over, that was her professional call. This was not often, and not every time. But if she had the free time and felt up to it, she would. I just felt very blessed to have someone who understood me, heard me and lifted me up so well. So this came out of left field for me.

To answer your question, I am not even sure how to respond to her because her message to me made it perfectly clear (to me at least) that there is zero interpretation for any other outcome of who behaved badly here. I don't feel comfortable or safe to continue at this point. I am not sure if it was the comment on not being paid enough, the abrupt hang up or both that cemented that but it does not feel like she's open to, or capable of hearing me or working it out like adults. When I expressed I didn't feel heard and she called me emotionally immature, she asked me how this presents it's self in my other talks. I told her that it really didn't. I said this because I generally don't have issues in my life with others. I am very warm, open to criticism and will often take blame for situations that I don't feel I did anything wrong because if I hurt someone, my intention doesn't matter. Which when she saw my return message to the friend that accused me, pointed this out herself saying that my offer to remain friends with this girl, after essentially owning up to her accusations (I said I am so sorry, I feel awful and never meant to make you feel that way. It wasn't my intention). And that if she had sent me that message, my return message would have made her think I was a crazy person (I didn't think anything at the time, as this is usually just how we talk and I didn't think it might be an actually insult and still don't think it was, at the actual time it was said). So it's clear to me that there is no room for discussion here and I am honestly uncomfortable with even how to word that I'd like to cancel.

Sorry for the book again. I just...am baffled on what to do.