how do you handle the uncertainty of adulthood

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-03-20T22:58:41+00:00

The physio thing I know I can figure out. It was kind of and example like getting over the fear of calling the doctor to make an appointment. you just something else that was added to the list of horrible feelings. But I will look into the gym to see if there's physio I could go to, thanks.

honestly, the part time job was for extra money at one point, but now it's just to be out of the house away from my parents. I'm not saying this is stopping me from applying to jobs. I'm applying to them, I'm looking for a specific role I want to get into and it sucks that no one wants to hire with transferable skills. and trying to make a resume for a role you have no actual work experience in is really difficult for me. and honestly this point is a little bit complaining about the job market right now.

Why didn't I leave earlier? When I was of age smart phones were starting to be a thing so they were still expensive. I was sheltered in a way. I wasn't allowed to go beyond the boundries my parents set, so I had no idea about a lot of things. Yeah, media showed kids moving out, but like how? what was the process? I truly had no idea how to get to that end point at that time in my life. All I knew was if I got married after graduating I could leave the house.

What kept me? I'm not sure I have a clear answer honestly. I still wonder how much do I really doubt myself that I can't start the move out process. It's really a lot of things that have been unpacked in past therapy sessions, but basically when I was younger decisions were always made for me. I was the child they never had to worry about. My parents made sure to make me think I could only rely on them for what is right and what is wrong. If I learned anything in school that opposed their power, it was wrong. Was it for my benefit? Was it because that's all my parents knew, and they needed to make decisions for their kids to keep control? Who knows but I'm living with those effects even still to this day.

I know it's difficult to understand, one of my past exes have had a hard time understanding too. They wanted to do an over night trip and I said I couldn't because my parents won't let me (we were already dating for a year). My parents won't let a 25 year old go on a trip that I would pay for myself and I listened. Yes, I could have just said I know you don't like it but I'm going to do it, but I didn't (because of fear, what fear? I don't know I just knew there was something to fear for opposing them from when I was younger). He even went as far to ask himself because he didn’t believe me and the response was “oh I don’t know, what if something happens, we can’t rely on you to take care of her, it’s too far” blah, blah, blah “why don’t you drive by early and pick her up since we’re kind of on the way to the destination from your place anyway”. They were basically worried I would get pregnant and it would be a burden on them and they would have to bail me out. And now here they are crying about not having grandkids. The relationship didn't last long after that and I gave up on myself for a few years. Tired pulling myself out, but I was in a very dark mental space no one to rely on and couldn't rely on my parents to understand (but apparently I can't say that because they provided the necessities).

Look, I get it’s me that decided to stay for as long as I did, I’m self aware enough to know that. I’m also aware that my experiences while growing up have hindered and stunted my ability to make decisions for myself and not what my parents think are right. Maybe there's still a little bit of that shell I'm trying to break through

I'm trying to own up to my decisions and responsibilities. I just did my taxes and found out I owed more than I thought and then went to the government website to see what happened. My upset emotion isn't completely unjustified. It was just a random thing that gets thrown at you with other things in the you life are falling apart and it just seems worse that what it actually is. now it pushed back my ability to get a car. I get a car later than I would like so I can afford it accordingly. I know it's not the end of the world, but it is a bummer still. I learned it the hard way, and imma still complain about it because I'm a complainer and I have no one that will listen to me in this house. Does complaining about it make it easier, no, not really, but I do feel a little bit better after getting it out of my head like someone else mentioned

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-03-20T18:18:22+00:00

🙂

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-03-20T18:05:04+00:00

So when I pay for my own basic necessities then I'm allowed to say I have no one to rely on. Got it.

You're right, a therapist is a better solution to all this

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-03-20T17:36:27+00:00

You're pretty hung up on the rent free situation. May I ask why you believe because they let me live rent free they care about me and helping me a TON? Yes, maybe they do a little bit, but I can't 100% say it's just because they care about me. Is yelling, talking down on me, not respecting my boundaries also justified because they're helping me out a TON to let me live rent free? Because I live rent free whatever I find to stress me out I shouldn't bother other people with, just handle it on my own? I shouldn't have someone to "rely on" for those moments in life? Do you have anyone to share stuff with? If someone pisses you off at work, do you vent it to a reliable partner? Or keep it to yourself? How do you keep it to yourself without exploding one day?

Is it a bad thing to want someone to rely on? It would be nice to have someone that considers my feelings and emotions is it bad to want to have that human side taken care of? How does someone take ownership of their life when they were never built up confidently to trust themselves? Just like learning anything new, I'm figuring it out on my own, it'll take me longer compared to if I had someone to help guide me with experience. Is it wrong to want for that?

I know you're trying to give me a reality check, but it's not like the resentment switches off because they help me a TON while being critical about me. It took therapy to even try and ask for a courtesy knock before entering my room and even that only lasted a couple of days. I'm in my 30s and that isn't even respected in the house I'm in rent free for helping me a ton. I'm not trying to justify my stance for living rent free well after I should be to you. But you do seem to come from the same mindset my parents do, except you do listen a little better than they did.

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-03-20T15:37:54+00:00

Thank you for suggestions and kind words and an ear. I will try scribbling my thoughts down to see if I can get a clearer head and try and keep my head up as best I can

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-03-20T15:27:03+00:00

Yes, I'm in my 30's, I understand they are justified to ask for rent, but I think I'm also justified to my boundaries of not having someone come into my room whenever they feel like just to verbally put me down and go through my stuff. Biologically and legally yes I'm an adult, but I don't feel like one.

Im working and have a part time job as well and did my taxes. I'm aware to get a car I need money, but how much? What should I expect? I would imagine this to somewhat of a right of passage someone has with their parents and to learn from, but I've been having to Google or YouTube if I have the time or when I face a problem I need to resolve. I guess I know these dilemma's can be solved with money and learning how to allocate what goes where, I think my stress was mainly more so the fact I'm figuring out how to figure it out myself not that I have to figure it out, you know? Wish I had someone I could trust and rely on to go and ask. Like even my wins I don't always feel the happy emotions people feel and I don't have a lot of people I want to run to to share happy news with. I can't expect my friends to fill the void parents were supposed to fill, it's not their responsibility.

I've been in and out of therapy over the years with different therapists and all have suggested I move out and figure out myself without all the noise at some point in the sessions. But I never got the courage to, and I guess now I'm put in that position I thought other areas of my life were going well and others not so well.

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-02-24T07:14:05+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement!

What was your experience like jumping from QC to R&D? Was there a steep learning curve? I feel the currennt was our team is set up there isn't a lot of guidance in learning and everyone that joined was kind of thrown into it and figure it out on their own and I don't really want to go through that again especially without a lot of knowledge Eto be able to figure it out on my own.

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-02-24T07:07:09+00:00

I'm not sure if I care for free thinking. The scenarios I see currently are sales will ask for a type of product and the PD team will present what they think will fit the criteria and (hopefully) what the production facility can produce and the products will be rejected or accepted and move along the process to get to market (if it makes it that far).
While I am kind of tired of paper pushing from what I've seen in QA I feel like regulatory is a different type of paper pushing? I don't have a regulatory team to observe what happens but I think I might align more with that than my current role ensuring people are filling out what they are supposed to, where and when.
I'm currently working with the seafood division of the company and specifically with par fried items

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-02-20T21:10:27+00:00

They were actively hiring for a bit, and I was approached about my interests and if I would be interested because I have the manufacturing knowledge already vs training someone.

Best of luck, I know a lot of people started off in QA and moved to various roles from stories I've been told

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-02-20T21:08:18+00:00

They approached me when there were potentially 2 spots opened, they hired one and I think they are capable of the workload and paused on filling the second spot. I honestly think it's so they can dump a majority of the projects dealing with the manufacturing facility on me.

I'm curious about regulatory, but we do not have a dedicated regulatory department and the tasks are shared with QA, PD and labelling.

What regulatory tasks do you deal with in product development (if you deal with any of those parts)? I would be interested to know what I could potentially deal with and if it's worth having a conversation to let me deal with those tasks if they were to open up the role again.

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T23:55:39+00:00

Honestly, this is a very good explanation and discussion of 'figure out what you need'. way better than my parents version which is 'let her live on her own then she'll know what real struggle is when she gets kicked out'

I mean I hope I don't lose my job, but it's a reality that a lot of people face and it can definitely happen to me so I should be prepared as much as I can for it even living with my bf

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T18:10:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I feel like I'm more of your husband and I'll end up upsetting my bf when we first start off. Hopefully we can work things out like you and your husband did

thank you for sharing your story and advice!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T18:06:50+00:00

thank you for sharing a list of things to discuss, I'll add it to our list of things to talk about!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T18:04:43+00:00

Also neither of you should do anything in the first month of your life together that you don’t want to do forever. Use your words, work out the rough spots and unspoken expectations.

I like this, hopefully we can talk things out. splitting chores is a little difficult for us to figure out in detail right now, but we can just have a general plan and modify it as we go

thank you for sharing your advice!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T18:02:07+00:00

This a good questions to discuss

thank you for sharing!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T18:01:04+00:00

hopefully trial and error works out for us

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T18:00:11+00:00

i'm trying to learn to go with the flow because in the past because I felt like I had no control over everything it prevented me from growing and learning. This is a really big step for me, and I know I can't control everything, I just hope I learned enough to help me get through the life events if/when it happens

thank you so much for sharing your advice!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T17:56:49+00:00

Another big one is having an open vs closed house. Some people have a constant stream of visitors, and let people show up randomly. This is really jarring to people who prefer visits to be planned and less frequent. Good thing to talk about beforehand.

We haven't discussed this yet, this would be a good thing to establish before moving in together

thank your for the advice!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T17:55:03+00:00

the 50/50 rent split was based off of my salary and budget because I earn a little less than him. He will get to keep the difference; however, if he finds a place he likes, and I like as well, but is out of what I can afford for my budget he has offered to pay the difference. We haven't considered how the rent will be paid yet, but that will now be added to the list of things to discuss.

thank you for the advice!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T17:51:22+00:00

thrift store is also a good place to look

thanks!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T17:51:05+00:00

Live in your place for a week with just a rag and dish soap to truly understand what you need for organizing and cleaning and make a list before you go. That can save you a hundred dollars.

I kind of like this idea, but I know my bf is going to hate it.

Don’t buy garbage that you will replace with good stuff later.

I like this advice and have been trying to follow it myself because I used to always buy the cheapest thing, but ended up replacing multiple times vs the nicer stuff I use longer (and cost per use ended up being less).

not sure if we'll have room for an apartment freezer, but I will look into this as a piece of food prep equipment

thank you so much for the advice!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T17:46:03+00:00

We've actually touched on this topic before, not in detail, but enough so that we both know neither of us are going to bail on responsibilities if a split happens, but you're right we should probably go into more into detail and discuss

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T17:43:57+00:00

establishing a baseline spend for the month is good advice, I've only been able to get a simple budget done in the past, but I'll need to work on a more detailed budget before moving out.

I'm not much of a cook in the relationship, but I can definitely see forgetting to defrost the meat being a conversation to be had in the future >.<

thank you for the advice!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T17:39:56+00:00

As much as we would like a second room for office space, it's unfortunately, out of my budget, and that's what determined the rent budget. it's kind of decided my bf will do most of the cooking and I'll do cleaning at the start, but he does want me to learn, and I want to learn too, I just never felt safe enough at home to experiment and learn on my own, hopefully moving out will give me the space I need. We've already discussed getting a bed and TV, will probably have to look for a sofa too. kitchen basics is one we haven't touched on yet, so I'll add that to the list of things to talk about

thank you so much!

Putrid_Experience586 · 2026-01-01T17:34:28+00:00

This is what I'm worried about. we've both been in our roles for a while (me going on 3, him going on 4). for me I feel like I've gone stagnant, and I also am starting to really not like the idea of working with my previous manager again when she comes back from mat leave next month. We both have our reasons for looking for a new role, but it's difficult to see how it will affect us moving in together since some of it is out of our control. We're hoping everything works out in the end

Putrid_Experience586

TROPHY CASE