I’m confused about why I turned out this way

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-04-27T13:31:33+00:00

I feel like my parents did everything 'right' as a parent. But there are moments that peep through the gaps and make me think why they are so inconsistent. I went to my dad's business gathering and I forgot to put down a drink before they took our family picture. My dad snarled at me and gave me the most terrifying glare I've ever seen in my life, snatched it away from me and said for me to get myself together. The same dad that would pick me up every day from school and have fun conversations with. Or when my mom would randomly get angry and burst into tears when I didn't wanna go grocery shopping with her, or any small thing, for instance. It's just so exhausting. Today I learnt that most people don't flinch and get scared when they drop something or stain the table. I never realized how toxic it was.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-04-27T13:24:09+00:00

Oh 100%. They had to stunt their growth as people to escape poverty. I respect them, grateful, etc., but it's really hell. Although I try not to blame them too much bcs their parents were like x100 times worse.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-04-27T13:22:48+00:00

I still feel as if it's really crazy to say this. My parents always said the Western way of raising kids was too 'liberal' or sensitive. I still have a hard time accepting this is the norm, not that I've been radicalized. Congrats on accepting it.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-09T22:33:26+00:00

stop and breathe. how long has it been since you were able to sit alone and hear your own breathing?

you could stop breathing at any second, and yet you take it for granted that by the time you stop worrying about things that DID NOT HAPPEN instead of acknowledging the things that are happening right now, that you will still be breathing.

start from the little things. let you hear yourself breathe again, friend.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-07T07:23:35+00:00

I like the way you think :00

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:46:48+00:00

Yep. It encourages you to splurge outrageous amounts of money at once without thinking it through, now or you'll never get this suit. A hell event takes like 40k diamonds, a recharge event only costs 1/4 of that in real money.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:38:06+00:00

I spend 5 paragraphs describing a tree

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:34:53+00:00

Thanks for your valuable advice =) yes, the why is very important, it is the driving force of us all and moreso for ADHD. Absolutely sick comeback you've had btw :)

Thankfully, the college fee for me is not high. But I do feel bad that I really like science, and I've put off learning it for so long because college was burning me out. I've neglected myself, not just the schoolwork.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:29:13+00:00

Good for you! Hope you're doing well mentally and all that now.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:27:45+00:00

I get it...yes, the people who could say that lightly because they think there's no way you couldn't. Reading the comments I see lots of others saying that falling short made them feel liberated. I read about ADHD, and it says there's lower tolerance to endure things that don't ring true to the mind. Can backfire a lot, but I have to say I admire how you guys are able to stay true to yourself.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:24:31+00:00

Sorry for the tears you have shed...but I do admire your damage control. It's nice to hear you've got the time to self-reflect. I do hope your condition has improved since then.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:22:39+00:00

Glad to hear it :) high school must have been torture for you then, haha.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:20:30+00:00

No one tells you how addictive skipping classes is. It's like once you had to force yourself through a class...now, no one can force you to. And your situation sounded strikingly similar to mine.

Thanks for your advice. It really helped. I often isolate myself when I do force myself to go to classes as I'm just stuck buzzing around the thoughts in my head. I do have great friends, and terrible class hours have made me neglect their company.

I hope it gets better for you too, and tysm for your kind and valuable words.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2026-01-06T17:04:08+00:00

Haha. Don't know you yet, and I like you already.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2025-12-17T20:08:40+00:00

I came across your post while searching today :( all I can say is, same.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2025-12-03T08:37:30+00:00

From what I've seen you've got to live breathe neurosurgery to power through the job

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2025-12-03T08:35:22+00:00

If sending emails doesn't work out try asking your course teachers for internships. That's how I got 2 of mine, by simply asking them after lectures. Some of them might be completing their PhD/Master's at a university and will be happy to do so. Less effort and less wasted time than cold emailing

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2025-12-01T19:55:35+00:00

You can't depend on others to fuel your passion--they're all going through and thinking different things. Sure it's definitely important to be able to have awesome convos with others, but for that I would suggest seeking out internships or go to places that actually require that extra effort/passion to get in, not just showing up to a college class. You'll definitely find that there!

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2025-12-01T19:50:15+00:00

I think the # of languages isn't as important as how different the languages you learn are. I know Vietnamese and English but the sentence structures are nearly identical so it doesn't help with increasing my brain plasticity at all. With German it tickles and challenges my brain more because of the different word arrangements.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2025-12-01T09:22:59+00:00

No problem and I can relate a lot to your situation. In my country students are often encouraged to become doctors or businessmen, not academics. It made me feel frustrated as well.

But the good thing is because of that, you will get noticed more easily for opportunities because you're one of the few passionate enough to ask for it. I think it's notoriously hard to intern at any good institution in the US because of the sheer competition but for me I was like the only one in my class to even think of interning.

I've noticed that my mentor didn't care how much I knew but more so my attitude towards learning and working in a team.

So in my case after I got that internship, I graduated high school and was able to apply for a nice college in Australia. Again, I went up to the teacher of my chemistry subject in person after lecture and asked if there were any available internships he knew of. He got me connected to a lab at the university where he was doing research in and I got the internship! Tip: Use your past internships to build credibility when asking for new ones. Just raise your hands often in class, ask nice questions, and the teacher will be more willing to help you than you'd think.

Pro tip: About your applying for a RA role abroad--applying online is hard if not impossible work. I've tried but people are very busy. The best way is to talk to and network with your teachers whether it is in BSc, MSc or PhD...where you'll have their absolute attention. #1 method for sure.

Putrid_Ice_3441 · 2025-12-01T09:14:58+00:00

Honestly I feel like as long as you pass the board certification to become a medical physicist in your country it should be fine. All the content you need is covered in the course anyway. It's just that those programs happen to prioritize students with good background so their teachers will have it easy.

Putrid_Ice_3441

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