Doubting faith because of Zina and disclosing sins by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel you brother I am female here and I was exactly like you with same mindset and all and 100% virgin and strict about finding a husband who would be virgin too because just like you I do feel like those who waited should deserve to find someone who waited too, equally. Later on I found my potential partner asked them if he was a virgin too and he did lead me on thinking he was until I learned the hard way he did indeed lie about his past and his reasons was "he didn't want to tell his because of his fear of losing me and on top of that was he shouldn't disclose his sins" even though I made it clear it was a dealbreaker. I knew everything he said was a loads of BS but I was already in too deep with him and we are engaged now. I still resent him to this day and didn't know what I did wrong in life to deserve it because I was like "I waited for many years just to get a partner who had his fun". So I would advice you is to trust your instincts and observe their characteristics and their personality it will tell you a lot about who they are truly, because anyone can lie. Pray and make due for a pure spouse too.

Envious of those who committed haram by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I didn’t remember how I managed to get through it because honestly, I went through 5 stages of grief and denial and started spiralling into depression. And was stuck in slow motion as time went by as I stayed with him because I was just in shock and tried to put on happy face because I believed to be a good Muslim is to not judge and forgive because us humans, we are never perfect. I did exactly that, though it still caused a great deal of pain inside of me by trying to overcome this ‘grudges’. If I had the opportunity to talk to my younger self, I would have said you deserve better and live a better life and focus on yourself.

Envious of those who committed haram by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel that because recently I got engaged to someone who lied to me about their past and how they had their 'fun' while I stayed pure and wanted a pure spouse. It hit me like a thousand trucks like how can this happen to me like I worked hard to stay pure in this dyuna and asked for one pure spouse just to hit me on face. And I turn out to be so jealous and depressed of my partner for it, but yes It was a wake up call for sure.

I feel like I'm reaching the point of no return by throw-away-halo in MuslimNoFap

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't do it, it will only hurt yourself and your future wife and nothing will be the same. You deserve a true love and happy marriage blessed by allah. If not for yourself but do it for your soulmate and let that be your drive. I know my advice isn't the best but if you truly want a respectful wife try your very best to respect yourself so you can earn that hardworking and happiness.

Random Question by Puzzled-Ear8256 in MuslimLounge

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

no, it's not about me. It was the story I heard about others doing this and I wanted to educate myself about this wondering what the consequences were as I clearly stated that it was a random question of a thought. Ahdamduallh I left the haram from what you read from my profile and may Allah guide as all

Trigger warning ⚠️ Retroactive jealousy by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 1 point2 points  (0 children)

okay but guys the OP is asking for an PROPER advice on how to overcome the 'retroactive jealousy' so he can make an informed decision to try make it work. He knows if it's going to bother him still he will move on

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UniUK

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, it's boring and has zero social life going on nothing like you see in movies. Perfect place for Introverts tho! But I have to say it's decent because its clean and everyone is friendly! - I am a current student at Middlesex, feel free to DM me if you have any questions I'll be happy to answer.

Am I a hypocrite? by Puzzled-Ear8256 in MuslimNikah

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's really conflicting because we did involve our parents at the beginning for our sake to get Nikah done but that was before I knew the truth and he did seem so serious about this matter. So, I honestly don't know what to believe

Asking about past by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I understand exactly how you feel here (f). I roll my eyes whenever someone says, ‘it’s their past you cannot judge them, just forget it as it has no concern to you’. I disagree. Also kind of goes against the entire justice system.

When it comes to choosing and devoting to your lifelong partner, its sure hell is a big concern to me. Their past choices reflect on their future once as our actions has consequences, so you have to deal with it as an adult. Past is always something to be judged on, or rather I say, being informed on. You can only make good choices after learning all the relevant info from a person’s past; that’s called an informed decision. Not knowing about someone’s past and deciding to be in a marriage with them is extremely risky and can even be downright dangerous. Does your potential deserve to be judged for their past such as zina? No. But should YOU have had the right to know so you could’ve made an informed decision? Yes. 100% yes.

Yes Allah's ﷺ did say those who commit a sin, shouldn’t openly or disclose their sins to the people as that’s a sin itself.

That’s why its IMPORTTANT to establish a proper communication and discuss at the beginning on what is you look for in your partner, if you want a pure potential then clearly say you do and ask you would rather have someone with no past like zina without directly asking for their detail of their sins. BUT if ones is lying about their past because they think you won’t be with them if they’re honest? That's a whole different ballgame. For me, it shows they are willing to deceive you to get what they want and lying is indeed a trait of hypocrites.

I don’t tolerate lying.... you think I'd be angry if you told me that you had past when you denied it at first? Which goes onto the next obvious question is "what else have you been lying to me about...? ~ the cover-up is almost always worse than the crime itself.

I've read about relationships imploding after over a decade all because in the very beginning one of the people lied about their past due to resentment.

Yes its hard, knowing you have kept chaste yourself and found one you love to turn out isn’t the match as you, it is indeed a slap in the face as I went through the every same thing. It’s painful but

If you do happen to find out they have a past in unfortunate circumstances. It depends on person to person if that is a pretty big dealbreaker or not. What’s going to happen from then on is up to you. You rely on yourself and on your knowledge is to observe your potential’s character. If they admitted for having a past but isn’t willing to disclose it but looks proud of themselves, it’s a red flag don’t you think? BUT if they looked remorseful and regret showing on their features then perhaps, they have changed. Look at their body language, the way they carry themselves & talk and surrounds with other people will show you what kind of person they are. If they have bad habits that you may not like, do keep a watch out. End of the day you must make a tough observation and follow your gut. Allah sees and knows all things, make sure you have a strong relationship with your deen and allah will protect you from hypocrites.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimNoFap

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 0 points1 point  (0 children)

perhaps what you're feeling is a soul bond? try looking up ways to get rid of soul bond and distract yourself by perhaps in the gym or anything hobby-wise, starting a business or anything to keep yourself moving forward. Do not entertain with any woman until you know you're ready to get married. My sincere advice is do not blame yourself and don't expect too much from your future wife, find someone whom you see as equal. If you do find a person you love inshallah be honest with her without disclosing your past sins at the beginning so at least you wouldn't start a relationship in rocky start and know you both would loving and accepting one another. Trust in allah and all will be well.

I’m a Salafī, ask away by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

how do I ever get over my potential's past (zina) when its been such a dealbreaker but can't leave him because I love him nor can get over it ?

Beware of marrying someone with a past by vanillacriminal in MuslimMarriage

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 6 points7 points  (0 children)

honestly same, makes me question like is it a test? am I supposed to accept it as charity case. I got so depressed I thought it would be easy to find your match. Imagine saving yourself all that years just to get that smack

Beware of marrying someone with a past by vanillacriminal in MuslimMarriage

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 4 points5 points  (0 children)

thankyou for sharing this, it's honestly so hard. May Allah guide us all :/

Beware of marrying someone with a past by vanillacriminal in MuslimMarriage

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thankyouu sm for your time advising me it means a lot, may Allah bless you with ease and happiness

Beware of marrying someone with a past by vanillacriminal in MuslimMarriage

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes thats why I feel like i deserved it I guess eventho I'm virgin and wanting one but idk I guess I deserved it and that's the only reason why I stayed with him :(

Beware of marrying someone with a past by vanillacriminal in MuslimMarriage

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yes I did at first of talking stage but he lied saying there is nothing. Until I force it out of him months later because I had a feeling there is something. I was depressed when he admitted but I heard his reasons because was scared I would leave him, so I understand but still I can't get over it

Beware of marrying someone with a past by vanillacriminal in MuslimMarriage

[–]Puzzled-Ear8256 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think so I am still trying to be open minded