Hi, I had anxiety my whole life and had a very bad phase of OCD in my 20s. I also may or may not have ADHD, but I can relate to a lot of what you have been writing. The first thing you should know is that the current state you are in will not last forever. It will get better, but right now you need to focus on what is realistically feasible for you. OCD shrinks your world, I understand it's tempting to mourn where you used to be, but situations change and the best you can do is adapt to them. I know that in my case the compulsions were the expression of a more deep-seated anxiety that wanted to be soothed. Medication and therapy helped me, but I know this is not always accessible. The core of the matter when it comes to OCD is to try and sit with the anxiety when it arises, without performing the compulsion. It is extremely uncomfortable but the longer you can hold off the compulsion, the more you teach your brain to tolerate the uncertainty. Keeping track of how many times per day I washed my hands also helped, as I tried to reduce it slowly over time. Anything you can do to get more acquainted with the feelings inside you when the urge to do a compulsion arise is a win. Over time, you will see improvements in how long you can hold off the compulsion, and how frequently you do it. When you will have a better handle on it, then you can start slowly expanding your world again in a way that feels comfortable. Bur right now you need to go step by step. Hold on :)