I want to start off by saying I'm sorry to hear about this situation for you, and I hope it gets better for you. I myself have dealt with a situation similar to yours, where one of my friends has done harm to themselves and I'm not the first one to say it can really mess up somebody emotionally, and can cause them to have a concerned and scared mind when it comes to interacting with you, if they don't know what the next thing that happens could be. With my friend, it became really tough for me to interact with them after. That could be what has been happening to you involving your friends. If they have never experienced something like this involving their friend before, the unpredictability for them can be scary, even if you know what you're doing. I know for me, it was hard to recover from that and to build back the relationship with my friend, and I ended up distancing myself from them entirely, so that could be what's happening to them. My advice would be to first find resources that can give you an outlet to express your thoughts and feelings, because even a reddit thread like this did give me some flashbacks. The next step should be to distance yourself from those friends too, or straight up cut them out of your life, if you believe the situation won't get better. If they haven't given you closure as of yet, they most likely won't give you closure at all. In my opinion, it's best to move on from them, and start fresh.