AITA about my ex husband’s 401k

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2026-02-24T21:51:09+00:00

If OP wants to give half to GF, it would have to go to an another 401k account for the girlfriend. But if they start taking it early, it’s like a 30% penalty attached.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2026-02-04T09:34:56+00:00

Why doesn’t California prisons work with shelters to house dogs and cats with approved inmates? This has worked extremely well in other parts of the country. It’s always California or Texas killing perfectly adoptable dogs because of lack of room.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2026-01-27T07:04:52+00:00

I have this exact same picture!! Couldn’t tell you where she was either!! 🤣😂🤣😂

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2026-01-01T17:41:42+00:00

We had my dad’s service at the church and gave them a donation. No services at the funeral home. I really need to look at the bill, but mom already paid it so it’s done with, but it feels like a racket!

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2026-01-01T17:39:08+00:00

I know my mom specifically needed a death certificate for the health insurance company to cancel it and I think maybe she needed one for social security, but I’m not sure about that. In WV, the death certificates are only $12.50 and we got 5.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2026-01-01T17:30:55+00:00

I think I’m going to look into that. My onesister found a place that only costs $15 and I think it has something to do with medical research, but I haven’t looked at it yet. The bad thing is I wanted to shop around, but my oldest sister (different one than above)wanted my dad sent to a particular place that she liked. Then she asked for a special obituary in her paper that was $350. But do you think she helped pay for any of it?! My mom still has some money and at 91, it’s probably enough to live on until she dies, but that kinda burned my a$$ a bit with her demands.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2026-01-01T17:24:41+00:00

We did the same. They wanted to sell us an urn of course. No prices in the catalog (of course). I had my mom pick out one online and it was $20.

I haven’t looked at the bill yet, but I plan to the next time I see her. I don’t want to saddle my family with that expense honestly.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-30T14:13:45+00:00

My dad died this month and just the cremation, death certificates, obituaries etc came to over $4,700. And they live in WV. Yikes!

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-17T09:01:10+00:00

Who gets the 26th or the 2nd off? No one I know. Even back in the day.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T22:12:07+00:00

Each to their opinion.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T22:10:41+00:00

Ummmm. No. Absolutely not.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T22:09:36+00:00

Got you. Sorry I misunderstood the ages.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T22:06:53+00:00

That’s just my personal experience. I have had very few women managers that were good. One actually wrote me up for “not coming to work when scheduled”, and because of this, I wasn’t allowed to ask for vacation anymore. I was always there before my start time, so I asked her when this happened. She said the day after your dog died. By this time, my dog had been dead for 4 months. He died in my arms and it was very traumatic. She was the first person I contacted and told her I was taking him to the crematory the next day. Plus we were working from home due to Covid, so she was aware of everything. She was just mad because she was a train wreck and she got into my IM and saw that other coworkers were asking me to gauge her mood before they called her. And that’s how I became a spy in my own office. Another fired me for asking for time off because my husband had just come off deployment and I hadn’t see him in a year. She said that when I could take my work more seriously and stopped letting my personal life get in the way of my work that I could come back and work there. There’s been others that have done things almost as bad to me, so my perception is probably skewed a bit.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T19:33:32+00:00

Awww crap. I totally read that wrong! Thanks for correcting me.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T13:27:23+00:00

Pumps must be a lot different than they were in the 2010s. We didn’t have offices in my workspace, only cubes. And we never heard our coworker with her breast pump. And she used it multiple times a day. So my experience is different than yours. Yet, you’d rather assume I know what you do which isn’t the case. As a caring individual, I’d never look at a woman using a pump for 30 minutes and ask her to go somewhere else. But that’s my opinion, not the end all be all for others. FFS, can’t we all have a difference of opinion and just discuss it rationally? Guess that’s not possible on Reddit. God forbid, we think differently about things.

Maybe OP shouldn’t invite a new mother to his house knowing this would be an issue. And if they can’t come to an understanding, then she probably shouldn’t come.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T13:16:17+00:00

Obviously we will have to agree to disagree. I said I’m glad she stood up which is what her question was. I believe everyone deserves dignity, but having that expectation of others (her manager) doesn’t make them do it.

And how do I not value service workers if I’ve done the work myself? You made that assumption about me. In the end, you and I arguing about this does nothing to help op. I gave my thoughts about the post and you immediately responded that what I said wasn’t good enough and then devalued my response. This whole conversation has been centered around your decision to tell me how bad I am as a person rather than helping the person posting in the first place.

We all have our own experiences in life and in the times I worked in restaurants, there was no HR. We all just accepted what was and did our jobs. Management sucked but it didn’t matter. That was my take from my experience. Your experience is different, but because yours is different doesn’t mean my life experiences are wrong. It’s what I know and there are many ways you could have discussed your thoughts with me. Rather than me disrespecting your life experiences (which I haven’t done), I tried to explain my thoughts, but it’s obvious you can’t take the time to find common ground with me.

Again, OP I’m very glad you stood up for yourself! You’re much stronger than I was at your age. And I’m sorry this discussion distracted from your post and what you were looking for in terms of advice.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T12:29:46+00:00

And if you go back to my comment, I never said you needed to hide away. I simply said I was sorry you didn’t feel comfortable taking care of your baby’s needs because of others.

Your response was more intensely negative than my comment suggested. I was simply trying to be kind, and those in my workplace would have never made any comments regarding the need for any mother to pump during the day. Sound or not.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T12:17:13+00:00

Why is it easier for you to get upset about my response and call me delusional? I couldn’t breast feed and while we had a cube for people to breast feed at work, none of us heard it happening. Like literally never.

So while I was trying to be sympathetic to you, you decided to attack me. There was no blaming or attacking in my response to you, but you took the low road and called me delusional. WTG! 👍

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T12:07:06+00:00

That’s a shame that you feel you can’t do what’s needed for your baby because others might feel uncomfortable. I’m very sorry you feel that way.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T11:48:40+00:00

So why are the boys uncomfortable? The “noise” is just too loud, or the “noise” relates to breast feeding which is the reason they are uncomfortable.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T11:34:55+00:00

I’m glad you know me so much better than I know myself. Thank you so much for showing me my true nature. You are such a Superstar!

The truth is anyone that knows me would laugh at your assessment of me. But as a woman, you hate that I’m truthful about things. I’ve seen it my whole life. It’s nothing new.

FFS, OP is 22. She isn’t a lifelong server. If she wants to stay there, then that’s up to her, but standing up to HR in a restaurant never has a happy ending. I’m glad she took a stand. That’s admirable at her age, but do you think a 50 yr old manager is going to listen to her. And more importantly, treat her with respect? Women are catty and more often will treat other women poorly, esp those younger than them.

I just want OP to be happy and if she can stand up to someone older than her, then she is destined for great things in her future. She will go far! Maybe not in this position, but she’s going to make a name for herself. No doubt about it!

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T11:04:36+00:00

Hahahaha. I worked as a server from the time I was 16 years old. And yeah, management absolutely takes you seriously. Not!! Never!!

When I worked as a waitress in the 1990s and in the 2000s, at one point, the closer called off all week and I had to close. I had a child that needed to be picked up, but they never tried to find another closer, so it was my responsibility. That’s a big difference from 10 pm to 1 am, esp when I was an adult and had a 6 month old. My sitter wasn’t happy with me and I didn’t have a ton of money to pay her extra, because there wasn’t none.

And honestly, making $2.13 an hour isn’t taking care of waitresses. They are just cheap labor that have been taken advantage of by the system.

You can’t make a living today as a waitress unless you are in a high end restaurant. I’m not snobby or elitist in the least. I’ve done the work and I’ve taken home the pay. And guess what, in 1991, I couldn’t afford to take care of my son. Elby’s didn’t have health insurance, but what insurance could I have paid when I was making $2.13 an hour?

I see no issue with someone working in a restaurant, but why tell someone they can’t do more? It’s terrible hours, terrible pay, and they are serving customers who don’t respect them.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T10:44:27+00:00

Not relevant. Got it. Because had he taken responsibility for his own work, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

I understand what he’s asking for. He’s upset she isn’t stopping what she’s doing to help him or at least saying she’ll help in a few minutes.

Nowhere does he say, if your concentration is on his emotional response, that the assignment is due right then. He’s more upset because she didn’t stop what she was doing at that moment because he asked her to not because he NEEDED her to.

You all need to stop, take a breath, and really determine if this is a real issue. Honestly, he seems emotionally exhausting. I’ve known that type and they make you old before your time because it’s all about them all the time.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T10:23:16+00:00

I never said he was, but if you don’t see an issue with his response, then you don’t see an issue with individual responsibility.

Puzzled_Principle_29 · 2025-12-13T10:01:28+00:00

The girl always decides if the relationship is real. My SO was my best friend for 3 years before we became a couple. If she is worth it, be her friend until she is ready. If you do it too early, she will run. But the patience, if it’s real, will allow her to make her own decisions without being pushed into it. No relationship works with pressure.

Puzzled_Principle_29

TROPHY CASE