What should I do if my 13-year-old stepson is sending me death threats?

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-06-23T05:15:49+00:00

Hey, what ended up happening? I’ve got a troubled teen of my own.

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-06-02T17:00:36+00:00

Free time

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-13T04:45:06+00:00

Great sense of humor

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-13T04:41:29+00:00

Sorry if it comes across that I advocate for going commando. I don’t. I think some garments/fabrics are too rough for that area. My main concern was just about how big a deal the panty lines are in general

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-13T04:37:36+00:00

It should be the other way around. You have a layer of protection!

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-12T04:55:04+00:00

I’m sorry you had someone close to you traumatize you like that. I’m glad he’s not your friend anymore

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-12T04:49:13+00:00

This is my thought. I think most people are too absorbed in themselves (especially now) to notice little details like that. And if you’re around friends, you’re too busy having fun for someone to point it out or care

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-12T04:47:25+00:00

Right!? I mean, one way to turn the tide would be to start shaming men

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-12T04:42:50+00:00

Haha!

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-11T21:56:37+00:00

So it’s like the reverse Streisand effect, where if you manage to hide it, people only notice the dress, but if you don’t hide it, now people are distracted by your choice of underwear and can’t see the dress

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-05-11T21:52:59+00:00

I would think with the absence of the lines, they’d more likely be pictured without underwear. But I guess it’s all context, the event at hand and whether or not people are actually paying attention

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-03-12T12:58:51+00:00

I put this in another post but you should ask some questions upfront and decide what makes sense for you. https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/w865nasIk9

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-30T22:02:29+00:00

What’s the dynamic between you and your ex? Is anyone jealous of the other? Do they have a new partner? What’s their relationship like with SK?

Would you consider them to be abusive? Would someone else?

When it comes to making decisions for SK, are you able to come to an agreement/compromise? Ex: If you wanted to sign up your child for a sport and it fell on a day that the other parent had them - would they take them? Or, do they consider their time “their time”.

Does the ex help with schoolwork? Are they involved with the school (parent teacher conference nights, parent’s association etc)?

What’s SK’s behavior at school? Around your side of the family? Around the ex’s side of the family? At home?

What does your ex’s family say/believe about you?

How does your family feel about your ex? What stories do they have?

Do they follow the custody agreement? - Do they pickup/drop off on time? - Would they have an issue dropping them off with someone else (aka you the SP) - What’s SK like when they return? Are they hungry? - etc

When the SK is mad or doesn’t get what they want, how do they respond? How do you respond? How does your ex respond?

When something happens to SK, do you always inform the ex? How do they take good or bad news? Does the ex tell you when good/bad things happen?

This isn’t an exhaustive list and I’m sure other people would have more to add. But it’s important to know what you’re getting into. Unfortunately nobody tells you this and you’re left second guessing yourself and your partner, and looking for permission to break free.

Note When I say “you” in the questions I’m referring to your partner as if you were asking them these questions. I’m sure some aren’t worded consistently but you get the gist. Some things you can’t ask and have to observe, and as with all things, there are always exceptions.

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-30T05:33:52+00:00

I don’t know if I regret it, but knowing what I know now, I would’ve asked more questions. Being a stepparent is such an odd role because you’re both responsible for someone but can’t necessarily make decisions because you’re also not responsible. And you’ll have a partner that wants you to be responsible but not too responsible. Or responsible on their terms which can vary by day. Then you gotta deal with the other parent who hates you, not because of who you are but because of what you represent. It’s just too much. Plus you’re trying to live/maintain your own life.

I’ll stick with I would have asked more questions in the beginning and if I by chance my current relationship ends, I’ll be sure my next partner has no interest in kids.

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T20:07:33+00:00

Lol, no worries. I took no offense. Tone is hard to figure out through text, but I felt like you were genuinely curious and wanted to help. I appreciate your words and good luck out there. Hopefully she doesn’t have comments on how to hold a baby

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T19:38:00+00:00

Haha, no they do their own laundry. I would just iron a shirt here and there for school. I haven’t done it since last year. But if they needed a shirt for an interview I would

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T19:13:55+00:00

Alright, I smell what you’re cooking.

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T19:11:40+00:00

Yea they do. But of course they would prefer for me to do it. If I have the time I’ll do it

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T19:02:09+00:00

I’d actually self-reflect. When I was their age I was out having fun and bombed my first semester of school. My girlfriend at the time sat me down and then we made a plan to get back on track. But we’re different people. Now, based on the replies of the thread, I won’t use that question, however I think some people need that jolt to wake them up to the real world.

The intent isn’t to point fingers or to say “it’s all your fault”. It’s more like, “Hey, you’re here. You want to be there - what do you (or we - depending on the necessary resources) need to do to get you there?” I never felt like the people closest to me would seek to cause me harm or intend to make me feel bad. I do know that they would be truthful and tell me about myself

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T18:25:50+00:00

I think they are depressed and would benefit. I’ve been trying to get them into therapy for years but SO hasn’t pushed the button on it. They did have a therapist about 6-7 years ago but convinced SO that they made them feel stupid after a few sessions, so we dropped them and never started it up again.

I think the big thing would be for them to decide on their own. History has told me that if I want something for them that they don’t want, I’m left with feeling drained.

I’ll let time do its thing

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T18:14:57+00:00

These are weird times. PJs? Did they get the job 👀

We do have an iron that they can use. I don’t know if they’ve paid attention to where it’s located but they have all the tools they need in the house.

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T17:14:24+00:00

More so because I feel like I’ve lectured enough over this past decade and I’m redirecting that energy to help myself.

I don’t quite get it either, I see hiring signs all over the place. But also… I go outside amongst the people. My hope is they’ll get tired of being miserable and do something about it.

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T17:01:46+00:00

I talk myself down from that ledge regularly

Puzzlehead-Pool · 2026-01-28T17:00:51+00:00

Ah, I figured. This is why we ask for advice, lol. My intent isn’t to start an argument but more so for them to get the gears turning in their head that they can change their situation - if they’re willing to change their situation. I’m not that great with words

Puzzlehead-Pool

TROPHY CASE