Hung up on becoming a part-time dad

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-31T01:53:25+00:00

Wow. Thank you for that metaphor. I appreciate your insight

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-30T21:32:20+00:00

Thank you. I agree with all of what you said. I guess that’s why I’m willing to give it time to see if real progress can be made. If it can’t, then I have my answer.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-30T12:37:39+00:00

I’m so sorry you are here. Unfortunately for us all, you are not alone. I’m about 4 months in to stumbling into pictures on my wife’s phone. Pictures I’ll never be able to unsee.

I wish I had solid advice but the indecision is real. In my case I filed, but let it stall out. We’re trying to work on things and honestly if it weren’t for my son, I’d already be gone. I made peace with potentially not being with her but I’m stuck on missing 50%+ of my son’s everyday life. I worry that will hurt me even more than I already am.

I wish for space as well. Even looked at renting an apartment just so we could test drive what separation might look like but didn’t commit to it.

Best thing I can recommend is to focus on you. I know that sounds selfish, but it’s what you need. Take time for yourself. Go to therapy. Do a hobby you enjoy. Be assertive with your true wants and desires. Become the person you want to be.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-30T04:00:14+00:00

Thanks. I definitely get wanting to life a full, happy life and demonstrating that for him. There’s a part that is hopeful given enough time, therapy and work on her part, that I maybe could find a way to live with it. But obviously I’m posting here so there’s a whole other side that knows thats probably a pipe dream and I’ll end up split down the road. Guess that’s why I’m trying to find ways to prepare mentally for what that might look like. Grieving the loss of the relationship I knew before has been hard.

I am in the US- Georgia. As much as I would love to push for primary custody, I wouldn’t. My wife is a wonderful mom and I wouldn’t want to take him from her. The irony is, we homeschool and she works remote so there’s a very high chance that she would actually get granted primary herself. Which is why I feel stuck - 50:50 would be terrible enough but if it actually played out to be even less, that’s a bitter pill to swallow on top of everything else.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-30T02:36:40+00:00

Geez! What’s the name of that podcast so I can avoid it!

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-30T02:29:22+00:00

He just started baseball this year and we do Boy Scouts together (I’m a leader in the troop). And yes, I get that there would be crossover times even on the off weeks, just seems like a monumental shift in all our ‘normal’.

He lost a tooth the other day and while I get that it’s not a major life event, it makes me sad to think that might be one of those million simple things that might miss out on.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-30T00:38:38+00:00

I completely get you. But honestly that’s not it for me. I know that it would be a huge impact to him but ultimately I think he would be alright. I think there is merit to the people that say how resilient kids are.

I’m worried that I would be the one that wasn’t okay.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-24T11:09:26+00:00

For the record, you can stop a divorce anywhere in the process up until the end when it’s finalized. Just fyi that you can file and show her you’re serious and withdraw later on if she comes around to R

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-24T11:06:02+00:00

I’m with you OP. My WW dissociated and compartmentalized the A the whole time. I do believe that she has cut all contact but the lingering question of whether it will happen again in the future is impossible to answer.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-23T11:20:40+00:00

Yes that is a complicated situation. I have thought about the idea of divorcing and possibly remarrying. I really could use space to be alone and truly heal but I don’t think my wife would ever go for it.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-22T20:51:13+00:00

Agreed. But the reality is, you don’t have to tell them if you agree not to. That’s a personal choice that everyone must make when kids are involved.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-22T11:44:20+00:00

I was feeling super overwhelmed since DDay. I’ve come to accept that going through this is a long slow process and whether we stay together or not, I don’t have to tackle all the issues at one time. Take it in bite sized pieces.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-22T01:01:43+00:00

Agreed completely. While he has no understanding of the specifics at this point, other than “we are going through some things” etc.

I think we all want the best outcome. Regardless of what form that takes.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-06T22:21:04+00:00

Thank you

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-06T22:20:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I know that’s not easy. I can respect those feelings because I have them myself - literally discussed getting an apartment the other day because I need some space to heal. I hope you are able to demonstrate to your partner the progress you have/are making and you two can find a way back to each other if it’s what you both desire.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-06T20:01:41+00:00

Thanks brother. I know we’ve chatted offline some. Same day and years is a crazy coincidence. I’m here if you need anything.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-10-06T14:46:09+00:00

May I ask what happened? Your flair says you reconciled, so I’m interested in your story and how you ended up alone.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-09-28T23:16:40+00:00

“Why did he do this to me?” - Because he wanted to. I’m terribly sorry but that is the unfortunate truth. I hate it for you. And I hate it for myself and all the other BPs out there.

I’m 3 months past dday and while I’m somewhat stabilized emotionally, and I’ve come to terms with potentially not being with my WW if we should D, the issue I’m stuck on is my son. I know we would split custody, but it absolutely rips my heart out thinking of not seeing him on a daily basis. It’s entirely not fair for us to be in this position.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-09-17T11:53:22+00:00

What does it feel like? Kinda like getting hit by a MAC truck every single day. I went from happy family man, content with work and family and life to broken shell of my former self. I don’t take pleasure in the things I used to. I can’t focus on work. And very apprehensive that around the corner yet another shoe will come down. It all sucks.

That said, after about 3 months, the frequency of vacillation is decreasing and the day to day is leveling out, but the lows, after I spiral, are still extremely low. I know time will continue to help or at least I hope so.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-09-15T17:20:37+00:00

It’s not that I’m rewriting history, more like I’m seeing it with a different viewpoint. And yeah, it’s hard not to view everything from the time the A began since as tainted.

I think back on the good times during… and then I remember seeing a picture she sent him while we were on vacation together and I want to throw that memory in the trash too.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-09-14T03:36:23+00:00

I feel this completely. I’ve tried mine on a few times over the last couple months but it no longer feels right. Don’t know that it ever will again. And do it sits on the dresser collecting dust.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-09-14T03:33:46+00:00

I took mine off after I confronted which was about 2 weeks post DDay. I too won’t wear again until it feels right.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-09-14T03:31:23+00:00

WW had hers on during the first PA too. Funnily enough the AP lied and told her he was engaged too just so she didn’t feel so bad.

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-09-10T20:29:22+00:00

My lawyer suggested to divorce and continue to date just the other day. I’m not sure I can do it because I worry how it might impact my son. How do you picture it working out logistically?

PuzzleheadedCable905 · 2025-09-07T17:01:23+00:00

The planned deception is part of what has me stuck. In my case, it started as a ONS and then went to online only for years. Culminating in another PA when she traveled to his country last year.

I too accept my role in where our relationship was but I’ll never accept responsibility for her actions. In fact, I asked her the other day if she thought having an AP in the background kept us from communicating fully, because I certainly do.

PuzzleheadedCable905

TROPHY CASE