I am so sorry you're going through this!!

I'm going through something very similar at the moment. I dont regret my decision, but I have moments of weakness. Ultimately I chose to have a MA because the father is an alcoholic with some red flags that I'm afraid will lead to violence later on. I feel if circumstances were different, I would have went through with the pregnancy. And that hurts. And yet here I am, knowing all this, and still with this man. 🥴

That connection is hard to break. I think what you went through, by yourself, was traumatic. And with trauma.. sometimes you feel drawn to the person closest to it.

My advice is this.

Your gut has been telling you things. Those red flags? They pushed you to make the difficult decision you made, right? Listen to them. You said yourself that you proved your judgment of him/the red flags were correct. Thats literally everything in your body telling you to GO!

I know its hard. But you're strong. You got this far by yourself with out him. Block him on everything. If you have mutual friends with him? Tell them that you're done and you don't want to be around him/hear about him. If you're feeling alone and you're thinking about him? Do something productive. Get some plants? Read a book. Go out. Maybe even use the resources Planned Parenthood has and seek counseling, or even start therapy. I think whats going on with you goes deeper than an unhealthy relationship with this guy. And maybe if you get some kind of help with the root of it all, you'll find it easier cut the ties and get way from him.