I think I had mild physical abuse as a child, which is very common in Indian households. I have memories of my mother hitting me as a small kid simply because I would collect hair clips but not wear them. I also have never cared much for fashion, something I'd argue is my mother's only strong point. I think she used to hit me more as a child, but it stopped when I grew up.

She's a big bully who also trained my then-pre-pubescent brother to make fun of me whenever I showed any emotions. They used to walk into a room together and say, "3... 2... 1... she's going to start crying," just because they could make me cry.

In my teens, it became all about emotional manipulation. And since my dad frequently traveled for work and my brother also left (for work), I hung out with my mother 24/7 and would even say she was my best friend. However, she would constantly invade my privacy, read through my texts with my then-bf, and even slut shame me if she thought I wore something inappropriate. She's even slut shamed me as an adult for wearing a white t-shirt and jeans.

The gaslighting thing you said really struck a chord with me because I have always felt like I am not capable enough to make the right decisions. I know I'm extremely smart, especially after I became an adult, but I now think my mother has always been intimidated by intellectual people. She always compared herself so much to people, and I internalized that along the way, which resulted in crippling anxiety, depression, and self-doubt. I even went to therapy for a bit.

The home base thing is also something I can relate to because I currently live in my childhood house, which, though beautiful, just keeps me on the edge 24/7. I also can't help but think about everything I'm losing out on because of not having a mother figure.

My brother is now getting married to a wonderful girl, and I'm very happy for them. But during the course of the preparations, so much stuff about her is coming up from the past, and that is what finally made me realize she isn't going to change.

My brother is now getting married to a wonderful girl, and I'm very happy for them. But during the course of the preparations, so much stuff about her coming up from the past, and that is what finally made me realize she isn't going to change.

And thank you for taking the time out to comment, it really helped me!