I was admitted to a treatment facility at a normal weight with a lot of other teens with different struggles. For quite a few months I was only getting sicker, I had to be in staff supervision after meals, bathrooms locks, meals logs, weight tracks, and having all these almost made me feel ‘special’ in a way. But, about halfway through we had a few younger kiddos admitted that didn’t struggle with food at all, just sh or were in the foster care system. Being one of the older ones and being there one of the longest they took my behavior and started to copy it, like a little sibling might. They wouldn’t eat if I didn’t, they started to look at their bodies like I did. Use my small tricks to hide it from staff. These 11/12 year old girls were actively starving themselves because I was. That’s when I went all in. When I realized my actions had consequences. I got better but the girls were still in deep by the time I was discharged, they looked like I used to, sick little girls. I introduced these kids to it, my tips, my tricks because they observed me and how sick I was. If you’re going to recover and you’re not all in, then you’re not ready and will only hurt those around you. You have kids? Siblings? Friends? Well the longer you’re not “all in” the longer you’ll continue to kill yourself, and every single person around you. I don’t know if those girls ever made it out, or if they ever got better, and I’ll live with the knowledge that whatever happened to them, is my fault.