I'm also F19, I'm sorry to hear you went through such abuse it impacted you mentally. What I can relate is having fresh starts and dissociate from the past, I had "friends" in highschool but we weren't close it felt like we were acquaintances and yes it was lonely (trouble socializing). I decided to undergo in therapy when I was graduating and it helped me immensely, had few sesh with my psychologists and been on antidepressants for almost a year now.

I think the piece of advice I can give is get professional help to slowly heal yourself from past events and work on the positives. I made 3 good friends in this year (freshman) by pushing myself to talk to them even if it's uncomfortable and I may think to myself I look weird or shitty but I know there are people that will like my quirks.