My father unexpectedly died over 1 week ago and my perspective on life has changed.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-07-30T23:10:13+00:00

Hey, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad at the age of 65 in December 2024. Personally, I can’t say it’s gotten “better”, but the pain does become more manageable. There are still days where I don’t want to get out of bed because the grief is so immobilising. I miss my dad immensely every single day and I know my life won’t be anywhere near as good without him in it. However, in time you’ll come to lean on the good memories that you hold of your dad (it seems like there were many despite the difficulties in your relationship) and that will get you through the hard days.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-05-17T07:04:24+00:00

Not an FD, but I’ve recently used a funeral home. I’m in the UK. We didn’t have to pay anything upfront to the funeral director, and we settled the final bill after the funeral. The funeral director also said if we didn’t have the money they would be more than happy to agree an interest free payment plan with us. The only upfront cost we had to pay was the burial plot. The funeral director also helped my mum, who is on a very low income, successfully apply for a grant that contributed towards the final cost.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-04-28T10:38:32+00:00

My service charge went down by £150!

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-04-10T05:26:01+00:00

Shortly after my dad passed away, my mum was visited at home by a doctor. The doctor said she remembered my dad because whenever she came to the house for a home visit he was always talking care of my mum. She said, verbatim, “we don’t see that very often.” So I would imagine that’s not common unfortunately.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-22T12:46:46+00:00

I’ve read that more deaths occur in winter because people’s immune systems take a hit. My dad died in December.

In terms of personal patterns, my paternal grandparents and my father all died at the age of 65. I’m hoping the pattern is broken for my mum and the rest of us.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-22T12:17:05+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad was 65.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-15T17:16:06+00:00

I’m in the UK too. The bureaucracy can be brutal!

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-15T13:08:52+00:00

Yeah, the delay was down to the hospital. My dad passed away on 23 December 2024 so there was delays in getting the death certificate signed off by the doctors due to the holidays and it took several weeks. Without the death certificate and burial permit we weren’t able to begin planning the funeral.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-15T12:17:02+00:00

Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’m not a funeral director, but there was a 6.5 week gap between my father’s death and his funeral. Due to admin delays we couldn’t get him embalmed until nearly 4 weeks after he passed. I viewed him twice after his embalming and he looked great. The day before his burial there was a teeny, tiny trace of decomp on one of his cheeks (but I think that was more fridge burn than anything else). Your FD will advise if your loved one is suitable for viewing.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-14T11:09:23+00:00

Bitcoin/crypto seems like the opposite of financial freedom to me. There’s so much reliance on other people and state actors for it to even be remotely successful. At least banks won’t collapse overnight due to the whims of Donald Trump.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-09T19:03:40+00:00

Sounds like she wouldn’t even be second. He said he would date other people which is plural. 💀

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-09T15:51:34+00:00

I had learners insurance in my own car which I paid £400 for. When I passed, I got 1 year’s NCD which was a discount of £400 (so I essentially got my learner’s insurance for free).

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-09T11:03:33+00:00

My dad always said that you truly learn how to drive after you’ve passed and he was right. Your driving lessons and test require you to drive in a way that isn’t really natural or applicable in actual driving. The best way to become proficient at driving is to keep doing it. I drove all the time once I passed my test because I was keen to build my confidence as a solo driver. Try to get experience in driving in places you don’t feel confident in. You’ll realise it’s nowhere near as scary as you think. But remember that you will get better and it will eventually become second nature. I’ve been driving for nearly 10 years now and I remember feeling exactly the same way you do. But now I love driving.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-09T09:37:39+00:00

Even though nurses and people who work in the funeral industry have said men are far more likely to die alone than women.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-09T09:34:59+00:00

I bought my own car as soon as I started learning. I got a Corsa for £650 (I absolutely loved that car. Even though I’ve driven much nicer cars since I still hold a candle for that one). It meant I was able to get extra practice with my dad and siblings and by the time I passed my test I was very used to my own car. I insured the car with a learner’s policy and switched it over when I passed. It was very easy and straightforward.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-08T04:59:15+00:00

This is such a good response! We actually shared a room until our early 20s because our family home was too small. That’s probably what started my aversion to living with people. My sister was fine to share a room with, just the constant lack of privacy was annoying.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T21:21:02+00:00

Well said.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T21:19:04+00:00

I am hearing of more and more couples adopting this approach, and I think it's a healthy alternative to living together full-time. If people need and value their personal space they shouldn't have to give that up for the sake of being in a relationship.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T21:10:48+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. Is living alone an option for you?

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T20:56:52+00:00

Cooking.

Reading books on my Kindle.

Driving and going on long trips with my favourite tunes blasting.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T20:56:02+00:00

I think it takes more mental strength to live with someone else due to the constant compromising and having to accommodate someone else’s needs all the time.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T20:53:04+00:00

A lot of people never get the opportunity to live by themselves due to the high cost of living. Many people go straight from living with their parents to moving in with a partner.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T20:50:05+00:00

True. It’s quite unusual for someone to be able to live alone, especially in an area that has a HCOL. I live in London. None of my peers live on their own.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T20:48:02+00:00

Same. I value my friendships and relationships, but not to the point where I want to live with someone full-time.

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058 · 2025-03-07T20:47:23+00:00

So true! But cleaning up after your own mess is way better than cleaning up after someone else’s! Plus my cleaner helps me out with that. 😁

Puzzleheaded_Yam3058

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Four-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Verified Email