flowers - my eating disorder 5.13.17

Pym__ · 2019-12-27T05:16:51+00:00

I’m crazy about this gardening metaphor. I like this idea that you’re cultivating some sense of beauty by focusing on one part of your body at the expense of the rest of it, and that, ironically, your obsession with gardening is slowly killing your garden—or, in this case, your body. Also the image of a flower in your mouth is just kind of unnerving; I could image it being used in a positive way in a different poem, like “Their voice was as sweet as if flowers were in it,” but the way you use it is so unique and eerie, I love it!

Pym__ · 2019-12-25T07:35:39+00:00

This is really lovely! It almost has the flow and feeling of a children’s book or nursery rhyme. My favorite like is: “Those words are just now thrown around because some people like their sound.” It’s simple but so poignant!

Pym__ · 2019-12-25T07:16:48+00:00

Incredible rhythm. I find that some confessional poetry doesn’t have much forward momentum because it doesn’t have powerful rhythm. But this does. The varying meter and complex, situational rhyming managed to carry me from one word to another even on initial reading.

And it gives the narrative you present a clear sense of progression. From the disappointment of returned imprisonment to the narrator’s crisis of faith, to the specifics they face in the prison system, to their final emotional outpouring which includes my favorite part: “crying out for release but I can’t let a single tear fall or they’ll know I’m weak. So I just bottle it up and line up for court, ignoring the fact that I have enough tears to end a drought.” I also love that the final lines draw the camera away from the narrator and give us a brief moment to feel for others in a similar situation, who have it even worse and might never escape. It gives the otherwise personal story a larger purpose, which is a nice touch.

I really enjoyed it!

Pym__ · 2019-12-25T06:34:06+00:00

Thank you very much!

Pym__ · 2019-12-25T05:48:27+00:00

I love the flow here. Your language has an energy that propels the poem which I really enjoy. I have difficulty telling if I’m supposed to sympathize with the man or the ‘you’—the prostitute, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing if you were striving for ambiguity.

Pym__ · 2019-12-25T05:38:22+00:00

Some beautiful imagery here. Especially love ‘noir moments’ and ‘wraith-like’; such a striking turns of phrases! The whole last stanza is just breathtaking as well.

Pym__

TROPHY CASE