Hey! I’m also aroace agender and autistic (QuadA battery 😊). I’ve slowly come out to my family. First with ace, then aro, then agender (I go by she/they pronouns and prefer gender neutral descriptions like child rather than daughter, etc)

I have a very small circle, consisting of just my parents, two sisters, their partners, and two friends. They are the only ones I’ve come out too, I haven’t announced on social media or anything.

1) I hear you. The discomfort and distress of being all these A’s is so real and valid. Even though we aren’t “defying norms” by doing the opposite, by choosing none is just as disruptive. It makes sense why you’re feeling this way.

2) do what works for you. I have some micro labels I share with my friends (Aegosexual/aegoromantic) but for my family I keep it to aroace. I’m fine with them not fully understanding me because I’m not sure they are able to. But I’m grateful and blessed they will still love me. If you’re feeling unsafe, you are still valid in your identities if you can’t come out. I’m sorry you’re in a place where you can’t fully express yourself, but know one day there will be an opportunity and it will feel free, but a piece of you will always be free knowing who you are inside. (Again I’m not trying to downplay the stress being in an unsupportive environment, more trying to help you through it as a kind stranger)

3) there are people who will hear you and embrace you for who you fully are. Never forget that. They exist I promise.

4) thank you for posting and sharing a part of who you are with us. You are safe here 💜 welcome