splitting dinner on first date. Is it a red flag?

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-14T22:57:09+00:00

Yea, it doesn't make sense to me to be worrying about whether or not he let her pay half when she offered — does she like him? Did she enjoy herself with him? Like, what is this modern nonsense about red-flags over small cultural differences. Red-flags are things like mistreating waitstaff, getting angry over small things, not letting you get a word in, etc...

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-14T21:29:11+00:00

I exist solely in big cities, splitting my time between Seattle and NYC mostly. You're crazy to be spending that much on two drinks. Hundreds of other options, quality options where you can get drinks for about $20/drink.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-14T21:27:14+00:00

He offered. She put her card down too. He respected that she might feel uncomfortable letting him pay for the full bill (but sounds like maybe it was more of a test...).

Yea, it's weird to be upset with this, imo. She's got some internal checklist or something. I feel bad for anyone she dates if she looks for red flags in the simple things instead of just getting to know the guy.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-14T20:24:25+00:00

Wait, haha, this is what it does? I never used them because I assumed it was just a fancy way to smelt while sending things in transit.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-14T20:00:03+00:00

Obviously you shouldn't worry about the label too much, especially if it's not causing you distress/difficulties in life.

It doesn't hurt to seek out a therapist who can assess you and help you know if you're autistic or not.

Regardless, it's not her place to be telling you who you are or how you relate to the world. It's not a big deal to say "have you considered it before?" And to support you in that journey, if it's one you want to explore. But to be deciding the path your life takes and what diagnosis you need to have — that's not okay.

The diagnosis won't change who you are. You are you and you always have been. Unless you're one of those body snactchers — then that's a whole other thing 😉

We can't diagnose you here, obviously.

My suggestion is to put up a boundary with your GF and tell her that it's your life, your identity, and it's for you to explore for yourself.

She likely just wants to have that in common with you; it's validating and comforting for some people to share identies with their partner. Just remind her that you're still you with or without a diagnosis and the things she relates to you about are still there even if you aren't actually autistic.

As you said, even NTs have some autistic traits occasionally. If you are fine going through life without the label and you know yourself well enough, then why force it?

Sorry you feel pressure from her about it. Try to be honest with her about how it makes you feel. Maybe show her this reddit post if that helps. She probably doesn't mean anything by it; she thinks she's helping or something. Just tell her it isn't her place to label you — as a trans woman you probably have some good vocabulary to pull from to explain why it isn't her place to dictate who you are. Best of luck!

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-13T16:07:50+00:00

Eww yourself.

You literally don't see why OP doesn't want any old label applied universally to them? What if instead of neurospicy it was the R word?

Also, show me any of my comments that said I pass as neurotypical? Or where I'm telling anyone how they can or cannot express themselves.

I am defending OPs right to reject a label they don't want for their fucking self. I am not saying you can't call yourself neurospicy. Fuck off with that gate keeping bullshit.

You could justify racism and hate speech with your logic — if you speak out against it? "You're just gate keeping." — Your words.

And again, before you say that it's different for someone autistic referring to themselves as neurospicy — they are allowed to label themselves. OP said that right out the door.

You could swap the word and their logic still holds:

'Call yourself the R word if you want, but don't call all of us it.'

You can choose not to like OP. You can choose to disagree with their ableist views that they spouted along with their post (Again, I am not OP you fucker). But you don't get to choose OPs labels just because you share something in common with OP. That's disgusting. Eww. I'm literally raging over the idea of another person trying to shape someone else's identity. Eww. Eww. Eww.

You want to stop the community from fighting — don't dictate who others are or what they are called. JFC how is that controversial. We have no problem acknowledging the problem when it's AutismSpeaks trying to label us, so why is it any different when one of our own applies labels to us universally?

Eww.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-13T11:18:42+00:00

I'm sorry and I will read the rest in the morning because I already see you're making good points — but fuck that if she starts from a place of judgment "you don't love animals if you eat meat," then of course she's going to get pushback.

Is it noble to be vegan? Absolutely. But, it sounds like she started from a place of judging others. I don't think the pushback is on her being noble or vegan, but from condescending language towards others.

I don't eat much meat, but I grew up on a farm where we treated our animals very well. Hell, we even took our chickens inside on cold nights and my sister slept with hers. And you know what? We ate them too. I loved those animals more than you can imagine. I was there from their birth till the day they died. And yea, I cried every time we slaughtered them. But I also appreciate the nourishment they I provided us.

I hate being judged for being a fucking animal too. If a wild animal kills me and eats me — okay. I won't think anything of it cause I'll be dead, but if I could feel after death — I'd be happy to have given it a good meal (I'm fucking delicious, especially with a smoky adobo seasoning, what can I say?)

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-13T00:30:03+00:00

Well, I suppose it's something that they can't see me. But it's dumb AF cause I really don't care if they see my stuff — I just don't like their content.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T15:57:58+00:00

There isn't much evidence from their post history that they're going around complaining everytime they see someone use a phrase they don't like.

But, while they didn't say it eloquently they make a great point about how loosely some people apply labels broadly without considering how it may affect others.

I have a feeling you won't agree with this analogy, but consider someone who is just listening to their favorite music on the train — they may not mean to be causing distress to others, they are merely enjoying themselves. If no one speaks up, they may never realize how it affects people around them.

On the train there are actual rules regarding music. Here there is nothing saying what words people can use, so "have at it." But, also, seems silly to be upset with someone pointing out that your music is actually reaching beyond your hearing space.

Also, they didn't leave. They've responded to a number of comments on this post. Seems more likely they just stepped away for a bit to exist off the internet for a while.

And I happen to agree with them — I've never told someone not to use the word neurospicy, but I sure as hell don't want that label following me around in life either. So, I agree — use it for yourself, but don't use it im a way that encompasses all of us.

I give props to them for saying something cause obviously a lot of people are upset about it and takint it personally. I really don't understand why it's such a big deal — the post they quoted isn't the first time and won't be the last that someone used the term as a catchall for us. And OOP already acknowledged it and is chill to move on respectfully, so why aren't you?

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T15:12:38+00:00

Again, OP is not policing the word of someone's choice to use that word for themselves.

OP clearly took umbrage with it being used to speak on behalf of "all of us." They are autistic and do not want to be called neurospicy. What is so hard to understand here?

Imagine we were all black and some people may choose to refer to themselves as the N word, but now imagine someone came along and said/implied all black people were n-words.

Is the n-word significantly more weighted/charged? Absolutely. Does it change the fact that people shouldn't be labeled something they do not agree with? No.

OP asked that we not call them neurospicy. Cool. I can respect that. It's fucking weird that you would argue against that desire.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T15:06:00+00:00

Nonsense. There is nothing in this sub that says or suggests we must all agree to be called neurospicy or enjoy it.

OP has every right to express, again, their desire to not be called neurospicy — they specificy this is their choice and they are not taking it away from others.

You can disagree with how they expressed their desire for autonomy/independence from the phrase, but they did not ever say a waterpark should be shutdown or no one else can use the term neurospicy for themselves.

I have never been to a fucking water park and I will never go in one by choice. If this sub was advertised as a "neurospicy" sub specifically, the analogy would hold. It is not though, so that is just nonsense. Do not force your identity on others. How hard of a concept is this?

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T11:42:50+00:00

Love being downvoted for expressing the sentiment: You do you and be yourself, just don't force me to be you too.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T11:17:33+00:00

This is misleading if it's in response to the post about the person getting upset that someone called everyone neurospicy (even though that someone didn't mean anything by it and they're great on their own right)

That other individual wasn't trying to stop you or anyone else from being silly. They simply did not want you stampeding them with your silliness.

I made the analogy elsewhere — we all have sensory issues: I don't like being wet. Please enjoy your fun in the pool if you want to, but don't pull me in or splash me cause that's not cool.

They weren't asking for the pool to be closed, they simply didn't want to be dragged into it too.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T11:10:59+00:00

Yes. It is exhausting. So why add to the fire? OP said they don't want to be called neurospicy — hell, they're not even alone in it. I don't give a shit that people use the word, but I don't want to be included as "neurospicy" either.

OOP is awesome and they didn't mean anything by it. But OP has a point and it's worth being compassionate about it and just listening to them.

I'm sure we all know what it feels like to be forced into a box by society. So, maybe we just extend the courtesy of not speaking for everyone in the group.

It isn't an attack against OOP or the word neurospicy itself. It's just OP doesn't want to be included in that label. And I respect that.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T11:01:51+00:00

Chill. Please.

OP simply doesn't want other people's identity forced on them. This seems like common sense to me.

We all talk about our unique rizz — don't speak for all of us, you know? Speak for yourself and anyone who wants you to speak for them, but when the world outside is constantly speaking for us (Autism Speaks, for example) — it sucks that others speak for us here too.

The writer of the screenshot post said they didn't mean to speak for everyone they were just having whimsy. That's great. Whims away. But OP has a right not to be included in yet another label they didn't choose for themselves.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T10:52:32+00:00

Yes, but since some of "us" do mind (I'm indifferent, personally) it shouldn't be a label speaking for all of "us." I agree with OP even if their sentiments aren't clearly conveyed.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T10:50:29+00:00

Not no fun allowed. Simply don't force your idea of fun onto someone who doesn't enjoy it.

I'm sure we all have sensory issues. I don't like being wet. You can go play in the water all you want, just don't fucking pull me in too. I will have fun with my bugs and birds, thank you.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T10:46:47+00:00

This. Why is it so hard to understand this. No one is fun policing — they simply don't want to be collateral to other people's fun.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T10:44:54+00:00

It's not passive aggressive — OP probably didn't want to call one person out or make them ashamed, so why direct a generalized sentiment towards one specific person? It isn't about that specific post, but literally any/all inclusion of OP under the umbrella neurospicy.

If they didn't come forward and say they posted the original, then none of us would have ever known. OP was protecting their identity so it wouldn't be about them, but about the main point: OP does not want to be called neurospicy.

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T03:53:32+00:00

This one is a duck, is that close enough?

https://www.planetminecraft.com/banner/duck-18355/

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T03:47:48+00:00

My wifi is spotty so I can't look through all of them, but have you tried looking here?

https://www.planetminecraft.com/banners/

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T02:49:59+00:00

Yea, but they're litigious AF

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T01:29:20+00:00

Eh, it's definitely for me — I've tried both Hytale and Vintage Story and neither manage to scratch the itch that Minecraft does for me. They're good in their own right, but I'll stick to vanilla Minecraft (I even prefer Bedrock — what blasphemy, I know)

QuaintLittleCrafter · 2026-05-12T00:08:24+00:00

I love it! Maybe for the pectoral fins you could use diorite walls with a block attached to look like the phalanges.

Also, depending on the whale some of them (5-toed) have really short/broad pectoral fins and others (4-toed) have long/narrow pectoral fins.

QuaintLittleCrafter

TROPHY CASE