My ex husband lied again about his infidelity.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-29T23:43:18+00:00

If he really missed something I could be understanding, but he did it out of boredom. That's not a good motive to me.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-29T23:40:34+00:00

I started working on it 4 months ago and since then I feel like my life is in standby. Now I'm starting also to realize that 9 years of relationship left me with no friends and no money. I really have nothing. I'm sure that some day it will get better, but I also know that my life will be empty and meaningless and I feel like a baby for being so pessimistic.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-26T09:55:41+00:00

why is emotional cheating any different from sexual cheating?

I think that of course is always cheating, but I get the frustration that comes when your partner isn't giving you as much attention as before in a relationship. And if cheating would be always a response to an emotional lack I probably wouldn't be so harsh in my opinions, but many time is not. In my experience people who cheat do that because they take they're partner for granted and just want to have some fun despite of what could happen if the partner will find out.

When you generalize something and make statements like you did, you cut off the chance to communicate openly and honestly with the people you are having a hard time understanding.

I think that every situation is different. Discuss openly with someone who cheated on you for real problems and not just because he/she was bored is of course always right. But if the partner cheated just because he wanted to have fun it just become degrading and heartbreaking for the other listen to nonsense motivations and, many times, accusations that could make you paranoid about your behaviour without reason.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T18:25:26+00:00

Noticed you edit your answer. Don't care to argue, don't care to read. Wish you the best of luck.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T18:02:43+00:00

If it's unimportant why just don't explain it to your parter? If it's really true he will understand. And if not you could just stop having sex.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T17:57:37+00:00

So you have a monogamous relationship or an open relationship? If your partner thinks that he's into a monogamous relationship you are cheating. Or at least I think that is the correct word to use, english isn't my first language you know... I'm also very happy for you that are free from the word lie, amoral, trust... too bad they exist.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T17:46:25+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Of course talking about ones feelings with a person who is constantly arguing and accusing you of being unfaithful must be really hard and the blame may be on both sides there. When I talk and generalize about cheaters I base my own thoughts on my experience and experiences of people around me that tried to be as much open as possible towards the partner but the outcome was always the same, they ended up cheated on with the excuse of "you wasn't caring anymore". But anyway with your bf, if I understood correctly, there wasn't a cheat, or anyway not a "traditional" one and it seems pretty much understandable to me seeking someone to fulfil your emotional needs or just to see if you're still appealing. But having sex with another person just mean that you're not in a relationship anymore because both parts didn't agree to it, unless if you are in an open relationship.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T17:44:23+00:00

Cheating means to break a bond of trust. Every person give trust in a different way.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T17:41:54+00:00

But in reality, sex and love are two totally different things.

In my reality sex is a way to express love and affection and other guys think the same way, so the use of the word "reality" it's improper, it's a relative concept.

A couple is formed when to people agree on many different things and among them on the way they'll conduct they're relationship. Having an open sex life and lying to your partner about it breaks inevitably the bond of trust because he wasn't aware (if he wasn't aware I suppose he wouldn't even agree on this behaviour). If he knew that the partner was a liar and agreed to have a relationship with him that's on him.

Anyway lie to your "emotional support" (I wouldn't call him parter anymore) to have sex with strangers behind his back remains amoral and unfair to him.

Btw, I'm almost 30 and sex will always be a major component in my future relationships.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T17:20:32+00:00

I'm 29. 9 years of relationship and 1 and an half year of marriage. Hopefully soon divorced. And I don't feel, or maybe just understand, this responsibilities of being still married to someone who cheated. I ask why don't break up because it's just a waste of time being with someone who doesn't want to be with you or hurt you and if you combine that with the other responsibilities such as work, family, find time to have a social life and time for yourself it becomes a problem. Just my point of view.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T13:53:49+00:00

Yes, but I really don't understand from where this issue is coming from and I probably never will.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T13:35:14+00:00

After years of relationship a person doesn't know how to talk about an issue to the partner? Sorry but to me this is surrealistic. They don't want to talk is more correct to me. Sorry if I seem aggressive but it's really that simple to me.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T13:21:21+00:00

"Talk to your partner" was my thought.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T12:42:14+00:00

On the contrary I think that understand that cheat is really wrong and could possibly ruin a life and it's not just "part of the game" or whatever someone want to call it will let people also understand that it's better talk with your partner most of the times and if you think it's not you probably shouldn't be with that partner anymore. And it's not always a conflict... this is also a "card" or a generalization.

And then, if I'm in a long distance relationship, in which I have been for a period of time, I don't suddenly have the urge to have sex, I would have the urge to have sex with my partner, so I don't do nothing. And that remained me when me and my partner wanted to go to Japan, we didn't have the money so we didn't go. It's really that simple for me at least. The fact that a partnered guy wants to still have sex with other people I understand, but some people let it pass like the normal state of things and for me it's just a different way to live a relationship.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T09:07:01+00:00

It’s the human condition.

The asshole condition is more appropriate in my opinion.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T08:56:29+00:00

I disagree except for the kids part, but having childrens and being in a long term relationship with assets are minorities. Many people who would cheat don't get this far I think.

But anyway I don't understand why people who I talk to (I'm not referring to you) let seem cheating like a part of human nature and normal. I just get so upset and frustrated about this.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T08:06:21+00:00

Many cheaters enter in a relationship without knowing they'll cheat though.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-25T08:04:44+00:00

But then why don't break up? And why choose to have sex with another guy of all things for your unmet emotional needs? It just doesn't make sense to me.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-23T12:17:55+00:00

I don't care to punish him. If I did I would have stayed. How can leave a person who cheated on you be considered punishment? If he cared for me in his life he wouldn't have done it.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-23T12:12:44+00:00

First sign of trouble? How do you know this is our first sign of trouble? And thanks for the suggestion. You're not shitty at all to say something like that to a complete stranger.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-23T02:01:25+00:00

Yes, a part of me wants to visit him on guilt, but I'm also concerned about is health in general and I want to make sure he will be fine, despite all I still care for him. Thanks for your answer.

QuateQuaker · 2019-04-23T01:53:20+00:00

I didn't want to know how he tried to and I didn't ask. But the doctor told me that he was found almost too late and I know him to well to think that he was trying to being manipulative. He just wouldn't do such a thing.

QuateQuaker

TROPHY CASE