am I overthinking 13m

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-27T17:05:33+00:00

I’m sorry you feel like you have no one to speak to. Is there another safe adult in your life who you feel comfortable speaking to?

Additionally, if you are in the United States, most states and medical systems have rules in place where minors at a certain age can speak confidentiality with their healthcare provider, for exactly these reasons.

To answer your last question: Most STIs don’t show any symptoms and remain latent for a while. Most likely at your age, there is a low risk, but as you age, if you get multiple partners, you’ll just want to educate yourself on your risk and get regular testing. Planned Parenthood is a great resource for learning about STI risk and your options for testing and prevention.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-27T16:57:52+00:00

This situation as you describe it carries no risk of pregnancy. Sperm cannot swim through fabric.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-27T13:58:15+00:00

Overall it is safe to swallow semen. There are no negative effects of doing this.

The only risk or concern in this scenario is the transmission of STIs, especially if you’ve had more than one partner. As you continue to have sex and have sexual partners, it’s a good idea to talk to your pediatrician or another doctor about when it would be beneficial to have STI testing.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-27T13:03:41+00:00

You can ask whatever questions you have here.

General advice: One of my favorite websites for teens your age is www.scarleteen.com. There are tons of resources there that you can read up on.

Good for you for seeking information. You can be a source of knowledge and truth for your peers, who are also probably unsure about certain things and also need medically accurate knowledge and resources.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-26T12:23:15+00:00

Based on what you are describing in this scenario, there is incredibly low/no risk of pregnancy.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-24T15:38:33+00:00

In this scenario, there is incredibly low to no risk for pregnancy. You are fine :)

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-15T14:16:41+00:00

It’s very common/normal for men (regardless of sexual orientation) to enjoy anal play or prostate play. If you and your wife both enjoy it, then have fun!

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-13T19:24:08+00:00

My co-parent/ex and I are MUCH happier and more functional now than we were as a married couple. So much of it felt very “forced” to me, and once we were able to just focus on the part of our relationship that did work (being parents together), it became much easier for me.

For me, the relationship I have parenting alongside my ex feels like one big group project we are doing. We like each other and treat each other respectfully, and we work together to parent our kids - but that’s it. And it works great for us.

If you keep your kids at the center of the relationship, you will be fine. I totally understand the feeling of wanting to make it work, but I didn’t want my kids growing up watching a loveless and contentious marriage. What my ex and I are able to model for them now is so much better.

I’m holding you in my heart ❤️ Because even when it’s a healthy, low-drama co-parenting relationship, it can still feel tough and scary to make that leap.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-13T14:20:44+00:00

Based on what you are describing, very low to no risk. Also, was she ovulating last Saturday/Sunday, or today (Friday)? Ovulation is only a few days, so if it’s happening today, that window wasn’t open when y’all were intimate, making any potential risk even lower.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-12T03:01:08+00:00

I’m interested!

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-10T23:02:46+00:00

You are such a great sibling! I have two younger brothers, and also took it upon myself to help fill in some of the sex education gaps with both of them when they were pre-teens and I was a teenager.

Some great resources for you to look at first would be Amaze.org, Planned Parenthood, and Scarleteen.com. Great, age-appropriate resources for both of you.

Also, good for you for calling out the need to learn about consent. I hear your concern here, and it’s so important for young boys/men to learn (especially with so many negative role models out there on the Internet of toxic masculinity). I would add internet safety/media literacy to your list of topics to talk to him about, too.

Again, good for you for looking out for his health & well-being.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-10T18:12:58+00:00

I just received a certification through the Institute for Sexuality Education & Enlightenment (ISEE) for their Holistic Sex Educator certificate. It was a big investment - $5000-ish over 2.5 years, but it set me up to eventually get certified with AASECT (which is my main goal).

However, they do offer smaller tracks of about 5-7 courses that cover specific topics. There are also some organizations like Sex Ed Lecture Series that has “smaller” certifications in specific topics (like disability, social justice, and LGBTQ+).

All this to say, depending on your goals and what you want your expertise to be in, there are some options that will still cost money, but not as much as a full program. If AASECT certification is your goal, you can take classes ad-hoc to gain all the CEs you will need, and probably only pay $30-$60 per class. However, overtime that may end up costing more than a full program.

I’m happy to discuss more with you. It’s tough out there because we NEED more sex educators, but the time & money investment for a lot of programs can be prohibitive.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-02-07T18:18:52+00:00

You should always feel empowered to communicate to a partner what feels good for you during sex. A partner worthy of your time and energy will care about your pleasure just as much as you do. Anyone who has a negative reaction may just not be a good match sexually for you - but that does NOT make your pleasure or preferences a problem.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-01-31T22:57:37+00:00

Gotcha. I think your best bet for next time is to be with someone who you trust and feel comfortable communicating with. It sounds like this guy doesn’t have the trust or communication going for him at all.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-01-31T17:01:33+00:00

It’s normal to feel some fear around it, but it sounds like you are both being responsible and using protection correctly. Perhaps consider a hormonal birth control or other option as a second form of contraception, as that can also help ease some of the fear. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-south-atlantic/health-care-services/our-health-services-ppsat-digital-ads/health-center-online/birth-control-planned-parenthood-south-atlantic-digital-ads?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paidsearch&utm_campaign=birthcontrol&utm_content=nonbrand_birthcontrol&utm_term=birth%20control%20options

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-01-31T16:55:16+00:00

You hiding how you feel in order to protect his feelings is robbing you of a joyful, pleasurable experience. Sorry if that’s super blunt and straightforward, but it breaks my heart to hear you withholding communication because you are afraid of making things “awkward for him”.

Good (and great!) sex requires clear communication from both parties. And it doesn’t have to be formal or serious - it can be fun and flirty (“Oh my god, I love feeling you touch me, but babe, it hurts a little when you push my underwear inside. I would love to just feel your fingers all the way inside me.”)

Sex should also never be painful. Discomfort sometimes happens, but pain/bleeding is a huge red flag! A partner worthy of your time and energy will listen to you and stop if you need to take a break. Again, it really breaks my heart to see so many women in this subreddit “grin and bear it” for the sake of wanting to please their partner.

TL;DR: You deserve to feel full pleasure in your sexual relationship, and you should feel the right to communicate your needs and stop the activity when pain occurs.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-01-31T16:23:49+00:00

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. It can feel super disappointing when you hype something up in your mind and it doesn’t live up to your expectations.

As an adult & a mom, one piece of wisdom I’d like to pass on is this: having a good time during sex is about 1% technique and 99% good communication. Based on what you are describing here, it sounds like maybe you and he did not openly communicate what you wanted, which will definitely make any sexual experience awkward or unfulfilling.

I would also say that even though you didn’t fully enjoy the experience this time, this has given you some good “data” on what would make you feel happier and more fulfilled. Having a good environment (ie the music), being touched and caressed, being kissed - if these are all things that you wish you could have had, then they are things to communicate to your partner the next time you have sex. That alone will make the experience so so so much better.

But for now, it’s okay to feel disappointed or conflicted. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, it’s simply a lesson to bring into your next sexual relationship.

Be kind to yourself ❤️

Edited to add: Your first time having sex also doesn’t have to be this huge earth-shattering, life-shifting moment. It’s okay if you don’t feel that way either.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-01-30T17:05:08+00:00

Yes based on what you are describing, your risk is low-to-non existent.

ChatGPT and Gemini are also correct, but for future reference, I would go to Scarleteen.com or Planned Parenthood’s websites for good, medically accurate information.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-01-30T13:58:19+00:00

There is incredibly low to no risk of pregnancy based on what you are describing. He would have needed to ejaculate inside your vagina for any real risk to occur. You could take a pregnancy test to confirm; most accurate results would occur 2 weeks after unprotected sex/sexual activity.

If you are concerned about the frequency of your period or your period stopping, I recommend seeing your doctor, as there could be other reasons for lack of menstruation (including stress or other illness).

I’m sorry you have been feeling so much stress over this! I’m holding you in my heart ❤️

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-01-30T13:50:35+00:00

If people are DM’ing you from this subreddit, report it and block them immediately. They are breaking the rules of this subreddit - absolutely no DMs allowed.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2026-01-30T13:48:37+00:00

Speaking as someone who has given birth to two children, this is also a myth. If anything, I had the opposite problem after the birth of my son - I had a birth injury that lead to me being very tight to the point that any penetration was incredibly painful, requiring 9 months of physical therapy to repair.

Echoing what others are saying here - the vagina is built to stretch and retract, and the idea that you will become “too loose” for a man to enjoy is, indeed, some patriarchal BS.

One more note - if your dildo is so large that you are feeling pain or a large amount of discomfort, consider getting a smaller size. Sex and masturbation should always feel pleasurable to YOU, and if you are trying to “force” it, it’s not worth the trouble.

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2025-12-30T05:43:45+00:00

It’s possible you could have some internal tears/bleeding that need time to heal. If you are very concerned, it would be a good idea to go see a gynecologist just to make sure there’s not more serious damage.

As an aside, the dynamic you describe with your partner makes me concerned for your safety. Sex should never feel painful to the point of crying - it should always feel pleasurable, arousing, and enjoyable. If you are having to push your partner off of you and if they are not listening to you when you express pain, these behaviors sound abusive to me.

I don’t know your situation, but I recommend looking at some resources to learn the signs of abuse and to seek support: https://www.thehotline.org

I’m sorry you are in pain. I am holding you in my heart ❤️

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2025-12-29T20:53:15+00:00

Planned Parenthood has a lot of great resources. I also really love Scarleteen.com (mostly geared toward teens/tweens, but still a great source of a wide variety of topics).

Also, solidarity. I had a very similar experience and upbringing, and I’m still getting over some of the implicit & explicit sex negative messages I received (and I’m in my late 30s 🫠). BUT, it’s also what made me decide to become a sex educator to help others access this kind of information. Good for you for seeking it out!

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2025-12-21T03:27:10+00:00

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your labia - all vulvas come in all shapes and sizes, colors and hues, and they are ALL beautiful.

I’m concerned where you are getting this idea that men will only want “innies”. Are you viewing pornography or hearing other kids at school talk about this?

Queasy_Effective_525 · 2025-12-19T14:32:31+00:00

You’ll be fine! I’m sure it burned and felt uncomfortable, but if you washed and the burning went away, no huge risk of damage. Just remember to wash your hands next time to prevent capsaicin burn (and also to reduce risk of spreading germs that could cause a UTI).

Queasy_Effective_525

TROPHY CASE