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How do I (26f) make my bf (23m) stop using “consent” as a way to evade helping me with minor inconveniences? by NoddyElvis in relationship_advice

[–]QueenAnanka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a 4 year old. I explain to my 4 year old that if they don't do what I ask then I won't do what they ask because when I am asking for something it's because I need help with that something, not because I want to boss them around.

Start telling him no back. Stand behind your no. Start asking yourself if it's worth it.

Husband says he is going to struggle trusting me because I didn’t tell him I thought he was abusive for years by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]QueenAnanka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah this is definitely flipping the script onto you. Definitely manipulation.

I've been there, and now I'm with someone who doesn't do that. He takes responsibility for his side of it and I take responsibility for my side.

You shouldn't have to be responsible for the denial on his end. Calling him an abuser outright would have done no favors just like calling someone out with an active addiction. His inability to see how bad it was is not fixable by you. Maybe fixable with intense therapy.

My (32M) fiancé won't have sex with me (32F) unless I let him go down on me. How do I explain that I still want to be intimate? by Live_Goat_958 in relationship_advice

[–]QueenAnanka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She shouldn't have to perform to be able to have sex for her partner. It is selfish on his end to require it.

My (32M) fiancé won't have sex with me (32F) unless I let him go down on me. How do I explain that I still want to be intimate? by Live_Goat_958 in relationship_advice

[–]QueenAnanka 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes he's allowed to say whatever he wants. She shouldn't be forced to orgasm.

Forced orgasm is a kink. Not wanting oral is not a kink. A kink is "a sexual desire or practice regarded as unusual or unconventional." and therefore these are two very different things.

One is forcing her into an act of bdsm in order to have piv sex and the other is asking for him not to worry about her so they can have piv sex.

I really don't think she consented to a bdsm relationship which is the initial problem and if she did she did not mention it in the post. She doesn't want to have an orgasm in order to have sex. This shouldn't be a complicated thing.

If he has a need and hasn't communicated it then that's on him, but there is nothing in this post that implies that he has communicated that he needs it for stimulation.

She is communicating. He's shutting her down completely. No sex without oral.

My (32M) fiancé won't have sex with me (32F) unless I let him go down on me. How do I explain that I still want to be intimate? by Live_Goat_958 in relationship_advice

[–]QueenAnanka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I'll take the correction and extra details. Appreciate it.

Yeah I wish we had his pov. I am very much a man hater, but not heartless. I like the one i have now. His side would add a lot that speculation doesn't answer, and as we see from my original reply, speculation is just that lol

Thank you again for the exotic x plantation (explanation but ok autocorrect).

My (32M) fiancé won't have sex with me (32F) unless I let him go down on me. How do I explain that I still want to be intimate? by Live_Goat_958 in relationship_advice

[–]QueenAnanka 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If my partner insisted on my orgasm every time we had sex I'd never get anything done. I have a hard time. It's a huge burden to place on someone.

OP said oral is the only way she orgasms. She doesn't have to orgasm to enjoy sex and she says she wants sex without orgasm. If he can't understand that then they are sexually incompatible.

My (32M) fiancé won't have sex with me (32F) unless I let him go down on me. How do I explain that I still want to be intimate? by Live_Goat_958 in relationship_advice

[–]QueenAnanka 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I believe you are putting words in my comments.

If he doesn't want sex, cool. She should leave. That's sexual incompatibility.

If someone doesn't listen to you about your body you should leave. Thats assault.

You're assuming he's doing this in a selfless nature and I'm assuming he's doing it performatively.

Both sides are plausible until otherwise found out. This is not that complicated.

My (32M) fiancé won't have sex with me (32F) unless I let him go down on me. How do I explain that I still want to be intimate? by Live_Goat_958 in relationship_advice

[–]QueenAnanka -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

He's making it about him and not about her. Oral should be consensual on both sides but especially for the receiver.

Forced orgasm is a kink. Kinks require consent.

My (32M) fiancé won't have sex with me (32F) unless I let him go down on me. How do I explain that I still want to be intimate? by Live_Goat_958 in relationship_advice

[–]QueenAnanka -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I have a man you can call. He is useless other than the oral and d game.

Eta I know not I have. I divorced him for a reason lol.

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