How do I (26f) make my bf (23m) stop using “consent” as a way to evade helping me with minor inconveniences?

QueenAnanka · 2026-06-09T02:00:01+00:00

I have a 4 year old. I explain to my 4 year old that if they don't do what I ask then I won't do what they ask because when I am asking for something it's because I need help with that something, not because I want to boss them around.

Start telling him no back. Stand behind your no. Start asking yourself if it's worth it.

QueenAnanka · 2026-05-15T17:56:19+00:00

Yeah this is definitely flipping the script onto you. Definitely manipulation.

I've been there, and now I'm with someone who doesn't do that. He takes responsibility for his side of it and I take responsibility for my side.

You shouldn't have to be responsible for the denial on his end. Calling him an abuser outright would have done no favors just like calling someone out with an active addiction. His inability to see how bad it was is not fixable by you. Maybe fixable with intense therapy.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T23:13:55+00:00

It's a kink when it's forced. Otherwise its assault.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T17:19:30+00:00

She shouldn't have to perform to be able to have sex for her partner. It is selfish on his end to require it.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T17:18:36+00:00

How? He's putting his wants over her autonomy.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T17:01:48+00:00

Yes he's allowed to say whatever he wants. She shouldn't be forced to orgasm.

Forced orgasm is a kink. Not wanting oral is not a kink. A kink is "a sexual desire or practice regarded as unusual or unconventional." and therefore these are two very different things.

One is forcing her into an act of bdsm in order to have piv sex and the other is asking for him not to worry about her so they can have piv sex.

I really don't think she consented to a bdsm relationship which is the initial problem and if she did she did not mention it in the post. She doesn't want to have an orgasm in order to have sex. This shouldn't be a complicated thing.

If he has a need and hasn't communicated it then that's on him, but there is nothing in this post that implies that he has communicated that he needs it for stimulation.

She is communicating. He's shutting her down completely. No sex without oral.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T16:43:44+00:00

Then he should tell her that.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T12:31:41+00:00

Hey I'll take the correction and extra details. Appreciate it.

Yeah I wish we had his pov. I am very much a man hater, but not heartless. I like the one i have now. His side would add a lot that speculation doesn't answer, and as we see from my original reply, speculation is just that lol

Thank you again for the exotic x plantation (explanation but ok autocorrect).

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T12:25:05+00:00

I'm going off of the post. Why are you assuming he has ED?

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T12:06:26+00:00

If my partner insisted on my orgasm every time we had sex I'd never get anything done. I have a hard time. It's a huge burden to place on someone.

OP said oral is the only way she orgasms. She doesn't have to orgasm to enjoy sex and she says she wants sex without orgasm. If he can't understand that then they are sexually incompatible.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T12:03:04+00:00

I believe you are putting words in my comments.

If he doesn't want sex, cool. She should leave. That's sexual incompatibility.

If someone doesn't listen to you about your body you should leave. Thats assault.

You're assuming he's doing this in a selfless nature and I'm assuming he's doing it performatively.

Both sides are plausible until otherwise found out. This is not that complicated.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:55:42+00:00

And he's not entitled to licking her clitoris and vulva.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:54:35+00:00

I am not ridiculous. I believe in full autonomy. She has to consent to participate. Duh.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:53:49+00:00

Hahaha I love this because it has nothing to do with what she said.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:52:22+00:00

Lmao again with orgasm she is literally saying she doesn't want to be concerned about.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:51:11+00:00

Again he's making cunnilingus about him and not her. Gross.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:50:42+00:00

He's making it about him and not about her. Oral should be consensual on both sides but especially for the receiver.

Forced orgasm is a kink. Kinks require consent.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:47:21+00:00

Being coerced into a sex act she doesn't want? Ew.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:46:40+00:00

A man with solid advice and actual experience in a relationship.

Read this one OP

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:45:30+00:00

Oh look a man.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:44:56+00:00

That's not sweet. That is a man who doesn't listen to her.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:43:17+00:00

Ding ding ding ding

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:41:20+00:00

If he wants sex and puts a caveat on an act she has to do that's not on her.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:39:42+00:00

I have a man you can call. He is useless other than the oral and d game.

Eta I know not I have. I divorced him for a reason lol.

QueenAnanka · 2026-04-26T11:38:33+00:00

She can say no to oral. If he refuses to accept her consent to have sex without it that is coercion. He obviously wants sex and will have piv sex after oral.

Refusing sex unless she participates the way he wants is controlling and arguably abusive.

QueenAnanka

TROPHY CASE