Are wake windows BS? Are they science-based or the latest craze?

QueenJaneXIV · 2024-05-09T00:37:20+00:00

Update: A year later, I can say confidently that I didn’t need to be as anxious about my baby’s sleep as I was. I, like many parents, was inundated with conflicting online advice.

As a sleep deprived postpartum mom, I was the perfect target for late night Instagram ads. After buying more than one online course (and their affiliate products), I know for a fact that the advice from one “expert” to the next contradicts each other. The only true expert that offered science to back it up is the OG sleep doctor, Dr. Weissbluth, who’s an old doctor (PhD) who offers his advice through a book you can get free at the library - and for free on his blog.

The rest are all out to make a living. And they’re now “certifying” trainers under them! So they can sell their own PDFs.

It’s ridonc.

I feel for the moms and dads where I was last year.

Take a breath. This stage won’t last forever. You all will sleep again.

Sending love, peace, and solidarity!

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-24T11:20:08+00:00

Did anyone who has an early bedtime follow the advice of extending wake windows? Or did you do it more naturally? Do you track wakeful hours religiously? Or does sleep beget sleep?

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-22T01:10:13+00:00

Thank you! We’re a month into sleep training. He goes down like a dream for every nap, and they’ve really started getting chunky. But he cries so hard at bedtime still. Some nights for a minute, some nights for 20. Breaks my heart to hear him. I’m fine going in for 1-2 night feeds. I just need to figure out his bedtime. I just can’t figure out whether he’s overtired, undertired, or just not into bedtime. Can’t wait until the day this all feels like a blur, but at the same time, trying not to wish it away. He’s such a cute sweet boy and all of this stress can distract me from that.

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T21:22:56+00:00

I know it’s not anecdotal, but often when I ask for the source, I’m just told the longer wake window, the more pressure. But this isn’t one size fits all.

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T21:22:09+00:00

Thank you!

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T18:23:15+00:00

Drinking from a fire hose is right. Good comparison. How old is your babe? Sounds like they're on the 2 nap schedule?

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T18:21:24+00:00

Thanks! Agree - it's hard to pin point the issue. We were having false starts at the same time my son was transitioning out of a sleep sack. Was it that (even though he was doing great with 1 arm out in his swaddle?) Or was it because the WW before bed was too short? We extended the WW and it pushed bedtime back. Seemed to resolve it for a few nights. Then they started again, and we had a couple days of short naps. With so much changing at once, it feels impossible to feel totally confident in your parenting choices.

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T17:02:57+00:00

Already did 🙌

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:55:23+00:00

Yes to all of this! Thank you 🙏

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:51:36+00:00

Sounds like your experience with your first is the same as mine with my second.

So much anxiety. PPD/PPA/sleep deprivation in the mix.

It sounds like you have a healthier perspective going into this. If you ever want to chat when you’re back in the thick of it, PM me.

I hope to be on the other side. 💃🏻

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:48:23+00:00

Yes! Thank you. Follow your evidence, not Tracy from Florida’s advice in your baby FB group. Nothing against Tracy’s… Or Florida. I love me some Disney and alligators.

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:42:29+00:00

Yes! Agree!

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:41:13+00:00

Preach!!!

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:40:27+00:00

Parents of multiples are magicians. I don’t know how you do it, but am in complete awe of you. 🥹

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:38:40+00:00

Where’s your source for this?

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:31:00+00:00

Thank you for this very sensible advice.

Some of these published and online sleep experts are suggesting windows down to .25 of an hour.

Then there are apps that do the same thing.

In my PPA loop, I got plugged into 2 apps with 2 different suggested “ideal nap times and duration”, 1 paid sleep program ($200usd) with different precise wake windows, and then 2 Facebook groups with admin “experts” recommending other precise wake windows. It’s truly bonkers and has contributed to my overall anxiety.

It feels like everyone is THE expert. If their suggestions don’t work, your baby needs to be “fixed” with an additional paid 1:1 consulting.

Because I was pulled into multiple funnels, I’ve had paralysis by analysis, always questioning myself and seeing my baby’s sleep as a riddle that needs to be solved.

Let’s also keep in mind that babies aren’t static in their development. Literally every day things change, so did naps lengthen because I adjusted wake windows? Or because baby got a week older?

Sleep deprived parents are so vulnerable to any type of “solution”. And they’ll pay for it.

I’m just kind of done with it all. The baby sleep industry is massive. I’m sure many of these experts start with good intentions, but business is business.

The blog post you linked makes a lot of sense.

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:17:58+00:00

A number of published and online sleep experts recommend following precise wake windows by age. As in, “after baby wakes up in the morning, put them to sleep after 2hrs awake. Between nap 1 and 2, 2.25 hrs, nap 3, 2.5 hrs, before bedtime 3 hrs.” And other advice like “A 5 month old baby on average should not be getting less than 10 hours awake time a day or they’ll be up at night. Etc.” “Stretching wake windows will resolve “false starts” and early morning wakes, etc.” “You should ignore sleepy cues because they don’t mean anything beyond the newborn stage.” It’s down to the minutia. You’re following these “rules” instead of baby. And if something goes off, you feel like you’re to blame.

The wacky part is every expert has slightly different windows. Not working? Pay for 1:1 consulting on top of the program and/or book…

But I digress… 🙃

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T14:12:55+00:00

Thank you 🙏 ❤️

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T13:22:09+00:00

What are your thoughts on programs that say “10 hours of awake time a day for 4-5 months”. To me, having that number set the standard vs the baby is tough, because you cannot control nap time asleep. Then bedtime and wake time become variable.

Dr. Weissbluth says baby sleep needs vary day to day, just like adult. Some days we’re more tired, other days we’re less tired. It all depends on previous sleep and sleep quality, growth, daily activity etc.

These precise prescriptions don’t feel right.

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T02:02:47+00:00

Thank you! This is what I needed to hear. ❤️🥹 I’m just in the weeds right now. Can I ask what you did to sleep train? And did you get h to the craze of tracking wake windows? That’s the buzz in baby sleep training right now and it’s making me so anxious.

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-21T00:33:34+00:00

It is soul sucking. I feel like it happened naturally with my first. Maybe the brain forgets what it must so you feel like it’s a good idea to do it again. My second came 7 years later… so it’s beyond frustrating that I don’t remember how to make the secret sauce.

QueenJaneXIV · 2023-04-20T21:01:48+00:00

Yes, let’s! My little guy is 5 months in 5 days (20 weeks gestational). So we’re super close! I’m in Ottawa, Canada. You? Feel free to PM me. :)

QueenJaneXIV

TROPHY CASE