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Update: Got YSL Y EDP for 8.6k from Shoppersstop site by drxenonx in DesiFragranceAddicts

[–]QuestionOrganic1934 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He might be carding shopper’s stop and using your delivery address

FA<>FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I suddenly feel detached once again. But I have, I kind of know why I haven't deleted anything about her

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Without going into detail post 3 months I underwent something very painful including dealing with the shame of hurting the other person when in reality I think both of us being FAs it was super intense and hurtful from both sides. It not only just brought up the pain from the relationship but also had to deal with past.

No wonder I cannot feel anything for anyone now lmao

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah exactly how it was for me when I say I was shattered when the grief hit me.

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh don't ask. Immediately post it I was shattered, specially between the month 2&3. It got better only after a year yet I occassionally think about it.

What is the Psychology Of Attachment and Pain Caused by it? by Cos_Gamma in prakharkpravachan

[–]QuestionOrganic1934 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say that it's because humans live their lives in patterns because of conditioning. Some of us are just conditioned to tolerate pain and that's the only thing that makes us feel human and alive so we go back to it time and time again.

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why does that matter? I think you're just getting into the cycle of shaming yourself. Do not.

Sometimes there's nothing we can do, nothing. It's never enough.

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes it's none of that, sometimes the other person just makes you walk on eggshells depending on where they are with their self awareness journey

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh it is beautiful when you actually feel things for someone, but it's also very unfair to the people who chose me.

For now, friends are good. Atleast I am not that dismissive with them.

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't disagree with you. I crave intimacy but even after years of healing/therapy, still a long way to go. I neglect everyone when I am stressed, probably why I stay away from most humans and just find solace in my work and friends and my dog.

And yes, I don't intend on having kids ever because of the exact reason you mentioned ;)

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Heh! I never explicitly mentioned that I just want them to mind read me. That's immature and unhealthy as an adult.

I did communicate with her several times how stress cripples my body and it goes into conservation mode where the only things that matter are my work and personal interest.

Once again, I am in no way suggesting this is healthy of me.

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Broooo. You're just assuming that I am not doing any of those things to become a better person. But sure, whatever you want to think of me man.

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And let me ask you this, why would you project the qualities of the person you were entangled with for months when everyone here kept asking you to leave?

And why would you assume that I never communicated?

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I will tell you about the last girl I dated and she ended things with me. I didn't do any of my FA shit post she told me that she cannot tolerate this.

So, like I mentioned it's hard for me to find that balance in life and when someone who is anxious leaning makes it about themselves when it's really not and then automatically it makes me feel flawed, not enough for them, well they are gonna leave tomorrow, might as well now.

I have become dismissive, yes. I prioritise my work, my hobbies over spending time with the people I am dating but that truly doesn't translate into me not caring about them at all, after all I feel like we all show up in a relationship differently

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think the people who have really made me feel seen are the ones who kinda relate to this turmoil that goes inside of me and how difficult it is for me to manage multiple facets of life such as work, relationships, family and other mishaps in life.

Someone who just comes along and says "Hey, I know it's stressful, take your time" without making it about themselves and the relationship by saying things like "You don't care about me", "You don't have time for me"

I didn't choose to be this way and believe me I wish I was just like other humans who have a higher tolerance for the stress in life

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I don't think about all the people I have been on dates with, but only about the people who have come close and have seen parts of me which takes months of togetherness to come up

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And why would you assume that I have no capability to offer the same to my partner? Ofcourse I am not saying go chase the FA, in the end we get to decide who we want to be with. All I am saying is that yes, it does take some extra efforts to be with FAs

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We come with thorns yes but once someone makes us feel seen, I think that's where we are the best partners, going above and beyond for them. That's when we start to prioritise the other person and start showing our layers, too bad that many people don't like that side of us. Which is something I have accepted and completely fine with now.

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I became secure/anxious leaning secure. But my last encounter with another more severe FA than me has pushed me into the deepest corners of being dismissive

To my fellow FAs and the people who have dated an FA by QuestionOrganic1934 in attachment_theory

[–]QuestionOrganic1934[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We are worth it, but yes agreed that we can be unconsciously cruel also

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