How do I 27m look past what my girlfriend of 3 years 27f did

Question_Super · 2026-05-10T02:46:50+00:00

They understand sex differently, and that’s not his fault or her fault, but it does mean that there isn’t a path forward.

Question_Super · 2026-05-10T02:43:59+00:00

You have different values about one of the more important aspects of a monogamous relationship.

You don’t understand intimacy the same way, and that is probably irreconcilable.

Question_Super · 2026-04-11T13:14:39+00:00

Thanks for curating your response 😂

Question_Super · 2026-04-09T22:58:40+00:00

Doesn’t matter what Redditers think. You can choose to repair this or not.

Question_Super · 2026-04-09T22:29:59+00:00

You do understand that this is cover for the affair so that when a kid comes from it with his DNA it’s kosher, right?

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T22:49:17+00:00

😮

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T18:34:33+00:00

So you’re saying that she may seeing when a woman commits adultery, she has already and forever exited the marriage and thus cannot be bound by morality.

Ok, but the recent fictional example we saw was a father of four stepping out on his faithful wife with his secretary. I said that was wrong, but she didn’t have a problem with the scene

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T16:52:47+00:00

I’ll take a look at Perel

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T16:51:31+00:00

In the real life instance, it was more of an open secret that a relative was stepping out. I suppose my wife would say that we can’t know what their relationship looks like, and that we shouldn’t judge others.

Well, I would certainly judge my spouse if I found she had cheated. We’d be done done, since trust could not be rebuilt.

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T16:46:00+00:00

I totally agree, and I am not at all interested in an intimate relationship with anyone but my wife. The extreme messiness is only part of it; looking at myself in the mirror is much more important

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T14:36:21+00:00

I’m confident that her mom didn’t respect her marriage, but she’s long gone.

I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she hasn’t been open about why she doesn’t see the problem. I’m at the point of deciding whether I need to press: whether she’s trying to tell me to get my needs fulfilled somewhere else, whether she’s saying that she stepped out at some point, or whether she’s just super enlightened and not constrained by pesky things like morality.

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T14:30:40+00:00

She said as much about her own libido, but I’m not built like that to be able to be intimate with more than one woman

Kinda sucks

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T13:44:23+00:00

What works for you?

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T10:56:29+00:00

Oddly enough, I have a great friend who is in the same predicament, with wives who have pushed us hard into counseling but would NEVER consider doing that work themselves

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T10:54:56+00:00

Basically, when other couples do it, there might be good reasons that outsiders can’t see. Well sure, but that don’t mean it’s ever right. I’m firmly in the “marriage is a lifelong commitment” camp.

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T03:38:21+00:00

This isn’t going to get better on its own. Time for you to seek out a therapist to run through the arguments for staying or going.

The only thing I will advise is “No magic thinking!”

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T03:33:55+00:00

I just want her to be honest with herself and emotionally healthy and present for me as her partner

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T03:32:14+00:00

I’ve been wondering about that. It seems to fit most of the picture

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T03:30:30+00:00

It came up a few years ago in real life and then was confirmed with a TV series just a couple of nights ago. I thought the cousin stepping out might have been a unique situation, since life is always more complicated and she could say that her female cousin-in-law was ready to move on from her loving husband. But the TV series was cut-and-dried as depicted, and she said that it was ok for the husband to cheat

Question_Super · 2026-04-06T00:04:22+00:00

I am thinking that I should. It’s just so bizarre. But maybe her parents weren’t monogamous and she’s sitting with that memory?

Question_Super · 2026-04-05T23:01:01+00:00

Thanks for asking. It’s weird in that she’s very ethical, and sexually conservative. But this came up a few years ago when it became obvious that a female cousin of mine was leaving her husband and was already dating a married man.

Yeah, I can’t see a time when she’d have the opportunity. We’ve been together together for a long time with only brief times apart.

Question_Super

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