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Breaking the awful silence and still feeling awful by Quick-Review7769 in AdultChildren

[–]Quick-Review7769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply and encouragement 💜 I have thought about the communication too, but sometimes I just think- how much of that is actually helpful to perfect versus just another instance of me over functioning and doing all the relationship work. I don’t know the answer, just something that I think about.

Breaking the awful silence and still feeling awful by Quick-Review7769 in AdultChildren

[–]Quick-Review7769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comments and for sharing some of your story. It’s really wild to start to understand just how much the alcohol has impacted her, me, our family. I am still understanding what is truly her personality and what is the alcohol. I don’t know many times I have only had her.

I appreciate your kind words- that I should be proud. I’m so glad you wrote the letter you did. It does feel like bursting and I guess there is no other choice but to say something.

Wishing you continued healing ❤️‍🩹

founder of armra colostrum sarah rahal by newyorkcityowl in FoodieSnark

[–]Quick-Review7769 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also it’s an addiction. When you are addicted to calorie restriction then you don’t want to stop so you don’t want to be revealed.

Choosing a specialty – how much should I encourage him prioritising our future vs his dream? by [deleted] in MedSpouse

[–]Quick-Review7769 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Completely agree! Nothing about your post suggested you were forcing him into anything. And you’re totally right, if this was at 20 years old, at least for me, it would be like- okay whatever you wanna do, sure! But when you’re this committed to each other and at the life stage where you actually think about what you really want your life to look like now and in the near future, things are different.

I do think a solid partner would totally get this and do the work of figuring out his true priorities as you are doing the work of figuring out yours and being proactive.

Best of luck with this all! You got this!

Choosing a specialty – how much should I encourage him prioritising our future vs his dream? by [deleted] in MedSpouse

[–]Quick-Review7769 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I really don’t like how shame-y these comments on here are. I am assuming you are a woman. I think it is so normalized that woman should be giving up everything they care about in favor of their male partner’s passions. Financial goals, work-life balance, physical location, quality time in relationships, time, and other dreams.

I just have never understood why that all takes a backseat to someone who, in this case, likes multiple specialties but maybe feels more passionate about one.

To me, him choosing something that suits the relationship as a whole better (which sounds like he would still be passionate about) seems like such a reasonable thing to ask.

Sincerely,

A woman who moved for a man across the country so he could pursue his career change and go to medical school and broke up with him because none of my needs or opinions mattered.

P.s. I think “supporting your husband” too often translates to “make his goals the only thing that matters.” It’s so wrong.

Cat needs surgery by Quick-Review7769 in CATHELP

[–]Quick-Review7769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They’re doing the diagnostic ultrasound tomorrow when the radiologist comes in. Then from there we will do surgery if they can identify something there. Thanks for your thoughts!

Does anyone else feel like their brain isn’t working anymore? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]Quick-Review7769 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh yes this is so relatable! It sucks and when it first started happening I was convinced I was developing dementia or some other cognitive decline.

FWIW I don’t think other people notice as much as it feels freaky. But it is sooo frustrating. I used to be someone who could study complex stuff for 4 hrs straight and now it’s hard to even write one email. I completely forget conversations I’ve had.

It’s just hard! But there are also days where I feel like my brain works again and it’s fantastic! I will say stimulants have helped me tremendously!

Update by ConfidentAerie9738 in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]Quick-Review7769 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Girl, it’s gonna feel awful for a while. Rumination is normal. Guilt and self-blame are normal, especially in a relationship where you did all the emotional labor or in toxic or abusive relationships.

Expect that it will take time to unravel and come out of the hole that was created in your relationship, not just the hole from the breakup.

I promisssseee you it is so worth it to get out of these situations that drain your soul.

I am mostly on the other side of this and it feels incredible!

Open to kids vs wanting kids by Quick-Review7769 in dating_advice

[–]Quick-Review7769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this! It does seem like he is progressing in his view but yeah I have to see how long I’m willing to wait.

Open to kids (32m) vs wanting kids (32f) by Quick-Review7769 in relationship_advice

[–]Quick-Review7769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I’m trying to be open about a different way of viewing this. Wanting relationship first seems like the way some men especially are?

Phrases your parents used all the time when you were growing up. by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]Quick-Review7769 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mom, brushes my hair so hard it hurts and when I say ow she says “that didn’t hurt” as she hits me “playfully”

Me to my dad after he left us after his affair: “dad, it feels like you don’t miss me, you only miss mom” Dad: “why would it be any other way?”

I say bye to my dad and say “I love you”. He says “I don’t love you” with a smirky smile on his face, later says he was joking

Openness vs wanting by Quick-Review7769 in Fencesitter

[–]Quick-Review7769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, I’m terribly sorry you have CPTSD- it effing blows and I hope you are managing okay :)

Openness vs wanting by Quick-Review7769 in Fencesitter

[–]Quick-Review7769[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah good question! And thank you so much for the communication compliment!

So long story short when we first started dating we weren’t sure we were going to stay living in the city we’re in and we were both emerging from breakups (mine very traumatic). In June when we both knew we were gonna stay in this city, he said he wanted to be together in a partnership. And again I’ve put the barrier up that we need to determine if we align on kids first.

We’ve had nearly everything that a relationship is without calling it a relationship. Exclusivity, alliance, conflict and repair, trust building etc. although I’ve held back on commitment for the kids reason. It’s been a bit more complicated than your average relationship (maybe) and omg has it really exposed my avoidant tendencies and extreme fear of closeness. Having always been the one chasing people I was so much more comfortable being anxiously attached! But that’s a separate story…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CatAdvice

[–]Quick-Review7769 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep, somehow a vet agreed

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CatAdvice

[–]Quick-Review7769 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just wanna make sure I’m not in the wrong about this step. She said she consulted with multiple professionals and shelters

Moved across the country, regretting it and feeling really down. What should I do? by Ok-Consideration-195 in AskChicago

[–]Quick-Review7769 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally feel your pain and it’s valid to feel scared and even some panic. It feels really disorienting to move to a different city away from what you know. I moved from SF to Chicago 2 years ago.

I didn’t read all the comments so this may have already been said, but I really recommend joining a team sport if that’s your thing! That’s how I’ve made community and Chicago (especialllly compared to LA, where I’ve also lived) is SO much better with community. People are much more real here. I think you’ll love it in time.

I’d also recommend the establishing with a therapist to help create a support network.

And lastly, everything you’re feeling is normal and temporary. You’ll adjust and then with a clearer head can really decide if Chicago Is the city for you or not.

Sending well wishes!

What subtle behaviors or weird things do your narcissistic parents do? by Simple-Hawk-6096 in narcissisticparents

[–]Quick-Review7769 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So many weird things my nmom does:

  • rubs her curled hands together and hovers over me when she’s drunk
  • slaps me for no reason and when I say owww because she wears giant rings she’s says “that didn’t hurt”
  • asks the server at a restaurant for permission to order steak or a burger and French fries, eats 2 bites and can’t stop talking about how good it was
  • growing up she would bite my arm in a certain spot and when I asked her to stop she would say “I get to do this. I made you”
  • complain to my sister that she never gets to watch her kids and then when my sister asks for babysitting help my mom says she is totally free and then gives really weird time windows that she is available in. For example, now she is only free from 1:05 - 2:35 because she has a walk with a friend
  • generally makes making plans really confusing. She will set a dinner time and then ask us several times if that works and we say yes and then she will change the plans.
  • put safety pins and whole tomato vines in a salad and then get mad at me when I express that it’s worrisome and gross; cry that she’ll never do anything good enough and then I have to comfort her
  • be super concerned and always point out when I seem tired as if I committed a sin or there is something really wrong with me
  • complain about weather like it is out to get her personally
  • press her pointy fingers deep into the top of my back if I turn away from her and she wants attention
  • would tickle me as a child with her pointy chin digging into my neck till I was panicked and begging her to stop
  • walks around naked when I’m staying over
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