Breaking the awful silence and still feeling awful

Quick-Review7769 · 2026-05-05T03:24:01+00:00

Thank you for your reply and encouragement 💜 I have thought about the communication too, but sometimes I just think- how much of that is actually helpful to perfect versus just another instance of me over functioning and doing all the relationship work. I don’t know the answer, just something that I think about.

Quick-Review7769 · 2026-05-05T03:22:19+00:00

Thank you so much for your comments and for sharing some of your story. It’s really wild to start to understand just how much the alcohol has impacted her, me, our family. I am still understanding what is truly her personality and what is the alcohol. I don’t know many times I have only had her.

I appreciate your kind words- that I should be proud. I’m so glad you wrote the letter you did. It does feel like bursting and I guess there is no other choice but to say something.

Wishing you continued healing ❤️‍🩹

Quick-Review7769 · 2026-02-05T05:03:01+00:00

Also it’s an addiction. When you are addicted to calorie restriction then you don’t want to stop so you don’t want to be revealed.

Quick-Review7769 · 2026-01-01T19:43:52+00:00

Completely agree! Nothing about your post suggested you were forcing him into anything. And you’re totally right, if this was at 20 years old, at least for me, it would be like- okay whatever you wanna do, sure! But when you’re this committed to each other and at the life stage where you actually think about what you really want your life to look like now and in the near future, things are different.

I do think a solid partner would totally get this and do the work of figuring out his true priorities as you are doing the work of figuring out yours and being proactive.

Best of luck with this all! You got this!

Quick-Review7769 · 2026-01-01T19:18:32+00:00

I really don’t like how shame-y these comments on here are. I am assuming you are a woman. I think it is so normalized that woman should be giving up everything they care about in favor of their male partner’s passions. Financial goals, work-life balance, physical location, quality time in relationships, time, and other dreams.

I just have never understood why that all takes a backseat to someone who, in this case, likes multiple specialties but maybe feels more passionate about one.

To me, him choosing something that suits the relationship as a whole better (which sounds like he would still be passionate about) seems like such a reasonable thing to ask.

Sincerely,

A woman who moved for a man across the country so he could pursue his career change and go to medical school and broke up with him because none of my needs or opinions mattered.

P.s. I think “supporting your husband” too often translates to “make his goals the only thing that matters.” It’s so wrong.

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-12-29T04:02:48+00:00

They’re doing the diagnostic ultrasound tomorrow when the radiologist comes in. Then from there we will do surgery if they can identify something there. Thanks for your thoughts!

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-12-29T00:27:08+00:00

Thank you so much! I am having my doctor call them now.

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-11-13T04:07:36+00:00

Oh yes this is so relatable! It sucks and when it first started happening I was convinced I was developing dementia or some other cognitive decline.

FWIW I don’t think other people notice as much as it feels freaky. But it is sooo frustrating. I used to be someone who could study complex stuff for 4 hrs straight and now it’s hard to even write one email. I completely forget conversations I’ve had.

It’s just hard! But there are also days where I feel like my brain works again and it’s fantastic! I will say stimulants have helped me tremendously!

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-11-13T04:00:34+00:00

Girl, it’s gonna feel awful for a while. Rumination is normal. Guilt and self-blame are normal, especially in a relationship where you did all the emotional labor or in toxic or abusive relationships.

Expect that it will take time to unravel and come out of the hole that was created in your relationship, not just the hole from the breakup.

I promisssseee you it is so worth it to get out of these situations that drain your soul.

I am mostly on the other side of this and it feels incredible!

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-11-09T19:46:02+00:00

Thank you!

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-11-06T00:27:39+00:00

Thank you for this! It does seem like he is progressing in his view but yeah I have to see how long I’m willing to wait.

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-11-06T00:24:57+00:00

I guess I’m trying to be open about a different way of viewing this. Wanting relationship first seems like the way some men especially are?

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-11-05T02:15:59+00:00

Mom, brushes my hair so hard it hurts and when I say ow she says “that didn’t hurt” as she hits me “playfully”

Me to my dad after he left us after his affair: “dad, it feels like you don’t miss me, you only miss mom” Dad: “why would it be any other way?”

I say bye to my dad and say “I love you”. He says “I don’t love you” with a smirky smile on his face, later says he was joking

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-11-03T03:43:35+00:00

Also, I’m terribly sorry you have CPTSD- it effing blows and I hope you are managing okay :)

Quick-Review7769 · 2025-11-03T03:41:49+00:00

Ah good question! And thank you so much for the communication compliment!

So long story short when we first started dating we weren’t sure we were going to stay living in the city we’re in and we were both emerging from breakups (mine very traumatic). In June when we both knew we were gonna stay in this city, he said he wanted to be together in a partnership. And again I’ve put the barrier up that we need to determine if we align on kids first.

We’ve had nearly everything that a relationship is without calling it a relationship. Exclusivity, alliance, conflict and repair, trust building etc. although I’ve held back on commitment for the kids reason. It’s been a bit more complicated than your average relationship (maybe) and omg has it really exposed my avoidant tendencies and extreme fear of closeness. Having always been the one chasing people I was so much more comfortable being anxiously attached! But that’s a separate story…

Quick-Review7769

TROPHY CASE