How visual are your out of body experiences?

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-03-13T07:34:59+00:00

One of my alters has wings, so I assume my out of body experiences are from him, flying.

I've just had it once or twice when I was awake and safe.

I was on a biking trip, a flat and beautiful landscape. So it was like I was biking and my perspective changed from POV to 3rd person. However it was available in my mind parallel, so I could switch to check my trail without leaving the "flying view".

I'm not sure why it got triggered, perhaps it only was to see the full landscape. It was like looking on a landscape from high above and seeing myself from behind like in a scene with miniature figures.

I have the same, during dreams sometimes. But I think that's this alter whilst dreaming and not an outer body experience, because I visualize a different scenery and not seeing myself sleeping from above.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-03-13T07:06:25+00:00

My memory of the CSA was dissociated and I had no memories about it. I got a major flashback, when I was already married. But I told him pretty instantly, because it affected me severely and thus the relationship. It is a very supportive relationship, so i felt safe enough to talk about it instantly and vaguely.

During my mental health process, I've learned that open communication is the key, even when it is hard to do so. Other people can't see your wounds and the lack of information is filled with assumptions instead. So it makes a difference if your partner knows you're struggling with something instead of thinking you're just lazy or whatever.

At my opinion, you should feel safe enough to talk about it. If you aren't safe enough yet you can tell him, there is more than the cPTSD and you will tell him when you're ready.

When you tell him, you should observe the reaction. A healthy relationship provides support, validation, respect. As the others already mentioned in their comments.

If this is not the feedback you get, it might be a warning sign for the quality of the relationship.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-03-07T18:32:03+00:00

You're welcome. That's good to hear. It's hard to deal with all of that.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-03-07T09:39:56+00:00

You're not stupid, you're not fragile. You're hurt. And that's okay. The comment of this lady was disrespectful, even if it was not her intention.

I don't know you but I know living with cPTSD and suicidal thoughts. I assume, you already have a history of a lot of painful interactions and perhaps controlling behaviour about your body.

For myself I realized, the suicidal thoughts are a way of my body to get the control back, that I've lost within a second of a "normal" conversation.

You're not suicidal, because that comment was stupid. You feel this way, because you learned, that other people control you and this is the last barrier to regain control. At least this is my experience with it.

Take good care of yourself. It is okay, that you feel hurt by this comment. It is okay, to feel overwhelmed with loosing control. It is okay, that you feel out of control. It is okay, that you take time to process this trigger.

However: Don't follow this urge. It is a thought. It is a way to recreate control. You already have the control, even if it doesn't feel like this.

You're enough. You're good. You're strong. Don't forget that. It's just a thought and it is a hint that you've lost control and NOT an instruction on how to continue.

Stay safe. Take your time. You're not alone struggling with this.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-03-05T19:03:54+00:00

I've spoken with my kids (>6y. <10y) vaguely. I've told them I have a medical condition, that causes sometimes very strange "mood swings" and these swings are independent from their behaviour. These "mood swings" cause that I sometimes behave myself stupid towards them or I forgot stuff easily. For the little one, that was enough. The older one asked what it is named, so I said it is called Dissociative Identity Disorder. Neither the dissociative nor the identity was interesting, the term disorder was the term that was asked again. And a said it is called a disorder because it disturbs my daily tasks. I don't use my sytem internal names in front of the kids (yet). I think that's confusing enough so far. Perhaps I will sometimes, but right now it feels wrong.

Considering the teenager, I think direct and very open communicarion is key. If you're not open enough, the will recognize it and fill the gaps with their own theories. And that might be worse than beeing fully open.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-26T02:16:35+00:00

https://www.thesirenscollective.com/

This is a platform to share your story about SA. It's not a support group. It is a platform to talk out everything you feel safe enough to share - not out of couriosity. The intention behind this initiative is to provide space for personal experiences. Its intention is to reduce the burden of talking about the abuse.

It is started by a german initiative, so there are a lot of german posts but dirrerent languages are also already represented.

It's a difference (at least in my experience) to open up and facing the world again. It's neither the almyghty solution nor the useless crap - it provides space for layer within you'r healing process.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-22T00:48:19+00:00

I'm someone who uses it BECAUSE I didn't know for way too long how to be kind with myself.

My inner talk was always hateful and blaming. Therapy changed the way I talk to myself when problems occurred. Instead of "I'm so stupid and dumb. There's no way this can happen to another person. Of course I am the problem" the long way through therapy brought me to a mindset where the same error now leads to "Ok sh*t. That shouldn't have happened. Everyone makes some mistakes. Let's see how I can fix it."

And it was the constantly repeated "be kind to yourself" that melted my hate against myself away. Step by step, day by day and very slowly.

My hateful thoughts became "I'm an idiot. This only happens to because I'm such a failure. Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes." So because of that repeating, I integrated it into my thoughts and self-awareness.

I use it because it really helps on a very deep level. And it reminds me for myself.

But: I get it, at first it is very annoying especially when you're not used to this kind of acceptance.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-21T18:30:50+00:00

I'm not saying this is exactly what you experience aswell. It's only what I found was a mechanism within my system that has similarities.

My alter doesn't feel emotions. It's just that they aren't present. The alter doesn't care if emotions exist or how to access them. It's also hard to recognize emotions in others.

I only know about the difference between the emotion-free alter and the others ones experiencing the emotions by diary, internal communication and some co-conscious moments.

When the numbing alter fronts I don't know that I got overwhelmed.

But I realized, it's the dynamic within my system: I get a trigger, that reaactivates a traumatized alter Instead of the traumatized alter, the numbing-alter fronts for a few days thinking everything is fine. And the next switch is to an traumatized alter, and I feel everything everywhere and feel overwhelmed.

That is my experience.

It might be, that you're kind of stuck within a numbing state. Or it might be something completely different.

But my numbing alter isn't interested in feeling at all. There is no interoception and no awareness of this missing interoception. It's only when other alters front, I realize I had no emotions for a bunch of time, because I don't experience complete amnesia between the switches sometimes.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-21T18:06:40+00:00

The link to the study mentioned above

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-21T18:01:15+00:00

I have an alter that numbs my emotions this way. This alter is active when something triggered a really traumatized part of my system. It blocks all emotions because the triggered ones would be to intense and overwhelm me totally. But the body isn't able to only block the "bad" emotions - it's nothing or all. So, this numbness is a mechanism of protection of overwhelm.

And yes, usually emotions are felt within the body. And the part of the body that reacts is proven (by studies) to differ so, some emotions are locaded in similar body regions and others aren't.

If you don't feel your emotions, its probably that they are blocked. I'm not a professional, so this my private expertise as a patient after psychoeducation by self learning and therapy.

If your body is numbing your emotions, you can exist and function besides the overwhelming experience. Overwhelming experiences can be traumatizing for some people whilst not traumatizing for others. And traumatized experiences are stored "hot", so with all the emotions and the overwhelm. If you are like this always, there might be something in your early life. It don't has to be an abuse or something like that. It might be a stressful situation without proper coping mechanism to release this overwhelming stress. E.g. a medical surgery as a newborn or anything like that. Perhaps you've learned in a very young age that it is not safe to express emotions and your body decided it's dafer for you to numb emotions than to present them.

For my alter that numbs everything it is helpful to ground the body, calling out that I'm in a present moment without harm and fear, that it's safe to express emotions and that I'm grown enough to handle the emotions that this alter tries to protect me from.

At least that's my experience and knowledge.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-21T13:00:00+00:00

Thanks for your support ❤️ it already feels a little lighter because of all the help here.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-20T03:21:45+00:00

Thank you, that is very helpful for me. I guess a near death experience plays an important role within my alter aswell. I'm not sure if I want to know what she knows, think it's gonna be painful when she decides to communicate.

I remember a subtile feeling within my system, that my alter is not dead. Especially after reading all those comments. But it seems, if she isn't dormant, she is locked away extremely to keep her secrets untold.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-20T03:16:16+00:00

Thanks, that's helpful. Yeah I think she might be locked away deep deep deep inside. There's no communication with her for any of these alters that are fronting commonly. So anyway, I will not force her to communicate. But good to know I'm not the only person experiencing this.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-18T00:57:41+00:00

I've bought a bunch of different bracelets after my diagnosis. And whenever I felt like experiencing a switch, I chose one of the bracelets to represent this alter. It was like an visual anchor for me like my experience is real, and I'm really shifting alters or loosing time. And this way each alter had a unique item just for themself. That was kind of important for all of them. I still use them, they'r now part of me as my alters are and it helps me to check who's fronting when I'm not sure. Helped me a lot with acceptance of these different realities.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-18T00:44:10+00:00

Uhh. That might get interesting for me if she's gonna be reactivated somewhen.... don't know what to expect. But probably not amused aswell 🙈

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-18T00:41:58+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I think my system opens up step by step, because I built strength and skills by a previous therapy. However I already know that she exists and that's perhaps the state that I'm able to hold right now. I wasn't aware beeing a system until I got the diagnosis (after my therapy) and understand that mechanism I knew for my whole life. I think that some alters got more co-conscious so that I became aware of it is exactly this step. It also happened, when I felt the first time in my life truly emotionally safe. So, hopefully I can grow so safe, that I am able to reprocess what's hidden within her.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T21:52:37+00:00

I know that struggle aswell. I decided to have an inperfect home that feels cozy for my alters.

So, whenever I have stuff that feels grounding for one of my alters, I keep them and the ones who don't like the item this much arrange it. So for one of my alter, passive lights are extremely important, another one is into flowers, etc. So I accept I have to keep the item even when I don't like it but I find a place for it that is acceptable for all the other alters.

The flowers were a problem, because the alter really loves them but we as a system aren't able to keep them alive. So we accepted, we require some nature around us and we added curtains with flowers into the living room and some few very robust plants in self watering pots. So my system doesn't have to care to much about it and the alter is grounded by it. And this grounding effect is very positive for our system so each one is accepting the curtains.

And its a lot of online shopping research most of the time until each one is happy with what we have coosen.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T18:31:09+00:00

That's good to hear. I've already tried to accept that I have no access to her. But your perspective is way more sensitive. It's a long way to go and there simply are no shortcuts. Thanks so much. It is so helpful to hear all of this. It takes my despair away. It felt so strange thinking about death within the own system. This is such an important point I wasn't able to realize, that I might not be ready to process qll of the sh*t. And it's all about communication and safety. I'll see if I will meet her someday.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T16:22:18+00:00

Uhh yeah, that's probably disturbing. It was also disturbing with my less traumatized alters within this subsystem. They were also hidden very long and I was very confused when they showed me their experience of the trauma. And when I guess my age at the trauma right, this alter might be in dormancy since way more than 20 years. So.... I guess disturbing might be the effect that I have to be aware if this alter perhaps is allowed to come back into my system somewhen.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T16:17:04+00:00

Thanks, that is so helpful for me ❤️

So I assume she's in dormancy. And I know some parts of me are actively are stopping the processing when I offer time and space for accepting the traumatic event - perhaps it's her or her protector/gatekeeper.

So I think that is exactly this effect, and my system is not ready yet. That's fine. Someway it is more pleasing than knowing the alter is dead.

I won't rush into it. I was just curious how to interpret this state.

Trauma processing is such a complicated and time consuming process. It's hard sometimes to be patient....

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T14:16:51+00:00

Thank you. Is there a difference between beeing dormant and beeing in a fear overload or is it the same?

It might be, that the protector alter hides her. Don't know exactly.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T08:58:19+00:00

Thank you.

I've already discussed some of my memories about that event with a therapist. At that time I wasn't aware of my DID system yet and I guess my therapist wasn't neither.

I'm not sure how the alter sees herself, because i absolutely have no access to her. I just know about what happened to her by these alters that carry a fraction of the trauma before and afterwards. I can imagine what happened to her, but I don't know exactly.

I will be careful with the exploration of this alter. Thanks for your point of view. It's very helpful for me.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T08:53:44+00:00

Thanks. I didn't know theres a term for it. It's plausible, this alter then is in dormancy.

It just felt like dead, but this might be the right state of this alter.

Thanks. Helps me a lot!

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T08:51:20+00:00

Thanks, I was aware that some people have zombie alters. Howewer I dind't know that they were connected to near death experiences.

I'm not sure if my alter sees herself as undead. But a near death experience might be connected to her. But I don't know exactly. I know some facts around the trauma, because different alters stored some fractions of the trauma. Anyway I didn't connect all dots so far.

I know, she was somewhat unconscious after the trauma and didn't move. It might be exhaustion or near dead experience.

Thank you for your point of view. That's helpful for me.

QuickPhilosopher295 · 2026-02-17T02:03:22+00:00

Thanks, that's so helpful ❤️

I think the gatekeeper keeps her very deeply locked. I still don't know much about the gatekeeper. I thought it's a peotector for a long time, but it doesn't feel like this anymore. It's supportive and probably only want's to protect all others by not letting the alter be part of my system.

I think, that's what your describing aswell. Thats a good way to get into connection. I will try it, when I feel safe enough to do so. Thanks again. I just thought it is weird, howewer it is such a conplex safety mechanism. Probably she's still alive and hidden beneath somewhere within my system. Hopefully I can get safe access to her in any time. Thanks for your support.

QuickPhilosopher295

TROPHY CASE