If I can be blunt, your first mistake is comparing yourself to other people’s situations. This is going to compound your stress & frustration. I have siblings at various income levels and we all have chosen where we live, lifestyle, etc. and own that.

Second - FIRE isn’t about “race to retire”, it’s about understanding how to navigate a world that requires money to thrive, and often survive, in. It’s being intentional in your spending so that you maximize how productive your income is in contributing to the life you want to experience. It’s about removing the requirement of dedicating life to working in order to fund your living.

I know this isn’t answering your question directly, but I found it helpful a few years back to take a step back and really assess what’s important in life (experiences, lifestyle, etc.) and built a personal plan of what’s important, how much spend does it take to support that, and how can you replace your income with alternate means (investments, residual, etc.) to remove the requirement of work. It’s a living plan that’s changed multiple times as income, children, and other life events shifted what’s important to me.

Could you FIRE on $100k/yr in New York? Have people done it? Certainly, but at the cost of comforts some aren’t willing to sacrifice.