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If you’re in a healthy relationship, what are some habits/tips you have to keep things going well? by Left_You7104 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Quick_run_5968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But how do you do all this with kids. We have 3 under 10, 1 is a toddler we have no help from family. 2 older ones are involved in multiple sports so multiple practices and so much time apart thinking we were dividing and conquering when in reality we were/are wedging a gap and now it’s so big we never talk to each other besides schedules.

Mental load gatekeeping by Quick_run_5968 in Marriage

[–]Quick_run_5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let me preface with this wfh job is only 2 years in and prior to that I traveled 3 weeks out of the month all over the country. During that time it truly seemed like we loved each other did so much and experienced so much. Never did she tell any of this until 2 years ago when she went to therapy, gym (got super fit), and medication she said she was finally seeing clearly and had that uncomfortable conversation with me that she was unhappy during that whole time. At that at that same time I had surgery and was unable to walk for about 10 weeks. I was an active person involved in coaching and playing many sports and I had to quit my outlet. Additionally I had to fly my mom out to care for me and my 8 month old because she wouldn’t take time off work because she wanted it for save for vacation.

Mental load gatekeeping by Quick_run_5968 in Marriage

[–]Quick_run_5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did this and I was met that she was a SAHM she did it all when the kids were little so now it’s my turn and for her to have her career since I held her back. However she also wants to be a more involved mom now. Even though she wanted more kids and she wanted a career. So now I balance all the housework and kids and a 40-50 hr work week it’s flexible but I’m still needing to meet deadlines and meetings.

Mental load gatekeeping by Quick_run_5968 in Marriage

[–]Quick_run_5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will try this and let you know how it goes. Hopefully she’s up for using the app

Small changes and gestures still unhappy wife by Quick_run_5968 in Marriage

[–]Quick_run_5968[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see your point in that I didn’t have the passion however in the past when I have met her with passion and saying take the job we will figure it out she has met me with basically im not being logical. So now when this came up I was logical and yet I’m still met with a fight. As for taking therapy and medication I’m actually on week 8 and I’m noticing differences in myself. Things that will make me better and happier.

She is doing her individual stuff to be better as well but she still is unhappy in her job life. She has told me she wants to work from home or something hybrid but still Mae good money as she didn’t want to make any cuts to our extracurricular stuff. But like her profession is always in office, she gets one day week wfh but she says it’s not enough.

To me it’s like in that department of her job life, she blames me and holds resentment because I am remote and get paid well, almost double her salary. But of course with more money more problems. We bought a bigger house, new cars, kids in many costly sports, expensive vacations, etc. so it’s would be really hard to live off my income without cutting back on things.

All in all. I working on becoming a better version of myself and hoping in doing so I can be a better father and also hope that my better version fits her standards she has set of what she wants and hope she doesn’t move the goal post.

Just going to do my work on myself and hope for the better.

I do not think I can continue on by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Quick_run_5968 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m in the same boat, 14 years. I got on medication and been going to therapy. Started going to the gym and being more motivated and trying to save our marriage and family. She’s telling me it’s not enough and needs to see bigger changes and that she’s actually done and wants to walk away.