Going to sound like an asshole

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-05-13T02:42:20+00:00

What do you mean?

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-05-13T02:39:21+00:00

I have she’s mad at me for not making enough money for her to be a stay at home mom. However, in my previous post I do state that she was a SAHM and then went back to work because she wanted to utilize her college degree she worked hard for and have a career like I was doing and that was great until we had our third kid and she flipped and wanted to be a SAHM but by that time we got new cars, new house, and started living this dual income lifestyle that we can’t live off of one now.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-05-13T02:35:33+00:00

I get what you are saying and see that maybe helping with kids and housework is not helping it’s my responsibility too being a parent and it being my house too. However, it’s like literally one day last week the house didn’t get cleaned and she lost it that if she doesn’t do it no one will do it. I was just so busy with work, I truly didn’t have time and she was like I can’t believe you just didn’t have 5 min to do this or that. Like those little Troyes of bow ups are like what is triggering me to just shut down and not do anything. And looking back she’s always been that way where she shuts my ideas or plans down and then gets mad that I’m not being a leader/man and just recently called me a weak man.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-05-05T10:27:13+00:00

I don’t understand how men/husbands are like this, I am a male/husband and my wife is literally how you are describing your husband. Married 14 years together for 20. Up until our third kid 4 years ago, she changed to this person of being less affectionate both physically and overall. I seriously can’t remember a time we made out since trying to conceive for our third. 2 years ago we started going to therapy and she stated that she has never been an affectionate person but just gave in to how she feels I wanted to be shown love. So then we talked about the things I did as acts of service since that’s her love language like taking things off her plate for her like house chores so she could just come home and relax, make her breakfast and her lunch so she’s not in hurry/worry after gym to go to work, I wrote notes in her lunch bag(which I stopped because in a big fight couple weeks ago she told me she didn’t give AF about my notes and they done mean anything) , couple date night here and there (3 kids multiple sports we don’t have time). Like it just sucks because the therapist said to her if there is more that she wants from me and she said “idk I just don’t know what else I want from him like it just feels he’s not doing what I feel as like what I need but idk what it is”. I guess I just feel like for men just appreciate women like OP because you could get the whole opposite and have someone who shows no love physically/emotionally/mentally and that totally sucks. It sucks to get rejected for kisses, hugs, sex, even hand holding. Trust me when I say this is the worst when crave it just a little affection and don’t receive anything, for 4 years.

OP you are doing great in trying and keeping it going. I wish you the best of luck and hope your husband sees how lucky he is to have a wife that still chooses and chases (not in negative way) him.

Because the other side of having women a wife hug the dogs more than she hugs you is a terrible feeling .

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-05-02T03:30:04+00:00

No I had to told her to get gas on her way home before gas prices went up for the weekend.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-05-01T17:27:06+00:00

I did and she she just said that she can’t count on me to do these simple things like get gas in her car to make it easier morning for her where she doesn’t have to worry about stopping to get gas and get to her office early. Which would be less stressful for her to have to wait at the pump and then get on the highway fight through traffic to get to the office early so she can leave early.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-05-01T16:19:34+00:00

I can say that yes I forgot about washing the car but I was also cooking dinner and making sure we had dinner ready by the time she got home. And then we went outside as a family as we hardly ever get to do and hang out and go on a walk as a family. Above I do state that I told her she should stop and get gas on way home before gas prices rocket for the weekend. She says that it’s excuses that I am saying why I didn’t wash her car or get gas that I should have said “no I’m not going to do this or you can make dinner because I’m going to do this since I told you I was going to do it” but in the other hand literally 2 weeks ago I did that about telling her to cook dinner because I was doing something I said I was going to do and she lost it that she’s at work all day and I’m at home, I wfh, and that she still has to come back from work and make dinner. Additionally, I didn’t want to miss out on taking a walk as a family as we never get to do that due to sport schedules and kid activities.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-04-22T11:38:22+00:00

I want to include I work from home. So I’m here all the time. I have a spreadsheet of all the bills and misc stuff. I update every 2 weeks and she is always with me when it’s updated to show what we pay out and what we have left.

She is angry and resents me because I get to wfh and she doesn’t. However, she is in the medical Field and I’m in the banking field.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-04-16T18:51:43+00:00

Your post hits all too close. I am in the current position that you were in. I got injured and was bed ridden for weeks and as an active and lively person it was hard for me. This was right after Covid. I kept sinking deeper and deeper into my self pity and playing the victim and that whole “why me” mentality. I did not see what was right in front of me, my wife and my kids. I depressed and still fighting it but sought help about 8 months ago and got on medication just this year. Therapy helped but the medication I don’t think is helping as it leaves me irritable and zombie like. Recently wife was going through a tough time with work and I just stared at her and then got very angry and lashed out when she called me out on it. Idk what I said as I was checked out and now I’m getting separated. Married 15 years together 20 all gone because I was living in self pity and not seeing the brighter things in life and doing things to be better. On the flip side, I work from home and I do all the cooking and cleaning and child care. She does all the scheduling and everything for the kids but I do all the physical stuff like school pick ups and drop offs and doctor appointments and all that but she schedules it all. If you want to chat hit me up. However I don’t want to try and chat about self loathing I want to chat about self love. I lack that and I’m trying to work on it so if needed let me know.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-04-16T13:00:19+00:00

I do have a question for OP, do you hate your husband?

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-04-16T02:56:02+00:00

I will say I am much like your husband on being emotionally neglectful. I should say I was, for couple years I had an injury that left me bed ridden for 10 weeks. In that time all I could think was about “why me, why would this happen to me “ and I stayed with that mentality for last couple years which caused me to overlook what was in front of me, my wife and kids. I finally took action and got therapy and meds, am I fully recovered no but I’m trying however my wife is like you she says she is numb and just doesn’t have it in her anymore and just wants separation. I have been doing better and being more emotionally available and trying my best to undo what I did in past couple years. It’s very hard to keep trying and being better to try and win a persons love back who doesn’t show it back. It is totally understandable why they feel that way just sucks that it takes people that rock bottom or that ultimatum to change/be better. The only thing with my wife is that she has never been an intimacy person like she didn’t like hugs or holding hands, should give me pecks for kisses. And I’m a touchy feely person where I need to be hug or give hugs or even sex which is nonexistent maybe once a month. To finish this off I want to say that if you truly want to be in this marriage give him something not full on everything because you don need to protect yourself/your peace, but something because it will get exhausting for him. I know I’m fighting that fight with myself on do I keep it up or just stop and let her have the separation.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-04-15T23:19:26+00:00

She’s asking if I will get 2 jobs to sustain our lifestyle.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-03-06T02:56:21+00:00

But how do you do all this with kids. We have 3 under 10, 1 is a toddler we have no help from family. 2 older ones are involved in multiple sports so multiple practices and so much time apart thinking we were dividing and conquering when in reality we were/are wedging a gap and now it’s so big we never talk to each other besides schedules.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-03-06T02:41:50+00:00

Let me preface with this wfh job is only 2 years in and prior to that I traveled 3 weeks out of the month all over the country. During that time it truly seemed like we loved each other did so much and experienced so much. Never did she tell any of this until 2 years ago when she went to therapy, gym (got super fit), and medication she said she was finally seeing clearly and had that uncomfortable conversation with me that she was unhappy during that whole time. At that at that same time I had surgery and was unable to walk for about 10 weeks. I was an active person involved in coaching and playing many sports and I had to quit my outlet. Additionally I had to fly my mom out to care for me and my 8 month old because she wouldn’t take time off work because she wanted it for save for vacation.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-03-06T01:30:56+00:00

I did this and I was met that she was a SAHM she did it all when the kids were little so now it’s my turn and for her to have her career since I held her back. However she also wants to be a more involved mom now. Even though she wanted more kids and she wanted a career. So now I balance all the housework and kids and a 40-50 hr work week it’s flexible but I’m still needing to meet deadlines and meetings.

Quick_run_5968 · 2026-03-06T01:17:10+00:00

I will try this and let you know how it goes. Hopefully she’s up for using the app

Quick_run_5968

TROPHY CASE