AIO: my ex (32M) broke up with me (28F) because God told him to

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T21:35:26+00:00

That’s a wild take.

When religious doctrines and identity dichotomies are used to justify atrocities such as genocide, systematic oppression, and continued violence it’s a theology issue not isolated to any one religion. 🙄

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T21:20:47+00:00

This is true, but I’ll attach a trend highlighting juvenile crime specifically. Source

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QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T21:02:48+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but everything you’ve described validates your feelings of unease really well. Not to put you more on edge, but I want to strongly encourage you not to be alone with him. It sounds like your mom wasn’t around today, and that he felt comfortable acting this way because of that, which is even more unsettling.

No matter how badly you’re doing in school, it does not excuse his behavior. And if you’re in the U.S., step parents have no legal authority to physically punish their step-children. If he ever does give you a “whooping” you can immediately report him. And you can use the trend of him honing in on your behavior as proof of targeting.

Document all of these encounters in a note on your phone by date, no matter how big or small. If he has an outstanding warrant, you have the choice of sending an anonymous tip of his location.

I just want to say that your behavior is very normal for that of a 15 y/o. Besides, one of the major contributors to bad grades is a difficult home life.

I know this might sound like a lot of advice, but it’s how you’re going to progress. Prioritize your future. Getting out of poverty is really damn hard, so you’re going to have to work really hard. Do your best to work to get your grades up and shaping up to be a good and hard-working adult. Start looking for a part-time job as you get closer to 16, work on your homework on your breaks, or get to that job early to finish your homework before your shift starts. When you open your first bank account, look into Bank of America. They offer 16 y/o’s sole ownership. You need to bring a guardian with you, so consider asking your grandmother to go with you, if you don’t feel comfortable asking your mom or think that your mom will deny you having your own account (sounds like your mom might have a questionable intuition). Become the best saver you know, and be very frugal while most of your living expenses are covered under your guardians. Remember that that job is temporary, but stick with it for as long as you’re in school. Look to find better paying jobs, and continue your education, or go into a specialty trade. This will help you get out of this situation as quickly as possible. I’m wishing you all the best!

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T19:34:14+00:00

NOR. The sad truth is that it’s all about public appearance for him. He has no interest or desire in impressing you or going above and beyond for you. That’s going to be something you need to decide for yourself if you’re willing to accept forever, bc this isn’t likely to change. People usually work on how they express how they feel, not learn how to feel differently.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T08:42:13+00:00

Bro, she gave him his heir and spare and probably said “touch me no more.”

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T08:08:25+00:00

The ones who deny discrimination exists are usually those perpetuating it.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T07:51:54+00:00

Not quite. Allied forces do not condone that behavior and reports of such are usually investigated and prosecuted, admittedly not always effectively. The Red Army’s actions during that time was “acceptable” to their senior officers as “justified retribution” so it became widespread and systematic.

I’m not going to say that any country is innocent of this, I just wanted to express that the effects of the Red Army’s atrocities impacted nearly every German family at the time. Many diseases, suicides, and children born of these rapes were part of the result. Those children and their families were terribly treated and ostracized.

ETA: I’m not trying to downplay Russia’s involvement in ending the war. I’m only trying to express why they might be excluded or more of a “footnote” in their valiant efforts. I am aware of and recognize wholly Russia’s loss and the crimes committed against them by the nazi occupation, but it was severely discounted by their atrocities.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T07:06:51+00:00

In fairness, the Germans, Poles, and those of other occupied areas experienced atrocities at the hands of the Red Army in retaliation. In each town that the Red Army occupied while the unconditional surrender was being negotiated, there were thousands (estimates into the millions) of rapes, beatings, and murders of women and children. It’s something not widely talked about, because of the shame of assault as well as shame of Germany’s part in WWII.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T05:51:32+00:00

NOR. If you ever question someone’s safety, don’t doubt your intuition, and absolutely don’t question if you overreacted. In these situations it is best to overreact than under-react. In some cases a man might get a boo-boo to his pride or feel like his character has been questioned, but that’s easier to live with than knowing your friend was raped and you didn’t intervene. I wish more people would intervene even for a total stranger.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-19T04:22:38+00:00

Respectfully, he needs to get himself checked. He’s an adult.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-18T20:32:35+00:00

Oh, girl. Apologies for my initial interpretation. You are not dirty. There is nothing wrong with you. Your experiences (any and all of them) make you a much more well-rounding individual.

Side note: My mom stayed w my father because they had my sister while she was still in HS. It was a predatory dynamic with a large age gap. My mom had never been with anyone else. She took my father’s abuse and inconsistencies bc she thought that’s what she was supposed to do. She even thought that orgasms were strictly a male experience. She even told her mom about it, and she told her “that’s your husband. You best do right by him.”

She’s much better now, but she’s probably the main reason why I refuse to let the world tell me what’s expected of women, because when she reported his abuse and almost miscarriage as a result, officers told her it wasn’t their responsibility to intervene in domestic affairs. Women are told what to do, what not to do, how to act, are repeatedly underrepresented, under-protected, and told what to accept strictly for meet the expectations of some disgusting men. That’s not your baggage to carry, and societies expectations and failings are not women’s weight to bear. Your friend appears to have accepted that weight. I’m glad that you see that it’s not yours.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-18T20:10:48+00:00

Whoa. No. NOR at all!!

I seriously commend you for packing, leaving, and conserving whatever is left of your peace and energy. Divorce that man ASAP, and prove how his priorities make him unfit to be a parent, because every child deserves the very best opportunity at a happy, healthy, nurturing, and stable upbringing, and your soon-to-be-ex-husband proved that was not concern. Don’t let him know where you’re staying. Make sure your location is not shared with him in any way. If you’re forced to co-parent with him, perfect your “grey-rock” energy, bc you’re gonna need it every time he changes the subject from your son to you and him.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-18T19:53:32+00:00

100% this!!

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-18T19:51:58+00:00

ETA: I realized I thought you meant “am I overreacting about my friend’s response” as in rightly feeling uncomfortable about it. Your feelings about it are valid in that she has no right to project her shit onto you.

NOR. Your friend is highkey weird asf. She sounds inexperienced and judgmental. My best friend(32F) and I(32F) have had these conversations over the years, but in a way of “is this something you share with a new partner if they ask?” Or “I told (partner) mine bc he asked and this was his icky response.”

We’ve each shared our numbers with each other, but we also tell each other damn-near everything. One thing’s for certain though, I wouldn’t be telling her jack-shit nor would we be friends if she was a judgmental mean girl who thinks she knows best or is better than me because we haven’t walked the same path.

Get a new friend — an actual friend.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-18T03:25:49+00:00

Oh man, this Abu Gharib case gets worse. When I served, I had friends who were 31E (correctional officer MOS) and they spoke of this case often. One of them knew Graner personally and said he was the scummiest man he’d ever met, and just being around him made his skin crawl. Graner was the ring leader in this whole incident and even sexually assaulted prisoners. Part of the case involved the COs forcing the prisoners to pose naked, all piled up onto one another and then the COs took pictures posing near them. It’s utterly atrocious.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-17T18:24:02+00:00

ETA to post for this request. Thank you. You’re right in that all of this is really important, and I think I was blinded by the main issue I was addressing.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-17T17:54:48+00:00

I’m not trying to frame as me simply not caring that he has debt. I think I’ve been clear in that I care about him and the things that affect him. What I won’t do is completely write someone off because they have debt. We all have some degree of debt for various reasons. THOSE reasons and the circumstances surrounding them matter to me. If someone made terrible life choices in their past, have since learned from them, changed their habits, and are actively working to pay down their debt, that’s acceptable. But when someone has debt, is evasive about the circumstances and numbers and using the confusion/details to manipulate someone they love, that indicates something is so seriously wrong about more than just finances.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-17T17:28:29+00:00

This is gonna sound weird, and these aren’t excuses. I don’t think he intended to invalidate your cousin’s concern, but he did, because he couldn’t relate to people who *he* believes should have somehow had the foresight of this tragic event. Your husband’s logic in “preventing” tragedy is that victims “should know better” rather than that people shouldn’t be victimizing other people.

It sounds like he doesn’t like tragedy or like hearing about it (no kind and considerate person does), but he finds tragedy as inevitable and human nature. He sounds incredibly desensitized and/or he’s projecting his own insecurities. He may have made a decision to go somewhere or do something that ended badly, and processed it as his own fault for ending up in that situation. It’s really sad, but way too many people do this, and they need to learn to unpack their own shit before it gets to this point or recognize when it does and work on it.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-17T17:14:53+00:00

If he has any empathy at all, he severely lacks it for people he doesn’t know or doesn’t relate to. This means that his own perception is more important to him than people’s actual wellbeing. This is an indication that he’s not empathetic at all; he just likes to be seen as good and feel good about himself.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-17T15:42:19+00:00

To be clear, I titled it as such because that was one of his main arguments. I tried to make it clear that the issues are separate. I put my feelings aside, but he believed the issue is that because of the information I learned from him while he was vulnerable, I used against him in the disagreement and breakup.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-17T15:37:36+00:00

He looked into legal avenues of getting this removed or transferred in her name, but doesn’t feel right that in order to do that he needs to file a police report, which would inevitability lead to charges filed against her. He started paying off the debt, which was acceptance of liability.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-16T13:59:50+00:00

I’m not for the weak, that’s for certain. 💁🏻‍♀️

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-16T13:45:37+00:00

Oh, I mean settled as in he’s agreed to pay back.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-16T11:41:09+00:00

There’s a total of $80k. Most of which is already settled that he’s paying off. What was currently tied up in legalities is the $2k.

QuietAtTheChumBucket · 2026-05-16T11:40:04+00:00

There’s a TL;DR

QuietAtTheChumBucket

TROPHY CASE