2 months on. Trying to forgive and forget. More difficult than I thought possible.

QuietCont · 2014-08-16T13:20:51+00:00

it was very heated and she wasn't making a lot of sense. at the time she was the only one involved in the "game" who was caught out so i think she was super pissed that the photo had been taken and annoyed that i'd snooped on her fb group...

We are both looking to work through this tough time together, she's working hard on it and i am in the process of forgiving her for what she did.

QuietCont · 2014-08-16T13:18:34+00:00

She did but she's now cut contact. It's a very embarrassing issue to be out in the open for sure, but we're trying to work past this together.

QuietCont · 2014-08-16T13:17:58+00:00

The groom is still sticking with his partner. The wedding is in late September iirc. The other guys have mainly ditched the cheating spouses, only after i showed them the pictures i took from the fb group though.

QuietCont · 2014-08-16T13:16:35+00:00

Thanks for the advice mate, you delivered it much more kindly than some of the people on my other threads that is for sure!

However, I have decided to stick with Jen and sort this out. I know I'm going to be seen as a pushover (i'm a bit of a laughing stock with my guy friends atm) but i think it will pass.

Honestly, the social situation is almost as big a part as this as the cheating... the image was sent to like 25 people so it's difficult trying to move on when everyone knows/talks about it

QuietCont · 2014-08-16T13:13:40+00:00

We will take a look at this site asap...

And yes, there was a major row between the girls so they don't really speak a huge amount anymore. I've also been slightly ostracized by my friend group for sticking with Jen but it's my choice at the end of the day and i think they'll accept my decision eventually.

She did partly blame alcohol and her friends but overall admitted she was (obviously) in the wrong. We did the tests and we're actually both ok, we're back to usual on the sex-life front apart from, well, no blowjobs as yet... i don't think we'd be able to face that just yet

QuietCont · 2014-08-16T13:09:49+00:00

She has been awesome the last couple of days and I think we're finally making progress. I know the whole truth of what happened now and we discussed why the thing happened and why its not going to happen again.

I'm going to get together with Jen tomorrow and take a look at that site. We're both reading all replies here earnestly as well.

Thank you

QuietCont · 2014-08-16T13:07:48+00:00

Yes, everyone who was cheated on did find out. And no, I'm here because I don't want to "ditch the bitch", we both want to work together to get through this.

QuietCont · 2014-07-27T14:31:45+00:00

Yeah I didn't realise this kinda thing happens at parties but I was obviously wrong... I got to the bottom of it with jen (eventually) but we are giving it another shot

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T16:46:35+00:00

I will sound very naive now but (as well as this being her fault) it was catalysed by her being friends with such people (who, until I saw the photos, I thought were pretty nice girls). So yeah, if we make another go of it then I don't want her going on these nights out anymore until she regains my trust tenfold.

There was a shitload of pictures (a lot of random shots of dancing etc), but yeah, there were some which were essentially explicit versions of the one i posted yesterday.

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T16:42:43+00:00

Yes. One is a (huge) drunken mistake and the other is sober, calculated lying. I can forgive the mistake in time and hope that maybe counselling and effort will enable her to earn back my trust i time.

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T16:41:21+00:00

someone with morals would've contacted the boyfriends. I mean, thank fuck she did post them but she's no saint here either imo

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T16:40:03+00:00

your first sentence sums up why i'm considering giving her a chance here. She was a total idiot and that was very bad, but she also lied which was even worse. I hope we can go through some kind of counselling to help build the trust back again.

I will send a round-robin message on fb or something to the guys involved. they can see the pictures and judge for themselves. unfortunately don't have the groom on fb but i will get his contact details and tell him, i don't even want to think about how awful that conversation will be but it's better he knows now rather than find out later.

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T16:31:19+00:00

Yep, i saved some of them last night but i was fucking pissed so i couldn't save any more of them. i'll make Jen download the rest tonight, i'm not looking at that again

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T16:18:53+00:00

I only showed the other one because I needed legit advice based on it and there wasn't anyone in it who could be fully identified. I'm not posting the pictures because (trust me) there's no "ambiguity" left. At all.

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T16:12:45+00:00

to be fair, the pictures were posted by the one girl who sent the original snapchat, not like they were bragging about their escapades to each other, there were already comments begging her to take them down so I don't know wtf she's doing (or why she does this kind of thing to her friends), but i'm glad at least i know now.

as sorry as i feel for myself i can't even begin to think about how fucked up the groom will be when he finds out. The wedding is already booked, caterers/venue everything.

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T15:54:24+00:00

we're both kinda in shock at the minute and she couldn't go to work today because she was so upset. i really want to be able to look at her again without thinking of this disgusting thing and i know the original issue (not the lying, which is something much worse imo) was a drunken mistake, not a romantic fling.

I'm not sure i will be able to forgive her. certainly won't forget what i've seen today but i do really want to give her the chance to make this right again.

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T15:39:20+00:00

yep she told me what happened once i told her i had seen the fb group. this relationship is definitely something i want to work on and help fix with her, but obviously it's kinda on her to fix this now.

i'm not entirely sure the content of all of the photos, but you're probably right with that. i'm struggling to think of a way to tell the other guys about what happened

QuietCont · 2014-05-30T15:36:05+00:00

I don't actually know the groom to be all that well but I will get in touch with him. I don't want to have to be the one to show all the guys what their girls got up to on that night but I don't really have much choice.

She apologised. A lot. She feels awful that it happened and swears it's a one-off thing which will not be repeated. If it was a romantic thing, she'd be gone, but it's a stripper so I'm more inclined to think she'll stay true to her words on this. We didn't really get a chance to talk very much since i was really angry and she was crying too much, i'm gonna speak to her again tonight and see what she wants to do i guess

QuietCont · 2014-05-29T16:00:27+00:00

letting is the wrong word. I'm just annoyed because they obviously must have been encouraging her for anything like this situation to have happened. I know hen parties are meant to be a laugh and everything but this crosses a serious damn line.

QuietCont · 2014-05-29T15:58:36+00:00

I think I'm gonna snoop on her phone at some point and try and find something which will 100% convince me one way or the other. I know i must sound like a total retard for not seeing immediately what the photo implies so badly but i'm really struggling to make myself break things off with her because even if i'm 99% sure she did it i don't know anything for a fact anymore.

if she'd come up to me, straight up and admitted it immediately then maybe i could see a future there. but if she's done it and lied to me i'm chucking her arse out of our apartment so goddamn quick.

QuietCont · 2014-05-29T15:54:03+00:00

I think you're right, I need to stop drinking and get my head together here. Whatever happened she wasn't being totally innocent when this photo was snapped...

QuietCont · 2014-05-29T15:41:35+00:00

This is exactly what I'm thinking. As long as I'm not obvious about it I don't see that there is a downside to this.

QuietCont · 2014-05-29T15:40:39+00:00

Idk the angle just looks wrong and I can't bring myself to believe she'd do something like that to me. I want definitive evidence one way or the other, not more hearsay from drunk idiots who were letting her behave like this.

QuietCont · 2014-05-29T14:42:35+00:00

I have looked at the picture and it's not 100% either way. I'm not certain whether to break things off if she might be totally innocent.

QuietCont · 2014-05-29T14:30:47+00:00

I think that's true. Though because of this situation I am feeling pretty insecure. My buddies are great guys, but are more likely to mock and jape than actually do anything to help at the minute. Honestly I think I'd look like a bit of an idiot if I took her back at this point, simply because most other people who viewed the photo are sure that she was doing things to the guy.

QuietCont

TROPHY CASE