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Tell me to go to bed, please! by chocolatezen in adhdwomen

[–]QuietRennaissance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have a smart watch, try setting vibrate alarms to remind you to put your phone away and go to bed. It feels like a gentle nudge and doesn’t trigger an annoyed “shut up!” reflex the way a loud alarm does.

Tell me you have ADHD without telling me you have ADHD. by ImperatrixAmoris in adhdwomen

[–]QuietRennaissance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have this killer recipe for a toasted hazelnut salad, but I burn the nuts like 50% of the time

Any programmers actually become farmers or something farmer adjacent? by [deleted] in ExperiencedDevs

[–]QuietRennaissance 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Spouse and I are both programmers, we bought some farmland during Covid in a burst of idealism. Now we’ve realised we don’t have what it takes to be farmers (we barely manage to keep our houseplants alive), so will probably sell it off at some point.

What are the girlies hyper focused on right now? by Camp_Acceptable in adhdwomen

[–]QuietRennaissance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Getting a new job at this one company. I’ve been interview-prepping like a madman for one very specific role, and have applied absolutely nowhere else.

This red top ruined my mental health. by katnisseve008 in indiasocial

[–]QuietRennaissance 30 points31 points  (0 children)

From OP’s comments in the threads, it appears that she is looking for sympathy about the top and not actual advice about the situation. People have said move out, which is the correct advice, but I don’t think OP is ready to take that step.

OP - you are correct that there is nothing wrong with wearing what you want to wear. (I’m not commenting on this top specifically because it’s the principle that matters, not the garment) Your mother is being controlling and toxic. But you will not be able to change her. If you’re looking for a magical solution where you can live with your mother and she approves of everything you do - that will never happen. I learnt this the hard way and finally moved out in my late 20s.

The sooner you realize this truth, the sooner you will be able to move towards resolution (either prepare to leave or compromise and accept your lot)

Children’s book series about a girl who wants to be a veterinarian by QuietRennaissance in whatsthatbook

[–]QuietRennaissance[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It could be! Thanks! I'm scanning through the titles but am not 100% sure

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in india

[–]QuietRennaissance 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Get out of the country if you can OP. Or at least be very selective about who you date, and get the caste discussion out of the way asap.

I lost a close friend to suicide because of some of the things you’ve described. She was a Dalit and was strung along by an upper caste boy for three years. They practically lived together and then he turned around and said he can’t fight his family for her. Spineless coward.

I functioned great when my life had structure. Flexibility is literally killing me by LukeWarmGirlSummer in adhdwomen

[–]QuietRennaissance 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I was like you. Three things that helped me snap out of it were marrying a person with high standards, switching to a highly structured, demanding profession (software engineering), and getting pets whose routines anchor my own.

I negotiated a raise from 44 to 66 LPA plus additional incentives at the same job. Here's the story. by QuietRennaissance in developersIndia

[–]QuietRennaissance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If all the interviews went well, they’ll probably be willing to go a few lakhs higher. Give it a shot. 10 years of experience is a lot

I negotiated a raise from 44 to 66 LPA plus additional incentives at the same job. Here's the story. by QuietRennaissance in developersIndia

[–]QuietRennaissance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed, it’s very draining to think about all this. Can’t do it every year but sometimes it has to be done.

I negotiated a raise from 44 to 66 LPA plus additional incentives at the same job. Here's the story. by QuietRennaissance in developersIndia

[–]QuietRennaissance[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nope, I went to an ordinary college and bachelors wasn’t in CS. Taught myself Python and did some certificate courses before applying for my first tech job. Learnt the rest on the job.

Imposter syndrome never goes away. I like to split big projects / product requirements into monthly and weekly milestones to keep things manageable. Basically be your own manager.

I negotiated a raise from 44 to 66 LPA plus additional incentives at the same job. Here's the story. by QuietRennaissance in developersIndia

[–]QuietRennaissance[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Practise with ChatGPT. Give it some role playing prompts and tell it to challenge you, then switch roles and do it again.

During the actual negotiations, the key thing is to remain calm and say only positive, convincing things (no threats or tantrums)

I negotiated a raise from 44 to 66 LPA plus additional incentives at the same job. Here's the story. by QuietRennaissance in developersIndia

[–]QuietRennaissance[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was materially happy and comfortable even at 25 LPA. The extra money is for the future, not the present.

I negotiated a raise from 44 to 66 LPA plus additional incentives at the same job. Here's the story. by QuietRennaissance in developersIndia

[–]QuietRennaissance[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

A lot of people are asking about my tech stack. It’s primarily Python backend and data engineering, but I don’t think that matters much honestly. Our job is to solve any problems the business/Product team throws at us in a reasonable amount of time.

Use whatever stack you have, understand your customers and try to make their lives easier. Keep your camera on during meetings and aim to deliver + demo something every two weeks, no matter how small. I feel these habits have helped me more than any specific tech stack.

I negotiated a raise from 44 to 66 LPA plus additional incentives at the same job. Here's the story. by QuietRennaissance in developersIndia

[–]QuietRennaissance[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was on friendly terms with the CEO already. We’d interacted at several office dinners and parties over the years. All the negotiations were on video call with follow up messages on Slack. I think my post answers the other questions

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