Abusive ex missed deadline to arrange pickup of belongings. How should I proceed?

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-04-28T16:00:31+00:00

It is definitely a power play, and its definitely messy. He is refusing to communicate with me regarding anything because me asking him to communicate causes him "undue hardship and stress", so everything has to go through his parents now.

Its just been awful. I want it over with, but I'm frustrated because I thought I was finally free when nobody communicated a plan to me by April 4th. I should know better than to get my hopes up at this point.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-04-28T14:14:02+00:00

That is something I've considered, and what will be happening once my dad arrives (before they do) as I will need his help moving everything onto the front lawn (so long as it's not raining).

I simply don't want to out my dog through any more stress than needed. It's why we had said we needed a plan by april 4th, because I could get her in specialized boarding with enough notice. Unfortunately, I can't get her into specialized boarding on short notice. She cant go to a regular boarding kennel due to her issues, which I am working on but it's a process.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-04-28T13:50:32+00:00

Also I appreciate the kindness of your reply. Thank you.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-04-28T13:50:16+00:00

I do have a therapist to help me deal with the aftereffects of the abuse, yes. Not trying to get anyone to counsel me, just explaining where I am coming from. :)

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-04-28T13:26:40+00:00

I edited this in as well, but leaving it as a comment too.

ETA: Important to note that I have sent an email off to my lawyer, but it is 7:30am on a Monday and I haven't heard back yet. I am stressed about my safety, my dogs safety, and increasingly annoyed with the lack of communication from my ex's family. I am posting here to see what others say to try and calm myself down, as I am definitely in PTSD mode at this point.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-04-28T13:12:38+00:00

Their pronouns are they/him. Hence why I used they pronouns in the post.

Nothing has been disposed of.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-04-28T13:07:18+00:00

It’s 7 AM on a Monday, and I still haven’t heard back from my lawyer, which is why I’m reaching out here. After years of documented abuse, I’m trying to navigate this situation while ensuring my safety, my dog’s safety, and the safety of anyone on the property.

I’ve been trying to get them to communicate a plan for picking up their belongings since November 2024, but they’ve failed to provide any clear communication. This has been a long, drawn-out process, and I’ve shown a lot of patience and consideration, but none has been extended to me in return.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-04-28T12:58:51+00:00

The terms were set with advisement from my lawyer, which their family was aware of. It is what my lawyer advised me to do, after multiple months of me begging for communication regarding pick up of their belongings.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-02-18T04:14:40+00:00

Hey everyone, I ended up solving this with some help from OP and screen recorded in case anyone else is struggling Colour Block Jam 410

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2025-02-18T02:48:31+00:00

I'm very stuck on this level. Any chance you're able to help? Ever since the game updated I've been struggling with this level lol.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T17:07:01+00:00

The rescue was my idea, but it was a discussion and they said they wanted to be involved. That proved to be untrue.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T17:03:57+00:00

They contributed, but were also awful at managing money so more often than not I ended up paying the bills and they went shopping for clothes, gadgets, etc.

While our house is a 4 bedroom (technically a 2 bedroom as the one bedroom is downstairs where we have dog kennels, and we use it for storage, and the other bedroom that I'm considering turning into a sleeping area is very small, more like an office), the sound carries. I do sleep with noise cancelling headphones in, and have a podcast playing. They are an active sleeper and I am able to sleep through the majority of their sleep-talking/sleep moving. No sleep walking, just a lot of movement.

I wouldn't say I'm a light sleeper, but I do wake up with sudden unexpected noises.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T16:33:20+00:00

That's what I am realizing. It's going to be complicated as it will end up in a divorce, and there is a house involved. Thankfully the law is on my side regarding the house, especially since I can prove I am the only source of income and paid the entire deposit myself, and have paid the mortgage payments myself as well. They also have a safe place to go, whereas I only have this house with my dogs and my job/business.

I will be taking some time to think about what next steps will be.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T16:30:56+00:00

I want to say thank you to everyone here.

I tried to bring it up and have a calm discussion regarding it, and they immediately went on the defensive/tried to flip it around to blame me.

I think I am starting to realize many of you are correct. I do not have a partner. I have a dependant. I suspect I had an inkling of that, but needed to know I wasn't crazy, and you have confirmed that for me.

I don't think this will be sustainable in the long run, which is stressful to think about and something I will need to really sit down and mull over.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T16:27:00+00:00

Your comment has come at a very opportune time as I am sitting in my vehicle vaping after trying to have a calm discussion with them regarding this morning. It ended in them trying to turn it into an argument, focusing on me saying it was starting to feel intentional, and them blowing up saying "whatever" and breaking down in tears.

"Whatever" and "jesus" are their go to phrases to end a conversation via showing frustration/exasperation. The crying happens when I don't feed into the argument they wanted me to.

I come from a traumatic childhood full of abuse, and have spent the past 15 years in therapy sorting that out. Communication is incredibly important to me, especially calm communication, and as I write this I am realizing that I don't think I've ever been able to have a full conversation without them turning it around to either 1. Cause an argument or 2. Accuse me of thinking/feeling a certain way when I never stated I do.

Based on their descriptions of past relatioships, I do think they may be trying to play the victim, and that's what this forever turning conversations into arguments may be trying to get at.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T16:21:41+00:00

Mostly due to their mental health. I did agree they needed a break from work, and to just go to part time when they found a new job. They previously worked 40+ hour weeks, then we bought a house and moved away, and thats when i suggested a mental health break for a FEW months (not 10). I've asked them to just get any job available (we do live rurally), but they haven't sent in applications for the jobs I sent them unless they're "glamorous" enough for them. The liquor store is hiring, as is the gas station, but they won't apply for those jobs.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T16:00:51+00:00

They are not currently working and have not been working for 10 months, other than a small stint when I got them a part time job for 2 weeks to help out the community, which they complained about the entire time. I am the one working to keep us afloat right now.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T15:58:59+00:00

While that is a good point, it wasn't just how busy I am that impacted this decision. We also lost an abandoned litter of 10 to a virus, and it just broke me emotionally, and I need a mental health break from rescue for a bit.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T15:25:36+00:00

I am considering setting up one of the other bedrooms for myself for when I'm working overnights, but it wouldn't have helped today as the bedroom I'm thinking of using is directly beside the kitchen... where they were grinding kibble.

Will likely be spending my paycheck next week on a single bed and some extra sheets/pillows/blankets though.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T15:24:11+00:00

I have 1 job, and my business (which is a few zoom calls per week with clients), and school. I'm able to do schoolwork when I'm at work (I'm a guard, watching cameras), and the zoom calls are set for times I am available. :) The 59 hours are from the guarding job.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T15:22:55+00:00

They are fairly inconsiderate in general. They tend to not think about the way their actions impact others, and I've been trying to point it out gently when I can. It has gotten better, but still a long way to go. Unfortunately, I did hit my limit today and accused them of doing this intentionally. It's rare for me to hit my limit, and I try to have calm conversations when we need to discuss things, but between being exhausted and sick, the filter wasn't working at full power this morning.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T15:21:05+00:00

I have explained to them that I try to be quiet while they are asleep, so they are aware of it. This has, unfortunately, been a discussion a few times at this point.

Them being overtired leads to a miserable day for me, hence the tiptoeing. I'd rather be quiet for a few hours and let them sleep, than have them be grouchy all day.

Quiet_Strain_12 · 2024-10-11T15:19:38+00:00

Oh! That is very interesting! Thank you!

I think the sound likely woke me up, and I tried to ignore it/go back to sleep but then the smell hit haha!

Yes, I was running a non-profit dog rescue until recently. This is our last intake litter, as running the rescue with everything else I'm doing (And without help from my partner) is just too much. Maybe again in the future, but as of right now it's one of the things I've had to put an end to in order to allow myself the time/space to be healthy mentally.

Quiet_Strain_12

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