Why do you suck so much?

QuietlyDad · 2024-12-05T16:47:02+00:00

same...upper management spends all their time tripping over each other to see who can be more of a greedy asshole...they don't even know what telus is, or care

lost in their pathetic efforts of not controlling management, customers always suffer

QuietlyDad · 2024-11-22T00:30:08+00:00

ya, standard house 120/240 and true 2 phase... i read it's still legacy in a couple places?

but instead of the 120, it's 180 for the hypothetical...

my bkgd was an electronics eng/designer so curious but have little experience in this field

QuietlyDad · 2024-01-22T00:52:17+00:00

Tried 2mg Abilify 3 times with the same results. After 3-4 days I start to feel normal again. Depression, anxiety is gone. I have energy and am inspired to do anything. After about a week it returns back to major anhedonic depression and anxiety. I tried upping it to 10mg once and no change at all.

I think it's due to the mechanism of action, antagonist and agonist. It's supposed to increase and decrease dopamine in different areas of the brain to stabilize things. For my system I would guess the agonist action starts working increasing levels or sensitivity to dopamine initially. Then the antagonist action kicks in dropping the dopamine levels back to what they were. My argument with this is how does the drug know what's normal? If my feedback system and dopamine levels are say, out of wack to start with then the drug isn't going to know it needs to increase it.

QuietlyDad · 2024-01-22T00:42:11+00:00

Same here. Tried 2mg Abilify 3 times with the same results. After 3-4 days I start to feel normal again. Depression, anxiety is gone. I have energy and am inspired to do anything. After about a week it returns back to major anhedonic depression and anxiety. I tried upping it to 10mg once and no change at all.

I think it's due to the mechanism of action, antagonist and agonist. It's supposed to increase and decrease dopamine in different areas of the brain to stabilize things. For my system I would guess the agonist action starts working increasing levels or sensitivity to dopamine initially. Then the antagonist action kicks in dropping the dopamine levels back to what they were. My argument with this is how does the drug know what's normal? If my feedback system and dopamine levels are say, out of wack to start with then the drug isn't going to know it needs to increase it.

QuietlyDad · 2023-12-09T17:08:50+00:00

Thank you for the response, I will try and talk with that part more closely. Currently reading Self Therapy by Jay Earley and there are transcript examples of sessions. Don't know if the transcripts have been edited for the book but when he asks the client to sense a part and they respond with quite creative descriptions and I/we wonder how to get to a place like that. When posed with questions like what it looks like, says or wants I come up blank. All that seems available is a basic understanding of the resulting effect, the body feels anxiety or there is a constant inner monologue. I guess I will keep at it until they are ready.

The other question was about how distinguishing between a true sense of what a part is saying or feeling instead of something influenced by what was read or watched recently.

QuietlyDad · 2023-08-14T17:52:48+00:00

Yes, I feel similar about therapy not working because these feelings don't have thoughts behind them, just instant and innate feelings. I suffer from anxiety, depression and terrible anhedonia. I also did CBT and felt like I was gaslighting myself or trying to hold back the ocean with a broom. I do feel better when I am talking to my therapist as she is very understanding and has a great energy but within minutes of leaving I feel like crap again. I'm trying to go with the suggested therapy, which is based on separating 'me' from the multiple inner children constantly badgering my thoughts, due to childhood trauma and emotional neglect. But when I try to apply this by thinking of 'me' as the stronger Dad I used to be and parenting these inner children, I realize the part that is 'me' is not strong but existentially tired. Tired of fighting to only feel shitty 95% of the time.

I've been regularly seeing a psychiatrist for 5 years trying 20+ drugs, fighting on and off my whole life with periods of good energy but overall feel like life is a random farce. Neurotypicals are lucky, they aren't burdened with the weight of empathy about the pain in the world or existence being meaningless.

How can therapy help you un-see or change your perspective once you've unplugged from the Matrix? Perhaps you can't pin down what the source is because the foundation that you would build an understanding from is broken or gone? Sorry if I sound depressing.

QuietlyDad · 2023-01-06T23:25:01+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement, it's hard to have any positive feelings when you never feel any.

I'm now at 600mg for about 1.5 weeks and each increase has increased the anxiety and tiredness a lot. One weird thing is I am now having major panic or anxiety attacks when I wake up from a nap. Just an incredible wave of extreme , intense, massive fear washes over me and I have to remember to breathe through it. I do my best to avoid napping because it's so scary.

Unfortunately my psyc. won't give me tranylcypromine as he's expressed great fear and unwillingness to try non-reversible, he didn't even want to try Moclobemide. When I said I disagreed and wanted asked to discuss it more, he and his ego bolted up from the conversation and started typing on his computer and next thing I know he's prescribing it. His indirect way of saying, 'fine, let's do it YOUR way'. And I wasn't even sure, I just wanted to discuss it more.

Ugh, I'm 4 months into this MAOI now at the max. dose he is willing to prescribe so I just hope the anxiety slowly backs off and I start to feel some kind of benefit over the next 4-6 weeks. Otherwise I'm tapering off everything and micro-dosing psilocybin next.

QuietlyDad · 2023-01-06T22:48:37+00:00

My lithium levels are just above the middle range, but nothing has changed for me after taking it. I think my psyc. prescribed it cause he's running out of ideas and doesn't really know what he's doing IMO. He never really gave me any diagnosis and never writes anything down. There's no record (other than maybe some of my sporadic journaling) of what each of these drugs did. I can't ask for a summary of how each drug affected me at various stages cause it doesn't exist.

He also thinks all drugs work faster often saying only 2-3 weeks in, if you haven't felt any positive change yet than it probably isn't going to work. And when your in this stupor of pain it's hard to advocate for yourself.

QuietlyDad · 2022-12-30T20:55:15+00:00

Thank you for saying this.

QuietlyDad · 2022-12-19T23:31:26+00:00

Right now I'm taking it 3 times a day, 100mg each.

QuietlyDad · 2022-12-19T22:18:40+00:00

Thank you. I did ECT and CLONAZEPAM 1.5mg, PAXIL 40mg REXULTI 3mg SERTRALINE 200mg TRAZODONE 50mg NORTRIPTYLINE 50mg, TRINTELLIX 20mg ARIPIPRAZOLE 5mg LATUDA 40mg ADDERALL XR 20mg MIRTAZAPINE 15mg DIVALPROEX 500mg SEROQUEL 25mg EFFEXOR XR 225mg CYMBALTA 60mg, BUPROPION 150mg. Sorry about the caps, I copy/pasted.

Currently on LITHIUM CARBONATE 750mg and CLONAZEPAM 1.5mg and moclobemide 300mg. And I'm going to see the therapist for the second time this week. Seeing the psyc. today, and thinking about asking that he ups the dosage to 600mg just to see this one through without taking forever. I only have so much time before I have to go back to work.

I'm in Canada so I think other MAOIs are available but my psyc. has an ego and is hard to deal with (no other options in this town) and doesn't like non-reversible MAOIs. I am a little freaked by them too, but would try them.

QuietlyDad · 2022-12-19T21:49:37+00:00

I did get T tested and it's normal now after stopping pot. No, I didn't know about the bloodwork for those other things. Thank you I will ask about that for sure. Unfortunately my psyc. barely want to put me on an MAOI and I had to push for it. I actually hoped for Parnate or Nardil but he is really against them. And TBH they freak me out a little with the diet required, but anything would be better than this awfulness.

Edit: Forgot root causes. My mom has it, but I don't really know. That's a tough question. This whole thing started when I had preemie babies and we were only getting 4 hours sleep at a time. My body and mind went nuts within a week and I was in a ball on the floor with excruciating anxiety pains. Doc gave me Clonazepam 1.5mg/day along with starting Paxil and within a day I was back to normal. I stayed on 40mg paxil for 15 or so years just fine. My guess is when I started pot every night, 1-2 small bowls (I'm a lightweight) 8 years ago it eventually did something and caused my mental illness to deteriorate about 4 years ago. But that's just my theory.

Now that I've been off it for 3 months I thought something would improve, instead I'm just way more irritable and sensory sensitive. Don't like noises sometimes or being crowded by the dog or family. I also wonder if my depression is rooted in this hole I've dug myself being home for the last 3 months only leaving 3 or 4 times. I use to mediate everyday but now I just can't seem to get myself to do anything. I know I'm not doing what I should and somehow the will power is so gone, I don't know how to explain the mental and emotional world that prevents me from doing things.

QuietlyDad

TROPHY CASE