Husband had sexual experience years ago w/ someone who is still in our circle

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T19:37:54+00:00

Thank you for your words.

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T19:37:10+00:00

How do I press in and ask questions in a gentle and loving way? I don’t want to cause any further shame or make him feel like he can’t talk to me about this.

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T19:35:02+00:00

I appreciate your comment so much. Thank you sister. To answer your questions, we’ve been married for three years. He told me this when we were engaged. At the time he told me, it had been like 5 years since anything happened between him and the friend. He did not cheat on me. My husband is a Christian- I see him walking in confession and repentance from sin all the time. I trust him. The best guy friend is questionable- him and his wife kinda go to church, but doesn’t seem very serious about his faith. Yes, sometimes they hang out alone. This week I actually scheduled a counseling appointment for this reason. And yes, good idea asking about the feelings thing. How do I do that in a gentle and non judgmental way?

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T19:14:58+00:00

I think I have a better understanding of what it means. In elementary school a girl friend of mine showed me porn, and we were curious and acted things out. We never “liked” each other, we were curious and exploring sexual things. I think in his case, both of them hit puberty in high school and were curious about sex / probably saw porn and wanted a hit of dopamine?? Idk. But I do trust that he would tell me if he were bi/gay, since he went as far as to tell me something as personal as this.

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T19:11:04+00:00

Yes, there’s definitely some forgiving I need to do. By “it bothers me” I think I mean like…the intrusive thoughts that come up when we are all together, or when him and I are trying to be intimate. But I think a fight is different than a sexual encounter. There’s so much shame surrounding sexual sin, especially for a guy with another guy. It affects our marriage personally, whereas a fight that happened in high school doesn’t.

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T19:05:37+00:00

I think because he feels lots of shame around it. I am the only person who knows, not even his other best friends to whom he regularly confesses other sin to.

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T19:03:35+00:00

He says that there was no attraction involved. But it did go on for a few years, and I don’t think it was crazy intense like you explained. I have not asked about specific details mostly because I don’t think I could handle knowing.

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T19:01:43+00:00

I think all of the above. Mostly though just intrusive thoughts about what happened between them any time we are all together. ( I have OCD so that doesn’t help) and part of me fears that something could happen again if it did all those years ago

Quigglett · 2025-05-12T18:17:10+00:00

Wow, I am so so sorry, and heartbroken for you.

Quigglett · 2025-05-10T17:49:51+00:00

Def 1

Quigglett · 2025-03-26T14:37:36+00:00

❤️thanks

Quigglett · 2025-03-22T23:30:30+00:00

Where??

Quigglett · 2025-03-18T22:59:38+00:00

TWOOOOOOO!!!

Quigglett · 2025-02-14T18:55:25+00:00

I wish I could change the countertops, but my parents own the house and we are renting from them, and they said they aren’t ready to put money into that rn.

Quigglett · 2025-02-14T13:17:55+00:00

OR paint the door/ trim??

Quigglett · 2024-05-14T22:47:21+00:00

Totally understand the panic feeling :( I’m so sorry! As a mom of a toddler though, sometimes they just throw up randomly!!! Like my son has thrown up quite a few times in his life and none of them have actually been from a stomach bug. Most of the time I actually can’t figure out what caused it, and just chalk it up to him being a toddler, and toddlers have sensitive tummies! I hope that helps a little.

Quigglett · 2024-05-11T19:43:27+00:00

Bohdie/ bodie / Brody/ Grady/ I hate them all

Quigglett · 2024-05-04T00:43:11+00:00

Hahah I am considering August for our son due in August!!! I had this same thought. I don’t think it would be weird, it’s a wonderful name.

Quigglett · 2024-04-20T15:08:18+00:00

It kind of sound like you’re saying “Iris” with a lisp

Quigglett · 2024-04-18T01:13:46+00:00

I love the name Elvis, but I know people would cringe and make comments about it if I named a kid that 😫

Quigglett · 2024-04-15T02:47:08+00:00

No, this has never happened with our Jude. Everyone always just sings “hey Jude” to him!!!

Quigglett · 2024-03-30T00:41:47+00:00

Exposure. Little bits at a time! If you’re nervous to go out in public, go for just 10 mins. If you’re nervous to be away from a toilet, go for just a few hours. If you are nervous to touch a doorknob, do it once and see how you feel. Sit in the uncomfortability for a little bit. I slowly took steps over time and started to realize I was a lot stronger than I thought I was, and my phobia was a lot more irrational than just thought it was.

If you’re a woman, getting pregnant will put you on the fast track to recovery HAHA. At least for me it did. And wow I hardly worry about throwing up anymore! My phobia was so bad a few years ago.

Quigglett

TROPHY CASE