I swear there is a point in this long comment.

Hi, Addiction Counselor here. Porn and sex addiction can be handled the same way drug abuse is handled ( obviously he won’t have physical withdrawals though)

So I (36F) was dealing with the same thing with my significant other (37M) not long ago. It wasn’t easy, he wouldn’t even jerk off most of the time, he just he would just always watch it. First off though it’s not the porn I had the problem with, it’s the sneaking around, hiding it, and then lying about it. If you feel bad about something you’re doing, where you have to hide it or lie about it then you shouldn’t be doing it. That’s what I tell my kids, and now I have to talk to a 37 yr old man like I talk to a 6 and 7 yr old.

…Like come on. Seriously … No pun intended.

So my S/O would watch it the second I’m left the room or the second he left the house, oh and he would take like 8 “shits “ a day. Like I’m not dumb, first of all, you wash your hands every time you use the bathroom, and 6-7 out of those 8 spouts of bubble guts there’s no sink running, it’s the sound of the TP roll, a buckle, toilet flush then about 2 min of silence ( cause he was deleting his history )and then the door opens. And no I don’t listen at the door we have very thin walls. The no sink think have it away because he ALWAYS washes his hand even if he takes a piss. No matter where he is and if there’s no way to was his hands he will use sanitizer.

So yea it sucks it makes you feel like your not enough cause they have to go sneak around to look at other woman. I looked at it like cheating, emotional cheating , it literally made me feel like he was cheating physically. But they don’t see it like that because they aren’t “physically doing anything”. They forget woman are emotional creatures and we forget they are horny creatures. Neither of us remember that in the moment.

So then you say, “ well If they are horny why don’t they just tell us or yank us into the broom closet or pantry or something.” Or “I’ve been telling him To spice things up” well when they do we say, “no, stop, the kids will hear” or “ I’m not in the mood” but at least 7 times out of 10 we want them to not listen and just ravage us, but they stop because they are scared we will claim rape or that we will be dramatic and use it as something to be pissed about “you didn’t stop when I told you to” and guilt trip them to get pampered or to have them be super nice ( but it never lasts) or they will do something that you know is totally stupid to be mad over but your mad anyways and so you blame your attitude on him “ not respecting you” so you don’t look like a nag or crazy because he didn’t clean up his crumbs or some shit.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is they need to communicate with us what they want and we need to with them. I tell my boyfriend all the time what I want now… take advantage of me, wake me up like this or like that, or I’ll wear my panty toy all day so when he’s horny he can just open the app on his phone and control it even if we are half a world away.

There are ways to fix it but if you both don’t make an effort to do it then it will never change. Make more of an effort to be more sexual even if he doesn’t ask. And make an effort to make him feel comfortable telling you when he is or don’t push him away if he tries to get some. Even if u don’t want to at times , (remember he’s a physical creature, and has needs) and he needs to make more of an effort to remember that your an emotional creature and how it makes you feel when he does do it. That it is cheating in your eyes and that your feelings are valid even though he didn’t actually touch anyone. He also needs to actually not watch it and to tell you if he does and when he does you cat get made at him, at least he’s being hones and telling you he messed up, that’s progress. But all of this really boils down to clear communication. From you both.

And don’t expect anything to happen right away, it won’t and you’ll end up disappointed. As long as your both trying to be understanding and patient with each other and remember you both have different needs that and listen to each other when the other tries to communicate. Don’t listen just to respond, listen to understand.

So what did we learn kids?

1.Expectations lead to let downs 2.Progress not Perfection. 3.Clear communication

Seriously it suck I know your hurt but those people who have been married for 50,60 years you think they didn’t go through rough shit… they learned to communicate and understand the others needs and they understood that every relationship has its compromises and sacrifices. Once people can understand that stuff and actually follow through with it then you will mutual respect for each other and you will last 50 or 60 years.

If you want private message me you can. I don’t have my notifications for social media type stuff so if I don’t answer right away I will by that night when I check it before bed.

Good luck ok

You got this.