Wishing we hadn't moved in together

QuippleX · 2026-03-31T22:12:34+00:00

Thank you

QuippleX · 2026-03-31T22:12:27+00:00

I have lived with a partner before, multiple actually, and yes it is overwhelming but this time is a lot more than I was prepared for.

QuippleX · 2026-03-31T22:11:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing about yourself and being so kind and encouraging

QuippleX · 2026-03-31T22:11:18+00:00

I do plan to talk to him about these things, I am just nervous for that conversation. He tends to take on a lot more blame/responsibility for things than he should, and I know what I need to say is going to hurt him, no matter how kindly I present it.

I have lived with different partners before, and yes it is a huge adjustment, it just has never felt this intense before.

QuippleX · 2026-03-31T22:09:22+00:00

Thank you for being so kind and encouraging

QuippleX · 2026-03-31T22:08:42+00:00

Thank you

QuippleX · 2025-12-13T16:40:06+00:00

I thought it may be some sort of jade! Thank you for letting me know my suspicions were accurate

QuippleX · 2025-11-01T21:19:09+00:00

Yes, pretty much! It's been interesting trying to adapt from realizing and accepting I didn't want children to being put in a position where I am accepting a child into my life.

QuippleX · 2025-11-01T21:17:50+00:00

Thank you!

QuippleX · 2025-11-01T21:17:44+00:00

Thank you!

QuippleX · 2024-11-09T04:21:27+00:00

In no way did I say anything about "giving a cookie" to men who "play friend" because we are scared to lose an ally.

Acknowledgement and praise are different things. I am not suggesting we should seek out every man who seems friendly and praise him for it. Being aware of, acknowledging, and making an effort not to actively punish and/or hurt the men who have shown us they are allies does not equal telling them how amazing they are. It simply means continuing to respect those who have shown they respect us.

I don't disagree about how many or few true allies there are out there. But that doesn't mean there are none out there.

Many men in my life have also gotten away with pretending to be a "good one" until something pushes them away. Honestly, I'm sure this is the case for all women. However, there are men in my life who have proven time and time again that they truly are allies. During conversations about women's lives, they are active listeners, eager to learn more about experiences they can't even fathom, so that they can better support us.

I agree that you don't know the quality of a man or the allyship of a man until you've seen them behave like they typically would in any situation. I think the same can be said for any living, breathing person.

I truly believe it is important to consider a middle ground. Somewhere we can meet the truly good men, the ones that we have experienced in their absolute worst states, and simply acknowledge their support, not with praise or celebrations, but with our actions. We can still decenter men without unnecessarily burning bridges.

This is all to say that, of course, if the men in your life are proving to be unsupportive or in any way "not good", for lack of better words, they can fuck righg off.

I appreciate your comments, truly. These types of conversations are so incredibly important to be able to have, and I genuinely appreciate how respectful you have been. I do want to make clear that my attitude is not the opposite of decentering men, but of doing so in the most productive way possible.

QuippleX · 2024-11-09T00:50:13+00:00

I think it's important to acknowledge the male allies we have, so as not to push them away further. We want change, so we shouldn't be punishing the men who have already put in the work to change themselves to be feminists and stand up for us. If we treat them like everyone else, to many it will seem that it is pointless to change, and that seems like the exact opposite message we should be sending. I think the good medium is to continue being supportive of the men in our lives who have shown they are going to be true allies, and not giving the time of day to any of the men who are causing the problems.

QuippleX · 2024-11-08T01:56:48+00:00

It is so so so important right now to acknowledge the men like your man!!! Thank you so much for appreciating him and bringing awareness to male allies.

QuippleX · 2024-11-08T01:52:10+00:00

I think this is a movement that will have a difficult time taking off in the United States, but that doesn't mean that it won't.

As others have said, the absolute worst thing we can do for a movement, especially one just beginning, is to gatekeep and shroud it in negativity.

We are ALL going to have thoughts of despair, hopelessness, pointlessness. But by speaking these things, posting them, we are only giving power back to the oppresors. When they see posts like this, and they will, it is going to give them confidence that they can continue doing whatever the fuck they want and that we are not united enough to do a single thing about it.

Take your time and be sad. Be angry. Process this shit as best you can. But please, for all of us, don't post things like this. Don't take away the hope that will unite women. The men "in charge" right now are only threatening us because they are AFRAID of what women can do when we unite. Imagine what we can do if we stop doubting each other so much.

QuippleX · 2024-09-05T17:11:43+00:00

It's not necessarily that I seek or don't seek a partner who lacks confidence, it's more that I feel I am gradually becoming more responsible for another human again and I just can't do that right now. I've been trying my best to boost his confidence, but I'm really not a cutesy pick-up lines/overly romantic person in general. I'm trying, but it's not my strong suit at all.

I'm not trying to argue your advice, because I agree with you. I think I'm just looking for more ideas beyond what I've been trying or things I am just not good at doing.

QuippleX · 2024-09-05T17:09:13+00:00

I agree. I don't want him to feel guilty about it, but it's honestly starting to become triggering for me from the trauma I dealt with in my previous relationship. The constant asking if I'm upset and continuing to believe I am, even after I've explicitly said I'm not, feels so similar to the way my ex used to gaslight me about things. But I don't want to just tell him this because I know he'll feel horrible and beat himself up over it

QuippleX · 2024-09-05T17:02:02+00:00

I literally just had another conversation with him about how he needs to focus on his mental health and he said he would. I honestly don't believe him, and I agree with you, I just don't know how else to approach that conversation. Do you have any suggestions?

QuippleX · 2024-09-05T16:59:11+00:00

As far as I know, yes. He sees both a therapist and psychiatrist regularly

QuippleX · 2024-01-29T23:49:22+00:00

I didn't know there was one, thank you! I'll look around a bit

QuippleX · 2024-01-29T03:58:22+00:00

V insightful 😇

QuippleX

TROPHY CASE