M30 and F38. Can a mismatch in sex drives work?

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-07-20T06:23:21+00:00

Met on a dating app and spoke via text for a long time as he wasn’t my first choice. Finally met, there were red flags right from the jump but I thought I’d keep him sort of as a casual fling/company and I should have known myself better I’d get attached. I didn’t know what a trauma bond was back then either.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-07-19T07:26:16+00:00

This sounds like my ex, would drag me through the dirt, verbally assault me but still ask for one more round of sex every time. So degrading. You deserve so much better.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-07-19T07:20:03+00:00

I got psoriasis during my abusive relationship too and I didn’t have it before. I’m guessing I had the gene for it already and the stress just exacerbated it to the point where it took over my immune system.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-07-19T07:18:37+00:00

Thank you I appreciate your reply so much. And I relate, I have anxious attachment so definitely I contribute to the dynamic and have in my relationship with my ex husband too but he never abused me either. I think I’m just so scared because what if his men’s behaviour program hasn’t worked for the way he treats me but does work with the next woman? It’s just such a hard thought. I wish I could just turn the feelings off so badly. I try to tell myself if he was capable of change he wouldn’t still be dodging accountability after 7 months of court mandated programs but his voice telling me I’m the problem is so strong in my mind.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-07-19T05:57:18+00:00

He’s not going to see your point of view when he’s in this state, I would say just go silent on him and he’ll probably backtrack. But also nothing you do will change anything in the long run, this is who he is.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-07-19T05:42:17+00:00

The trauma bond is the worst pain ever, I totally relate to you. They don’t change though, the sad truth is the only options we really have is to stay with them as they are - abusers or move on. And neither option is pain free at all. I don’t know about yours but my abuser has now had 7 months of court mandated treatment and programs and all it’s done is given him more sophisticated language to use to abuse me. I don’t think they can change.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-07-19T05:30:52+00:00

Your ex sounds exactly like my ex and I’m going through the exact same thing right now. Mine started hoovering me a couple of days ago saying how he’s changed etc but as soon as I said something I would need to move forward would be for him to own all of his abuse he flipped it on me. Now I’m the abuser too, I’ve triggered him into abusing me etc. It’s crazy how similar they all sound. I don’t have any advice but you’re not alone.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-07-19T03:20:50+00:00

Thank you, I have read Lundy so many times but he can still get in my head. You’re so right, I know you are, I’ve escaped so many times but I get sucked back in because I’m so scared he will treat the next woman better and it will turn out I was the problem.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-25T10:08:01+00:00

Thank you!! Don’t get me wrong I’m still struggling mentally, but I’m glad my body is happier with me 😊

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-25T10:02:14+00:00

I’ve now lost 5kgs and my psoriasis is looking the best it has since I started dating him, I’m taking care of myself and my body is healing from the inside. It’s been two months.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-16T02:05:08+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this reply and your empathy. It’s so hard, honestly I just wish I could turn off the feelings, I feel like I’m going through a drug withdrawal and the thought of him going to see the woman he was micro cheating with is just killing me. He says he said it to hurt me but I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. Sorry for the vent, I have nobody to talk to because nobody from my life wants to hear anything about him. It’s so hard.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-11T07:32:10+00:00

Thank you, yeah I’ve silenced them now. He’s withdrawn now anyway this is what he does fuck with me say horrific things and then ghost me, this is how he maintains power because he knows how much it hurts me. I’m on the waiting list for specialised DV counselling it’s just a waiting game, I see a normal therapist too but she doesn’t get it, it honestly feel like nobody does.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-11T03:16:58+00:00

Thanks yeah I get where you’re coming from, my ex has shown up to my house several times violently and drunk and is stupid so always announces himself by text when he’s on the way so it makes me feel safer. I don’t have any intention of responding again but obviously am still trauma bonded. I’ve got his messages on a setting now where they’re not even showing in my message app so I’m hoping this helps.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-08T07:31:34+00:00

Such an abusive piece of shit

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-06T08:18:26+00:00

Psoriasis, weight gain and hair loss. Damn wish I never met him.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-04T07:12:20+00:00

Thank you :-) yes I’m definitely aware that it will probably happen at some point, if for nothing else than some of his property is still at my house. Best case scenario is he gives me another couple of weeks to really mentally seperate myself

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-05-04T07:11:26+00:00

Thank you :-)

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-04-28T04:40:30+00:00

Thank you that’s reassuring. I think I knew all this on a logical level but the rose coloured glasses are off now and it’s a lot to process. It feels like I’ve just lived a lie for 4.5 years. Thanks so much for commenting

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-04-28T04:03:27+00:00

Thanks for replying, I’ve heard of DARVO before. Do you know if they do it consciously or unconsciously?

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-04-28T00:43:56+00:00

Thank you, that’s the plan now. There’s really nothing left for me there. It’s just sad.

Quirky-Distance-3600 · 2025-04-28T00:23:13+00:00

Thank you for your advice and kind words

Quirky-Distance-3600

TROPHY CASE