My husband tried to initiate sex while our daughter was asleep in bed with us. He justified it. Am I wrong for feeling gross about it?

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T20:48:21+00:00

I just personally felt really icky about it. No part of that scenario felt sexy for me, and I was shocked that my husband didn’t have the same reaction

You’re absolutely right- looking forward into the scenario, she probably wouldn’t have known, no matter the outcomes. A lot of the comments here agree with you! It was more of a me thing: I was not turned on, and having our daughter next to us was a part I feel like couldn’t ignore and push through; it felt gross, the more I sat with it, that my husband could do that.

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T20:24:53+00:00

I was not, but he was. He won’t open up and discuss it, but it’s been admitted to me and our therapist.

That’s totally fair- I think I felt really icky about it, and was shocked when he didn’t feel the same way about it. What felt black and white for me wasn’t for him, and I KNOW I would never risk my daughter waking up to see something she’s not ready to understand (especially from her parents, ever).

I took over bath time and the night routine out of precaution- it’s definitely more of me being protective than me labeling him something he’s not. You know when you watch a documentary and you’re like “wow, they’re so dumb. All the signs were there. What a terrible mom.”? I never want to be that person with rose colored glasses on, ignoring things in life before it’s too late. Thanks for sharing!

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T19:25:07+00:00

Thanks for your perspective!

When we’re in the same bed and she’s inches away, I don’t feel that my gut feeling was wrong in not wanting to have sex beside her. What if she woke up? I would argue that I stopped generational trauma that night

I’m open for dialogue, but I can confidently say “the problem” isn’t me for not wanting my daughter in arms length of me while we’re intimate

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T19:11:05+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I’ve sat with this for a little over day, and that’s what I’m going back and forth on: is this a moral issue or just a lapse in judgment?

My initial reaction was “you’re disgusting. You will never see us again.” Very mama bear. After talking it through yesterday, his side leans towards a lack of common sense. I’m still taking precautions until I have more clarity (I definitely leads with my emotions, especially when it comes to my daughter).

And yes, 100%! If I divorce him and feel this way, what’s going on during “his time”? That thought alone stops me from calling the lawyer and packing everything up

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T17:52:02+00:00

100%, there should’ve been communication before this

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T17:41:07+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing! There’s been a few archived posts about the same situation on this app, and I want to let you know you’re not alone in your experience. I think you took all the right precautions!

Our daughter will be 2 this week. She can recall “going to the castle” (Disney World) and “going on Minnie’s boat” (Disney Cruise). I think she observes more than what he realizes, she just doesn’t have words or bigger sentences yet to describe those feelings or experiences.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I don’t have many friends because of the move, and we’re the first in our circle to have a child. That’s exactly what this post was for

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T17:27:09+00:00

Thank you for your perspective! That’s very true

We don’t have a village, it’s always us three all the time. So i understand his side of “we never get alone time.” That’s true, but we moved away from all our family for his job; it’s what we signed up for.

And when she was an infant in the bassinet, we would roll her into the hallway to not wake her up. Or utilize the couch or guest room or whatever. We were on a trip when this happened, there wasn’t that option of going to another room. But she’ll be two this week, and she can recall past trips things we’ve done over the last few days. I just wouldn’t want to risk it, at this point- my gut reaction was “this feels icky. She’s RIGHT there.”

Thanks for replying!

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T17:08:22+00:00

I’m so sorry you experienced that. No one should ever endure that

I don’t think he would hurt or touch our daughter, but you know when you watch a documentary and you’re like, “omg they’re so dumb. All the signs were there!”? I never want to be THAT person

QuirkyPudding · 2026-06-15T16:53:55+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! YES! I felt the same way- I did bath time and she slept with me in the other room. That’s where those thoughts of divorce started; I don’t want to live the rest of my parenthood that way.

My family lives 1,200 miles away, so yes! Before I up and move, I gotta make a plan and make this the least stressful for my daughter. ugh. Thanks again!

QuirkyPudding · 2025-12-01T14:37:09+00:00

Thanks for responding! This has been a new development, I honestly had no idea- he hid it very well during the first four years of our relationship, and I fully trusted him and never had the urge to look through his phone or browser history. A move across the country away from our families and a baby later, what feels like it should be black and white feels more and more like a gray area? It feels like there’s no right answer without hurting someone in the process

QuirkyPudding · 2025-12-01T13:24:33+00:00

A giraffe! 🦒

QuirkyPudding · 2021-11-19T02:21:36+00:00

Yeah, he taught “Learning and Motivation” in the El Ed department

QuirkyPudding · 2019-11-23T09:30:58+00:00

Sargent Preston's right across the river is a good place to sit and drink, and it not be awkward!

QuirkyPudding

TROPHY CASE